Friday, June 27, 2008

Overheard at Mavs Headquarters

Donnie N.: Look, Mark, until you pay my daddy what you owe, me and the guys aren't gonna help with the draft tonight.

Mark C.: So, hardball is it? I don't need your help anyway.

Donnie N.: Fine.

Mark C.: Fine.

Donnie N.: FINE.

Mark C.: FINE.

...........

Mark C.: Donnie, what if I send pops a case of scotch, and we just use the Yahoo! autodraft feature?

Donnie N.: Works for me, coach.

Mark C.: Now, let me get back to watching my Cubs game. I'll pin all of this on Avery in my blog tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

HORSE Fantasy Draft

The most prestigious WSOP tournament starts today, the $50,000 HORSE event. This the the bracelet the pros really want. To feel like we have a stake in the tourney, Tiny B and I had a little fantasy draft. The rule are simple: We each pick 5 players and the one who finishes highest wins, with a bonus if one of our guys actually wins the whole thing. Here are the teams:

son of sue:
Ivey
Lindgren
Antonius
Greenstein
Tom Freaking Schnieder

Tiny B:
Benyamine
Kenny Tran
Bloch
Matusow
David Singer

May the Lord be with Tiny's team.

UPDATE
After Day 1, Team Matusow's Guys is stuggling. Singer is the 2nd shortest stack, and everyone else except for Benyamine is below average in chips.

With the exception of Ivey, my team is dominating. The other 4 are all above avg in chips, and 3 are in the top 25.

TBR's team is also doing pretty well, except for Hellmuth who busted the first day. Of his remaining four players, 3 are above avg with 1 in the top 25.


UPDATE
Heading into Day 3, here is where everyone stands:
Matusow's Guys lost 2 more players yesterday, and all his hopes hinge on 2 players with less than avg chips, Kenny Tran and Andy Bloch. Good luck all in.

My team lost two player, but Greenstein is 2nd in chips, and Lindgren is well above avg. Ivey nursed a shortstack all day and is way below avg.

TBR's hopes are all on Doyle, who is 10th in chips.

DAY 3 UPDATE
Tiny B's team is down to Andy Bloch, who has a little less than avg chips.

On my team, Ivey is the 2nd shortest stack, Lindgren is a little below avg, and Greenstein is still 2nd in chips.

TBR's horse, Doyle Brunson, is still going strong and finished the day 9th in chips.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Imus Thinks All Criminals are Black

What a fool. After someone mentioned that Adam "Don't call me Pacman" Jones has been arrested 6 times since he was drafted, Imus asked "What color is he?" After a slight pause, he was told African American, to which Imus replied in a chuckle, "Oh, well, there you go. Ok, now we know."

murmur


http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=5127eb0c-cf73-4b8f-9805-926190b45245

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Poll that Wasn't

I was supposed to be in charge of this week's edition of the Batfaces poll. However, since I can't be concise about anything, my content for the poll was...welll...just too long. Nonetheless, I offer said content anyway. Please feel free to vote or comment as necessary.


Poll Topic: What is the most likely scenario should a Batface win a WSOP bracelet?


  1. Tim uses bracelet to cover his bald spot. Also, has bracelet tattooed on the arm of his "Wild Thing" tattoo.
  2. Celeste drops 87 pounds and loses bracelet in public bathroom when it slips off his waist.
  3. Freeze immediately loses it at Caesar's when he has to put it up for collateral on a four-way, six-bet black jack scenario.
  4. Todd pummels his cat to death with it because he "hates the people that made it."
  5. Randy wakes up in Thailand only to find his bracelet and his left kidney missing.
  6. Eric White casually throws bracelet into the safe containing his other $47 million.
  7. Sommer tricks out bracelet to make it the first ever Wi-Fi enabled WSOP bracelet.
  8. Thum brings home bracelet, shows it to his kids, and then beats the hell out of them claiming "that's what will happen to you if I EVER catch you screwing with it."
  9. Simmons has to trade bracelet for groceries after he maxes himself out on ATM withdrawals for the day.
  10. Shane straps bracelet to ankle claiming "it is only there for support".
  11. Zach Ballenger gives bracelet to his mother after realizing his father was too busy losing a $150 satellite to watch his final table performance.
  12. McGill storms into Wick's office, brandishes bracelet and knocks Wick unconscious claiming, "Take that, BITCH!"
  13. Wilonsky has bracelet melted down and made into miniature Oscar statue.
  14. Sang trades bracelet for "aggressive" handjobs.
  15. Dan Michalski tries to use bracelet as his in to get into Clonie's pants. After he fails, he consoles himself by eating corn dog dipped into mashed potatoes and gravy.
  16. Fawcett uses bracelet to decorate the new "in-law wing" at his house.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Significance of Eric's Big Finish

...and by finish, I mean his closing move in the sack.

