REPORT FROM RANDY "TBR" BROWN:
Friday night:
The weekend was kicked off nicely when several of our faithful converged upon Adam, Tim, Eric, and Gonz’s hotel room for a little friendly warm-up of pot limit holdem. I arrived at this little affair around midnight with Houston Creighton (a long-time poker player but relative novice). By that point, several things were apparent: (1) Adam was way, way, down; (2) Tim was way, way up; (3) both Tim and Eric were wearing pajamas (read: somewhat hurty); (4) the case of beer they begged that I bring went undrunk as there was already tons of beer there (read below for revenge); and (5) Gonz was, as usual, miserable and seriously contemplating a drive home.
The play was sporadic, loosey-goosey and scary. Adam kept losing, but for some reason failed to call a $32 bet I made on the river holding four nines. Troubling. Earlier, I suffered my worst beat of the weekend when I called an all-in bet from Tim holding AQ with a flop of A-6-4 rainbow. Tim held an impressive pair of sevens which got more impressive when an 8 and a 5 came on the turn and river for the straight. Later, Tim ate the lint from Eric’s navel for $15. Go figure.
Saturday:
We all arrive at Drink Houston for the tourney well in advance of the 10 a.m. registration. The first sign of organizational concerns?—only one scale to verify the food add-on. Even more unsettling, the Food Bank folks weren’t trusting the alleged weight on the packaging. Hmm.
Next, we get in line to register for the tournament and receive our table assignment via a pink chip with your table and seat written thereon. Second sign of trouble: we also have to buy our re-buy right there, not when or if we actually need it. It soon becomes apparent that the re-buy can actually be used from the get-go, basically meaning the tourney costs $310, not $210. Hmm.
Once inside Drink Houston, we mill around the impressive venue, grab some free food and drinks and watch Adam and Tim play a game of Golden Tee (both players inexplicably choose to play Peter Jacobsen—this remains a mystery). As the 11 a.m. start time comes and goes, rumors circulate that the dealers are being taiught the game in another room. Yikes. About this time I start drinking. Shane follows suit.
Finally, after some further confusion, we are asked to make our way to the tables. They are convened in three separate rooms. Peter, Adam, and I are in the largest, with some 10-12 tables packed together. As luck would have it, Adam and I are right behind each other. As luck would not have it, Adam’s table played around 3 hands an hour. I turns out Adam’s dealer had not only not dealt Holdem before, he’d never shuffled before. Typical Adam “beaten by world” expression ensues.
We were each given $2000 in tournament chips—12 green $25 chips, 7 black $100 chips and 2 blue $500 chips. We were also told, amid burgeoning confusion, that we could obtain our re-buy during the next 30 minutes and that somebody would be coming around to our tables for this purpose. Huh?? So, we can’t buy it right now like we assumed outside? Then more confusion with the revelation that the add-on (in the form of our highly plagiarizeable food coupons) would already be in play (as opposed to only available after the first break as indicated in the tournament rules). How would you play this, you ask? Easy. The piece of paper itself was said the be worth $2000 in TC. Wow. Two or three hands into the tournament, the tournament director asked the dealers to redistribute our pink chips for table assignments as $2000 chips for our re-buys. Net result starting chips: 12 green $25 chips, 7 black $100 chips, 2 blue $500 chips, 1 pink $2000 chip and 1 food receipt worth $2000. Evidence of the bizarreness that transpired: on the second hand a guy at my table went all-in with his initial $2000 in chips (no re-buy). While his opponent is contemplating the call, the guy says, “hold on a second,” pulls out his food receipt, adds it to his chips and says, “this, too.” Seriously, I’m not making that up. His opponent folds, and I seriously contemplate getting my money back.
