The People You Meet: My Brush with Lady Sports Guru

While enjoying an extremely late lunch at some Tex-Mex joint, I noticed three older gentlemen sitting at the bar and flanked by a mid-sixty-something woman who reminded me of a cross between Lovey Howell and every annoying host of an infomercial. When not guzzling one of several clear-colored mixed drinks or chain smoking her Winstons, she was busy peppering the conversation with ear-shrieking insights like "Oh my God!", "Wow!" and (my personal favorite), "Lordy!"

The conversation between this geriatric brew-crew was influenced heavily by several television screens, all tuned to various sports channels. Some of the topics she opined are as follows (and I sincerely wish I was making these gems up, but I'm not. I actually took notes after her third comment):

• Current major league salaries: "No damn ball player is worth $25 million a year." When one of her companions mentioned that the owners were still making money, she conceded,"Well, that's the ONLY way they're worth it."
• Dallas Cowboys football: "I quit watching the Cowboys when Jerry Jones took over. I didn't even watch the Super Bowls...at least not all of them. But I am looking forward to going to the new stadium.""
• Roger Staubach: "There never has been and never will be a better football player than good ol' Roger."
• Classic Ranger favorites: "I can't narrow it down to one. I just love Nolan Ryan...and Jim Sandberg."
• Current Ranger favorite: "Oh, I can't think of his name, but he's really good. I think he plays catcher."
• The state of the PGA: "I don't really watch unless Tiger's playing. There is one other guy I like though, but I can't think of his name. Isn't there a Mike somebody who is really good? But he's not black."
• The Tour de France: "Those helmets they wear are just for show."
• New Texas Stadium construction problems: "That leads me to believe they are cutting some corners. I wouldn't go near that thing."
• On Chris Chambliss' ALCS clinching home run for the 1976 Yankees (see 3:42 of the link): "I hope to hell they called a penalty on someone."

The Lady Sports Guru now moves up into the #1 slot on my all-time fantasy dinner accompanied by Todd Phillips, Clonie Gowen, Jamie Welton and Tagg's wife.