Seriously, I'm referring to his impressive finish in event 23 at this year's World Series of Poker. This marked the third WSOP cash by a Batface and it also marks a significant improvement over past triumphs.

Special thanks to Zach for sending these numbers to me. Here's the story:

Randy Brown (aka TBR or Tibber) makes Batface history by going deep in the 2005 WSOP Main Event. Randy finished 178th out of a field of 5919 for winnings of $39,075. He beat 97 percent of the field and his winnings represent a 290 percent return over the tournament buy-in. This performance still stands as the largest Batface cash in a WSOP event.

Zach Ballenger was the next Batface to make a run at glory. At the 2006 WSOP, he went deep into a $2500 Buy-in, No Limit Event. Zach finished 50th in a field of 1290 to outlast 97.2 percent of the field. His $8901 in winnings represented a 280 percent return over the buy-in.

Eric's recent performance saw him placing 25th in a field of 1344, meaning he bested 98.2 percent of the field and saw a 600-plus percent return over the tournament buy-in. Statistically, this is clearly the best performance of any Batface at the WSOP.

Todd "Tiny B" Phillips at least deserves honorable mention with his 5th place finish in the $1500 Buy-in No limit Event at the 2006 WSOP Circuit Event in Tunica. Although not a WSOP venue performance, this finish stands as the lone Batface final table appearance at a major tournament. In finishing 5th out 228, Todd outclassed 97.8 percent of the field and his pay-out was a whopping 1225 percent return over the buy-in.

In another post, we should lay odds on who will be the first Batface to make a WSOP final table...or possibly win a bracelet? Coming soon.

Incidentally, I've played in 6 WSOP events and haven't ever made it past the first break, much less cashed. Doesn't matter though, 'cuz I'm killing it at the cash games.



Saturday, June 14, 2008

Hate Blackjack

Hate Blackjack

Retraction

Shane has never been this bad.

Also dunno.

Don't even know

Howie Mandel and Wil Farrell ?

Tims bad beat. Really.

go batfaces

Strep Throat

Also Kryptonite

Go Kryptonite Shots

Man down

Crippled with 10s against AJ when he flops a set and the dude turns a straight. 13K+

Break Time

Down to 26 players. Eric has 65000 which is low. Average is 200k.

Also, Randy is the new Shane.

Dylan Bircheff. Go F Bombs.

Event 23 Update

"Breaking to 3 tables now. 27 left. $13k. He has 60k. Short. Blinds are 4k 8k - 1k and going up in 8 minutes"

Friday, June 13, 2008

Randy down

Tiny B - "Randy is standing on a chair when eric goes all in. Randy falls, everyone folds, and tournament director yells at Randy."

TBR knows balance

Go Package and Eric

Re: First Hand back from dinner.

"the merry Celeste" = the new "Tulsa"?


On Jun 13, 2008, at 10:29 PM, "Zach Ballenger" <zballenger@gmail.com> wrote:

From pokernews...

During the break, one of my media colleagues inquired about a player called Eric Celeste, so, keen to keep him updated on his friend's performance, I decided to calculate his stack.

Little did I know that on the opening hand of the level, Celeste would be feeding my thirst for action with an all-in and subsequent double through.

Dustin Dirksen, who displays more moves than a Take That concert, raised it to 13,000 preflop only for Celeste to push for around 50,000 in chips from the small blind.

Although it was assumed the action would fold back round to Dirksen, momentum suddenly paused on the big blinder David Steicke just one seat down.

Clearly holding a big hand, Steicke asked for a count of Celeste's stack before ultimately pushing all in himself. Dirksen happily sidestepped out of the way.

As they turned over the hands, Celeste's expression said it all, his {A-Diamonds}{8-Diamonds} in all sorts of bother against Steicke's commanding pair of ladies, {Q-Hearts}{Q-Diamonds}.

However, poker is full of surprises, and when a {10-Diamonds}{7-Clubs}{9-Spades} hit the flop, Celeste suddenly increased his outs by eight.