The play at my table was, in a word, terrible. I watched as the guy to my left (who refused to protect his hand) called a $1000 bet on the river holding Q high with a pair, a flush, and a straight on the board and a bettor and raiser in front of him. Worst call I’ve ever seen. Very old Diennesy. Murmur. Later, the crazy, long-haired cowboy to my left (hereinafter “Cowboy”) called a pre-flop all-in bet (his final $4,100) holding 9-10 suited. Did I mention there were two people all-in in front of him? Well, they had pocket Js and As, respectively, but his two pair on the river took the hand. More murmur. Shortly thereafter he sends the only other decent player at our table home when he calls his all-in bet of $3000 holding… 3-5 offsuit. His three 3s on the turn send the pocket Ks packing. (by the way, you should have seen this poor guy. He had the Aces, above, so his pocket As and pocket Ks lost to 9-10 and 3-5 within about 15 minutes. Adam saw most of this. Randy continues to drink. Much, much more murmur….)
Another weak player at my table (let’s call him Clyde) kept winning hands and building his stacks. I like Clyde, mainly because he is very nice and doesn’t seem to notice when I start making fun of him to his face. (Also, and completely unrelated, Clyde and his trashy but sort of naughty in a Dan kind of way sister stay around until after I’m eliminated. She then commences hitting on me which I refuse to reveal to anyone until now.) Clyde and I ended up being the last two remaining players from our table. Towards the four-hour mark, he flopped a boat, kings over queens. There were two other players in the hand, neither of whom recognized Clyde could hardly stay in his seat he was shaking so badly (much less handle his chips which he fumbled uncontrollably). He took down the pot to go way, way up, and I scream to Adam (who is watching from the rail), “way to go RJ!” This went over well. Clyde says something like, “hey, I just had to bet it,” in an effort to console the losers. I’m not sure what this means.
Towards the second break, I was getting to be a pretty short stack at our table (around $5500). But I was staying patient and trying to look for a hand to double through. On the last hand before the break, I’m dealt pocket 10s. Okay. The blinds are 200-400 with $75 antes at this point, so I’ve got precious little room to move. Clyde makes it $2000 to go, Cowboy flat calls (with A-anything, I’m quite certain), and I make a weird move. Thinking that my 10s are good, but also realizing that neither of my opponents are going anywhere for another $3500 (even with my rock-like image), I simply call. They both had well over $15,000 at that point. I know I’ll have to move in on a flop sans Aces. Flop comes 5-10-5. Helpy. I managed to more than triple up and head into the break with around $18k. Sadly, during my phony tank trying to assure a call from Clyde after Cowboy goes all-in, I could never grab Adam’s attention. Dan would have also enjoyed this.
Following the break I manage to move my stacks to over $20k. A very good player from Todd’s table, wearing an adidas jacket and looking ever the part of the crazy arab, moves over to ours. He’s got a nice sized stack (a little bigger than mine) and proceeds to try and bully the table. Whoops. Hadn’t seen this table, sir! On about the third hand, he lose about 75% of his stack when Clyde’s raggedy ace pairs to trumps his overpair on the turn. Arab mumbles something about having bet him thousands of dollars pre-flop and on the flop. I tell him he hasn’t been playing at the table long enough to make any assumptions about the state of play. I then scream, “go RJ!!”.
Shortly thereafter, Kevin (ye of “get your horns up!” fame at the final table) whose been sitting at my left for about 2 hours and playing okay, makes an incredibly bad play into Clyde for all his chips. Clyde’s got him covered, and Kevin moves in on a flop of 7-7-8 holding A-8. Of course Clyde, shaking as ever, calls him with 7x. Kevin gets an 8 on the turn or his tournament ends right there. Kevin finished 2nd. I’m very disappointed with RJ at this point.
While Todd has alleged privately that my call of an all-in holding 6s at the final two tables was “Clonie-like” (with opponent holding A-6) I made two other more Clonie-like calls than those 6s. The first one was against the aforementioned Cowboys that had been drawing out on everybody. I had about 23k, he had about 6.5k, blinds are at 400-800, and he makes it 2000 to go pre-flop. I call with pocket 6s. Flop comes J-8-4 rainbow. I check, he immediately goes all-in and I quickly call. I had been playing tight all day, he had been trying to bully where he could, and I just knew he was trying to buy it. He turns over A-K, and gets no help on the turn or river. I'll never forget that moment. It was like, wow, that's good damn poker there, bubba. (I know, very Toddy of me.)
The second time, Shane had replaced the Cowboy at our table. I find A-Q suited in late position (maybe button) with the blinds at 500-1500, and Clyde raised it to 2000. I had about 25K and he had around 18K. I made it 4K to go and he hesitantly called. Flop comes 8d-9h-4d. I check he bets 2K and I quickly raise all in. He paused for a second and then folded. I show the AQ and say something like, "see, you can win with A-Q, Shane." I'm not really even sure that was the right play, but it was worth it to see the look on Shane's face.
Shortly after that hand, I moved to what would become my final table. At this point, it seemed like we were down to about 30 players. Tim was two to my right, looking as ridiculous as ever in his cowboy hat and shades. But he was getting some luck and staying alive (more below). The blinds were going up like crazy, and you had to make a move. I called an all-in bet holding K-J suited when I had the bettor cover by about 50%. He turned over A-x, and I made three kings on the turn to get to around $55k.
At that point, I thought I had a chance. This table was remarkably better than mine (since everyone had sunglasses on and a serious face). Still, I was quite certain that I was the best player at the table. Some slick-haired asshole to my immediate right (hereinafter “SHA”), who had quite a vocal contingent of hot girls supporting him, called an all-in bet hold K-9 offsuit shortly thereafter. He drew out on a pocket pair, and I started gushing to SHA, “man, what a great play.” Did I mention I was really, really drunk by this point? Incredibly, he just said, “thanks, man,” like it was a great play. SHA made the final eight. I hate myself. He could have at lest punched me in the face.
Our table is then moved the final two table room, where the dynamic and energy is awesome. It seems like tons and tons of people are watching us play. It was great to feel the support of everyone down from Dallas and maybe a few others (though Peter would allege that most others hated me). I made the big call with 66s and then I pushed a player off his raise from the big blind holding A-2. At this point, I made the ill-fated mistake of turning it over and screaming to no one in particular, “Ace-two wins again!!” Todd feels this was bad karma. I think he’s right.
At that point, I think I had around $90k with around 13-14 people left. I may not have been the chip leader, but I was certainly in the top three. I probably could have survived to the final table (and maybe even the final 8) by just sitting on my chips. However, blinds were already at 10k-20k, so even a stack of 90K was in trouble. On my fateful hand, I called an all-in bet (around $38K) holding A-10o. He flipped over J-10 and then drew out on me. Sure, I was a 70% favorite right there, but a by far better play would have been to sit on my chips and survive to 8. It was a critical, critical mistake—one that haunts me. Oh, I was also really, really drunk by this point.
After I busted out, Gonz busted out shortly thereafter. Though I didn’t see it, Todd tells me Gonz plays a short stack for a long time like a pro. I believe it. We stayed to watch some of the final table action, but soon after, bitterness got the best of me and I began to taunt Kevin by screaming “get your horns up!” Shane then punches me in the stomach twice.
After that, we left Drink Houston, Todd threw up about 9 times and I generally made an ass of myself. That is all.
Here are some other accounts:
FROM ERIC "TULSA" CELESTE:
FROM GENTLE SHANE KELLER:
1. Don't forget the Friday night game. Adam approaching Tim's one-game loss record ($550--he fell short by a hundy or more). The beat Rogers put on you with the pocket 7s, which straightened out (eerily foreshadowing the next day's events). The $15 I paid Tim to eat whatever I pulled out of my belly button (which ended up being a good chunk of lint and a single hair).
2. Before the tourney began, Aaron I and I were sizing up our table when a guy came to discuss something with his buddy near us. Overheard him say, "Did you hear that a bunch of guys from DALLAS drove down for this?" Fear was instilled.
3. Our dealer was so incredibly slow that we played three hands in the first 20 minutes or so.
4. To my right was a very, very large woman named Janice, who would go on to make the final three tables. She was very cool. She plays a lot with her husband, and is a much better player. "He gets bored," she told me. "Eventually, he's going all in with a 5-2 off-suit." Eerily foreshadows Tim's play later. (BTW: The T-Rog is the 10-3 spades ONLY. Not suited, spades. Just as the Cloutier is the J-9 clubs.) Janice was naming the jerks at our table names like "Reader" (dude who ignored everyone and read the NYT magazine) and "Psycho," the maniac who I will now describe.