Although the {10-Spades} on the turn made no difference, one of those outs arrived on the river, the {6-Diamonds} giving Celeste the straight and triggering a stunned silence as Steike begrudgingly counted out his stack.

As a result, Steicke is down to the felt, whilst the merry Celeste jumps up to 100,000.

On Fri, Jun 13, 2008 at 11:21 PM, Todd Phillips <Todd.Phillips@ugl-equis.com> wrote:

Eric in big blind, under the gun raises, everyone folds to Eric, who moves all in for 53000 and is called. Eric has A8(the Randy) of diamonds. Other guy has QQ. Flop is 10 9 7, turn blank, river 6. Ship. Now at 110k, which is about average with 46 left.

Ship it. Go Batfaces. Go Vodka.


Re: First Hand back from dinner.

From pokernews...

During the break, one of my media colleagues inquired about a player called Eric Celeste, so, keen to keep him updated on his friend's performance, I decided to calculate his stack.

Little did I know that on the opening hand of the level, Celeste would be feeding my thirst for action with an all-in and subsequent double through.

Dustin Dirksen, who displays more moves than a Take That concert, raised it to 13,000 preflop only for Celeste to push for around 50,000 in chips from the small blind.

Although it was assumed the action would fold back round to Dirksen, momentum suddenly paused on the big blinder David Steicke just one seat down.

Clearly holding a big hand, Steicke asked for a count of Celeste's stack before ultimately pushing all in himself. Dirksen happily sidestepped out of the way.

As they turned over the hands, Celeste's expression said it all, his {A-Diamonds}{8-Diamonds} in all sorts of bother against Steicke's commanding pair of ladies, {Q-Hearts}{Q-Diamonds}.

However, poker is full of surprises, and when a {10-Diamonds}{7-Clubs}{9-Spades} hit the flop, Celeste suddenly increased his outs by eight.

Although the {10-Spades} on the turn made no difference, one of those outs arrived on the river, the {6-Diamonds} giving Celeste the straight and triggering a stunned silence as Steike begrudgingly counted out his stack.

As a result, Steicke is down to the felt, whilst the merry Celeste jumps up to 100,000.

On Fri, Jun 13, 2008 at 11:21 PM, Todd Phillips <Todd.Phillips@ugl-equis.com> wrote:

Eric in big blind, under the gun raises, everyone folds to Eric, who moves all in for 53000 and is called. Eric has A8(the Randy) of diamonds. Other guy has QQ. Flop is 10 9 7, turn blank, river 6. Ship. Now at 110k, which is about average with 46 left.

Ship it. Go Batfaces. Go Vodka.


Dinner Break

47 people remaining. Eric has 53k in chips. Average stack is 110k, but he's been short for 9 hours and bald for longer.

Caesars Down

Troy, Freeze, Tim and Randy are all out of todays 621 person field at Caesars. It was the second largest tourney in Caesars history. Randy wanted to let everyone know he got it all in with "the bone".

Sweating the Back of Eric's Head from 40 Yards

Money

Celeste is still alive, but short. He is well into the money with 74 left. Currently at $5381.

go batfaces

From PokerNews updates:

Go Rio pool and me taking creepy pictures.

Event 23 Day 2 Preview

Eric starts the day off with 43,100 TC, which is good enough for 53rd out of 134 remaining. Here is how his first table today will look:

1 - Dan Hill 24,500
2 - Yue F. Huang 23,300
3 - Eric Celeste 43,100
4 - Brandon Marz 13,500
5 - Badih Bounahra 59,600
6 - David Campbell 15,200
7 - Katelyn Tupper 36,000
8 - Scott Bohlman46,300
9 - Andrew Lee 20,800

The only two people at this table with any real kind of tournament experience is Scott Bohlman and Andrew Lee. Bolham has career winnings of over $445,000, while Lee made a final table in one of last years $1,500 WSOP event. The good thing is both of these guys are on Eric's right, which will definitely help.

With the blinds being massive compared to the chip counts,(1500 - 3000 with a 200 ante), look for Campbell, Marz, Lee, Hang, and possibly Hill to be in a double up or go home mood. If Eric gets good cards right out of the gate, he could really add to his chip count, but if he only gets marginal cards, watch out. Now is definitely not the time to be bluffing. I bet we lose 20 players in the first 30 minutes.

Check back here for updates.

Go Batfaces!

Event 23 Day 1

Woke up this morning to the following texts:
Tiny B - I'm out.