5. Deciding hand at our table went down like this: Maniac at our table, who plays most hands and who has been getting incredibly lucky (beat me early on when I flopped top pair after a pre-flop raise, but had called my raise with his 7-4 off-suit and flopped two pairs). Aaron and I after the first break tell each other, Wait for the monster, then take him out. Anyway, Aaron and I in middle position, I look down and see A-9 suited. I raise four times the big blind. I've got a strong table image at this point, having won back a bunch of money and recently gone all in with a pair of sixes with an A-K on the board when I was first to act and moved out a good player. Aaron calls, which scares the hell out of me (he's just to my left), as we'd been dancing at opposite ends of the ballroom. Then maniac RAISES. Goddamnit. I think for a while, remember that Aaron had called me, tell myself anyone can wake up with Aces, and fold. Aaron thinks for a long time, then calls. I'm hoping he has the monster. Flop comes A-K-rag with two clubs. Aaron bets 2K. (Stacks are four to eight K at this point. I'm at about 7K, Aaron about 6K--this guy about 5K, I think.) The guy calls. Ace clubs on the turn. Aaron bets 2K. This puts the guy all but $175 in, and he just calls. (Moron.) Aaron whispers to me, "I think he's got me outkicked." Damnit, Aaron. I put Aaron on A-10 or A-9. River comes a 9. Aaron puts the guy all in, turns over the A-9 boat. The guy turns over his J-high flush--and starts sweeping the pot! Doesn't see the boat, and then doesn't realize the boat beats a flush. Awesome. Propelled Aaron into a high finish, totally screwed me out of another few thousand I coulda used. Aaron had the brass balls, I didn't, although I'd make the same play a hundred times again. Later, with 4.5K and the blinds at 500-1500 and antes at 200, meaning it's more than $3500 to play a round, I go all in as the big blind with A-K, Janice calls me as the little blind with 7-7 (Aaron reluctantly folded 5-5), and the pair holds up.
6. Late in the day, when it's down to 3 tables, I cheer Janice on, double Dewars in my hand. Shane looks at her, turns to me, smiles and says, "Goin' hoggin' tonight, big guy?"
7. Our rooting contingent was so excited when Tim went all in, confident he would double up and join Randy and Gonz at the final table. It's hard to describe the collective confusion that settled over us when he turned over the T-Rog. It was like when your girlfriend unexpectedly breaks up with you. We just stared at each other, mouthing "Why? WHY?"
8. That J-10 dude hitting the straight. That wasn't cool.
9. There is some confusion on Gonz going all in with the A-8. He was not in the small blind, he was in the big blind. The next hand, the small blind would have put him all in. So taking a shot with the A-8 short-handed was obviously the right play.
10. Quote of the century: "Me first, me first!"
11. Don't forget that Todd was doing everything he could to make sure we were hated by the crowd, including chanting at the final table, "O-VER-RA-TED!"
12. The final throw-up tally: Randy, once in the bathtub. Todd gave you his list.
13. The bathtub was necessary because Randy had stuffed the toilet with Miller Lite.
14. The funniest irony of the weekend was that Tim--who I've nursed through no fewer than 15 drunken, angry, benders--was irritated that Randy was acting so damn drunk. "When was the last time I acted like a jerk like that?" he asked me angrily. Oh, say, New Year's Eve, when he called his wife a whore and our Hispanic female friend a "dirty Mexican" while four couples were playing a board game.
15. My favorite phone call was the one I received from Becca, which she suckered me in with a sweet, "Hi, Eric!" I immediately started laughing, telling her, Hey, we're having a blast, trying to sober up your hubby. She then let into me with a detailed retelling of her shitty afternoon/evening. This went on for two solid minutes. Scared, I just handed the phone to Randy, who tried and failed to sound sober. Several sources report that Becca said something to the effect of, "I can't even talk to you right now, because your voice is so annoying to me."