Eric 1:31 EST - Thru level 8. Crippled on last hand. Have 12K in chips. 200 left. Short stack time, baby. Can you say, fuck it, crack 'em? Todd out and sleepy. Went out about 215ish. Randy reports Tim is hammered and yelling at people, predicts he'll get kicked out of casino. I will not tell him what room I'm in.

Eric 2:13 EST - 29k. Just tripled up through t.j.

Eric 2:14 EST - 170 left. At 31k.

Eric 2:40 EST - Moved next to Hellmuth. First hand dealt AA. 53k

Eric 4:03 EST - 136 left. I have 43k. A little above average. Hellmuth lost 40k on last hand, dude's buddies started mocking hellmuth, al hell broke loose. Go Batfaces.

Last batface standing

Celeste texts in:
>29K. Just tripled up thru t.j.

t.j. ford?

I'm out

Bad river

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Update

Dan at www.pokerati.com just reported that Tiny B just busted Havad Kahn and now sits right around 20k in chips, which should put him a little over average. Details to come...

UPDATE- Khan was shortstacked and pushed from the button with K3 and Tiny called with AQ. Go Batfaces.

Dinner break.

Todd 9750
Celeste 20000

350 players left. Average stack is 15000. 99 make money.

Tim owns Vegas

End of level 4

Tim down
Randy down
Todd 8000 - just gave away 3000 on last hand
Celeste - 7000
Freeze - 3000

re: event update

Tim down.
Randy too. All in with royal draw against aces. gotta win.
Word via SoS is Todd just doubled up to 10500. Go big todd.

End of level 2

Me 4400
Celeste 7000
Randy. 2200
Freeze 4100
Tim 900
Troy out

I'm playing with Havad Khan and Erica Schonberg.  Great table, other than everyone is better than me.

Event 23 Early Update

First text from Tiny B:

"Haven't won a hand yet. Down to 3400. Sitting next to Erica Schoenberg. I like her boobs. (NSFW) Go Rangers"

Investing in the future

Not be outdone by my Vegas BFF, Zach, I emailed Todd seeking some of his action in the tournament this afternoon. His response below was not encouraging:

Zach bought 2% of me for 50 bucks. You can have the same.
You should be warned that I had 80 drinks last night.

Nevertheless, I feel good about this and predict a money finish (unlike half empty Sommer). Go newborn twins' college fund! Go Batfaces!

P.S. Zach- I miss you. I miss us.

Event 23 breakdown

[UPDATE: finishes scaled to reflect the 1300 entries]
2ish hours away now, follow all the excitement here or on pokernews.com.
Here's my quick assessment of our chances, assuming 2000 runners:

Todd: Plays rock solid thru round 2 and builds a better-than-average chip stack. Get's mildly crippled after opponent's semi-bluff hits. Pushes shortly after knowing there is good golf to watch. Finish: 961

Randy: Hangover and temptation to drink more have him thinking this is not the big event and not worth his time. He can clear his likely payout next Wednesday between 5:22 and 5:47. Finish: 802

Tim: Horribly hungover and extremely gassy, he does not play a hand for 4 hours. Makes a move with pocket 7s and gets called in 3 spots. Spikes 7 on flop and is temporary chip leader. Gets Fawcett syndrome and tries to outplay an Asian pro at some point, gets crushed and moves all in next hand with A9. Finish: 152

Troy: Mistaken for a European train conductor, his table has a very hard time figuring him out. Finish: 280

Celeste: Freerolling and hungry for anything with marinara sauce on it, he plays loose early and donk's his way to a big stack. Makes great laydowns for 5 hours and then overplays QQ near dinner time. After playing for 62 hours yesterday and bubbling, he sucks it up and tries to push thru. Small stack pushes with flush draw and hits against him. Finish: 177

Freeze: Never leaves hot blackjack table. Up $21,000 for the day.

The World Series of Batfaces

Today at noon PST, a fairly large contingent of Batfaces start the quest for poker glory. Our heros participating in Event 23, a $2,000 NLH tournament include:
Eric, Freeze, Tiny B, Tim, Darling, TBR, and possibly Sang. Last year 1,619 people played in this event with the winner, Ben Ponzio, taking home almost $600,000. While I do have a 2% stake in Tiny B, I really think Tim is going to go deepest.

Either way, Go Batfaces.

Matusow winner ship it.

All me.

High 5ing with Matusow heads up.

Mrs tiny box

AIDS?

3 champions

Freeze Warning

And that happened

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

0 - 2

Darling tried his luck in the PL Omaha tourney today. Apparently, his visualization was off because he was knocked out after a couple hours by Scotty Nguyen. The rest of the BATFACES arrive tomorrow.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Almost

Darling down. Came in 2nd at his table.

Darling at WSOP


Darling begins the Batface quest for a WSOP bracelet today in the $1500 NL Shootout. It seems like it should be pretty easy. All you have to do is win 3 nine-person single table SNGs in a row. Go Batfaces!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Greatest Partner in the History of Ever


I was lucky to have Randy Brown (aka TBR or "Tibber", as I like to call him) as my partner for the 97th annual Bent Tree Member/Guest Golf Tournament. With substantial entry fees, players' pools and side bets on the line, we would have to play our asses of to keep from losing our shirts.


Tibber played like the champion he is and we actually bested the entire field of 71 teams. These are the top ten highlights of Randy's stellar play this week.


10. Par on 18, day one. After a decent drive, Tibber had a tough shot into a 35 mph wind from 185. Without a second thought, he laced a 4 iron to just behind the green and made two putts from behind the hole for a critical par.


9. Par on 7, day 2. After a pushed drive that nearly went out of bounds, Randy punched a mid- iron to 100 yards. From there he hit a solid wedge to 12 feet and made his putt for yet another critical par.


8. Par on 1, day 1. After rope hooking his tee shot into the wrong fairway, Tibber was faced with a difficult punch-rope hook to try and get the ball within 100 yards of the green. After several minutes of discussion and agreement as to how Randy would hit the shot, he stepped up to the ball and quickly hit an intentional snap slice the moved 60 yards to his left and on the front edge of the green. Once again, he made a solid two-putt for par.


7. Par on 17, day 3. Facing a challenging cross wind, Randy hit a skyscraper eclipsing tee ball that settled 15 feet from the hole. Then, facing an absurdly quick downhill putt, he made a nice lag giving himself a tap-in for a much-needed par.


6. Par on 11, Day 3. On the two prior rounds, Randy's tee shots were nowhere near being in play. On the final round he hit a 300-yard drive to within 100 yards of the hole. After a decent approach shot, he left his first putt some 8 feet short of the hole. Thinking he pushed his second putt, he early-walked to the hole only to his ball drop into the heart of the cup.


5. Birdie on 12, Day 1. After playing horribly through most of the day, Randy was faced with a difficult approach shot from 167 into a cross-wind. He laced a moon-shot 7-iron that held against the wind and settled less than 6 feet from the hole. He made his birdie putt and celebrated with a fist-pump.


4. Par on 16, Day 3. Playing the difficult par 5, Randy managed to keep his first two shots in play, but sent his approach with a pitching wedge some 65 feet past the front right pin. Then, putting over a swale, with to a severe right-to-left-breaking downgrade, Randy nestled his first putt to within 2 feet and made par. This might have been the winning shot of the entire tournament.


3. Birdie on 14, day 3. Playing the club's signature hole, Randy faced a difficult 172-yard shot to a downhill pin tucked behind a bunker. Without any hesitation, Randy hit a slight draw that took the slope of the green and settled 12 feet from the pin. He made his birdie putt (his 2nd of the tournament) and carted off closest to the pin honors on the hole. This carried an additional prize as well.


2. Staying in tact, Day 3. As the end of the 3rd round approached, Tibber sensed our team was in contention. To calm his nerves, he began drinking heavily. After the tournament was over and Randy realized he was a champion, he continued to imbibe in record proportions. Despite nearly knocking over several tables at the post-tournament reception...AND despite feigning death while nearly passing out in the lounge chairs outside of the pro shop, Randy DID NOT vomit despite several bets against him doing so.


1. At-home management. Although Tibber was supposed to be at home around 7:30 on the evening of the final round, he opted to stay at the club and celebrate his victory. When Mrs. TBR phoned at 8:30 pm to determine "where in the fuck he was," our hero engaged in the following tete-a-tete:


TBR: Hello?

Mrs. TBR: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't file for divorce right now.

TBR: Well, I just won thousands of dollars.

Mrs. TBR: Really?

TBR: Yeah. Do you know the sole reason why?

Mrs. TBR: Uh...why?

TBR: Me.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Thursday, June 05, 2008

More Cricket

I just started Netherland. It's a novel about a man who plays cricket in New York after 9/11. I'm only 14 pages into it, but I can tell already it's going to be awesome. Some great cricket action.