16. Oh, and I lost my wallet. That was super sweet.
FROM TIM ROGERS:
Only hand of interest I can recall is the one that nearly led to a fisticuffs at my table.
Here's the story...
The best player at my first table was something of a dick. Good at stealing blinds, but he openly commented when someone made a poor play. On one occasion another player at the table bets all the way through the river with pocket 8's with an Ace and a 10 on the flop. Of course the guy loses, but the dickhead states, "If you keep playing hands like that, you won't be here for long."
Anyway, he (hereinafter "Dick") has a 2-to-1 chip lead over the next highest stack and he bets heavily after the flop. The big blind, who is not a strong player (but has won some nice hands with BIG pocket cards) calls the raise which amounts to about one-fourth of the blind's chips. Flop is Ad-Jc-4d. Dick bets heavily again, and thinking about it for a while, the Big Blind reluctantly calls.
Now, I'm not very good at reading hands, but I figure that Dick is holding A-A, K-K, Q-Q, J-J, A-K or A-Q, but only if it is suited diamonds. I think the other guy is probably on a straight or flush draw or he has an ace with a marginal kicker.
Next card is the Queen of spades. Dick bets heavily again and the Blind quickly raises (which he has only done once earlier...and that was with pocket aces), leaving himself only about $1000 in chips. Dick calls. Now I'm thinking that the Blind just hit a straight (and at worst he hit two high pair, Aces and Queens, but I'm almost positive it is the former).
Anyway, the turn is the Queen of hearts. Again, Dick bets enough to put the Blind all-in and the Blind immediately calls. They show their cards and Dick is holding A-J (he flopped top two pair) and Blind rolls Kd-10d for a straight on the turn. The loss cost Dick about 80 percent of his chips, essentially crippling him.
I tell the blind that he played the hand well and Dick quickly states, "How can you say he played that hand well?!?" I replied with something about him staying in with a good drawing hand and then betting aggressively, but not recklessly once he made his hand. Again Dick says, "How can you say that?!? He called thousands of dollars in raises hoping for a gut-shot draw?"
I was about to state that guy also held the nut-flush draw, and that he only called two medium size raises before he made his hand AND it should have been obvious to Dick that he was going to need more than two high pair to win the hand. Instead, I got Shaney and said, "Well since he just raked most of your fucking chips into his stack, I guess I can pretty much compliment him any goddamned way I please." Tense silence ensued for the next 20 minutes or so until they called the break.
Dick later apologized, saying he didn't realize the Blind had the flush draw (13 outs) as well. I was less than gracious in my response saying something about knowing that it was a tough loss, but that I thought his condescending manner was capable of getting his clock cleaned in the parking lot if he wasn't careful.
I later found out he was a fucking Aggie, so I guess he had it coming.
Also, after Todd got knocked out he said he wanted to get drunk and I offered to buy shots. Todd told me could only drink "girl shots", so I went to the bar. Bartender was the pseudo-surly bald guy in the back room. After ordering a Dewars rocks for Celeste, a Shiner for McGill, a Turkey straight up (me), a Bud Light (chaser for me), and a Tanqueray and Tonic (Chaser for Todd)...I then say, "My faggot friend can't drink real shots, so I need you to make the worst-tasting girlie shot you can that will make him throw up." McGill witnessed this.
The bartender quickly complied with a grin saying, "One girly shot to make him throw up." Don't know what was in the murky, pinkish-brown concoction that followed, but when Todd drank it, he quickly reached for MY bud light so he could chase it accordingly.
Oh yeah, and I also liked it when I kept punching Randy because you were over-cheering for that dipshit at the final table wearing the Texas windbreaker.
Before moving to the final room, I was short stacked, with only about $2k. Without looking at my hole cards, I went all in from early position. Got called with K-Q. I had 10-8 and flopped a boat, 10s full. That was my comeback. Fought back up to around $40k. Until the 10-3 all-in. That lost to K-J suited.
1 comment:
all aggies are idiots
"baaaaa" means no
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