Saturday, September 30, 2006

Emmitt was 22

Tiny B on break. Twenty-two left, he says he's short-stacked. Again, I assume he's talking about his chips. Go Big Todd!

Tiny B in the Money

Says he's in decent shape. I took that to mean "in the tourney." Me = excited + nervous + messy + hungry.

Go. Big. Todd.

Todd just doubled up with AQ vs. JJ. Thirty-three players left, he's six from the money with $17K. Me = excited + nervous + horny.

1500

I'm at dinner break in the $1500 NL in tunica. 48 players remain of the original 225. The top 27 make the money. I have 15000 in chips, which is a little above par. Darling and Hong Kong played as well, but have not lasted. So unfortunately for some, I'm not offing myself. Winner takes home 101K.

Tunica 2

Darling up.
Hong Kong up.
Tiny B... Fuck cards.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Tunica live blog 1

Hammered. Go first class!

Honk Kong Sue, Darling and I just landed in Memphis. Aycock is waiting on us at The Grand. You fuckers will be sorry you missed this one. $1500 tomorrow at noon. If I don't win the last-longer, I'm offing myself.

Hardest working man in poker?

I read this great post by Jane "I know her name is Change" 100 on pokerblog last month and linked to it here. Today her boss (inverse) scooped her. Which brings up a good point: do you need to give credit if it's linked from your own blog? Maybe if you wait a month later it's okay? Is that related to live-blogging a re-run two months later?

Am not a batface?

Sir, how can you possibly suggest that me playing poker until 4 in the morning on a school night is proof that I am not a batface? This is a POKER blog. Batface is a POKER term. Softball is for athletes, not batfaces. Put simply Shane, I have met batfaces, and you are no batface.

On unrelated pokery notes, at least two batfaces will play in tomorrow's 1500 NL Event at the Grand. Go Big Todd! Go batfaces!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I am a Batface...You am not a Batface

I like to think Batfaces wear their hearts on their sleeves. Even when the chips are down, they nut up and give it their best. Apparently I was wrong.

Case in point, our most intelligent BF, Matt Sommer, came up with a brilliant...or not so brilliant idea to put together a softball team this season. Unfortunately, we quickly learned how fast our old baseball skills of yore hade declined. Aside from numerous injuries, we have been unable to mount either a decent offensive gameplan, nor any kind of cohesive defensive effort whatsoever.
The early going has been ugly. Not only have we been non-competitive...we've been...well...non-competitive. Standing at a pathetic 0-4, we have yet manage more than three runs in a game. Sweet? I think not.

Still, we all signed up to play...and as Batfaces, I believe it is our duty to stick together, despite these adverse times. Batfaces are all about pride...or so I thought.

At this point, I can say I am ashamed to know many of you. In trying to field a team of 10, or at least nine, players tonight, we found ourselves woefully short.

Amongst the no-shows:

Randy Brown, who found time time to play poker until 4am last night, but was conspicuously unavailable when the Batfaces needed him. Moreover, during his last Batface poker session, he attempted to injure our new shortstop, Wrestlemania style. In truth, Randy's not that good as his one and, likely, only outing showed, but is that any reason not to honor a commitment?

Michael Simmons...Simmons,Simmons, Simmons. Our favorite Batface wannabe has yet to make a game despiate his "hey dudes, I'll be there" promisises all season. Hey "dude", it is simple. Game starts at such and such time at such and such place. Those elements DO NOT change. So why the last minute change in plans?

Brian Brookhart. Who are you and why are you on our roster? Do the shades match the rug? I don't even know what that means. I have a jersey for you. I would give it to you, but I haven't the slightest idea of how to get in touch with you.

Adam McGill, faithful trooper during our first two double-headers...but why have you forsaken us now?

Eric Pfeiffle...has justifiably had the worst Batface experience throughout our season thus far, but still his only reply was "can't make it." I guess his new found success with the chicas makes Batface endeavors irrelevant? Honey, we love you. We miss you.

There might have been a few legitimate excuses, though. Jason Clark claimed he couldn't be there because a client (he's an attorney), ran over someone, but thought that someone was a cow. Fair enough, I think. Besides, he's only a Bat-Face hanger-on. But we are still terribly attracted to him.

Scott Fawcett would have missed the game anyway due to injury, but he had the added buffer of death #245 in his family this summer. As he said, "Last year was the Summer of Scott. This year is the Summer of Death. What will next Summer be?" Next year will clearly be the Summer of....

As much as I hate to do it, I even have to call out Todd Phillips. He and Sommer sort of conspired to pull the team together and he even offered to manage AND he even attended our lone practice session. Then he booked 32 different business flights, all conflicting with our terribly important softball schedule.

It is a sad, sad day when non-Batfaces like Troy Wicker and Chris Hammons have played more Batface softball than some of the phantoms who claim the monicker. I would be ashamed to say I am a Batface, but the truth is...you no-shos are less than gentlemenly and nowhere near reliable.

We represent. You don't.

P.S. Zach, love your effort and I love your left ass-cheek.

P.P.S. Celeste, Love you...love your innocuous shoulder tackle.

P.P.P.S. Thum...can't believe I am saying this, but you might be the most Batface-y of all.

P.P.P.P.S. Dan, you need to play deeper in the outfield.

Sugar out.

Monday, September 25, 2006

WARNING: Bankroll may suffer...

Looks like a quorum of batfaces will be heading to the WSOP Circuit tourney in Tunica this weekend for the $1500 NL event and, possibly, the $5000 Main Event. Can't really figure out why I shouldn't join them, save my crummy tournament game. This year, the event conflicts with the US Poker Championship at the Taj, an event commonly covered in depth by ESPN. I assume, since the Circuit's Main Event is down from 10k last year, that most of the big names will be in Atlantic City. Fortunately, these idiots will be there to entertain.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Re: 3 posts down

Sent this morning from TBR

Gentlemen,



Suffice to say, I had NO IDEA how far my softball skills had atrophied until last night, and as a result, I have never been on more tilt than I was while racing back through the forest in left field hopelessly chasing moon shots while avoiding street signs. By my count, I had two balls bounce off my glove, was flailing on the ground on three separate occasions, pulled the old sixth grade "race in, then panic and race backwards as the ball is flying over your head" job (unforgivable), was 0-for-4 at plate getting (incredibly) jammed 3 times, gave our opponents at least 4 extra outs, caused Freeze to suffer a mild hernia due to laughter, and finally, accidentally (and loudly) farted in front of Scott's girlfriend (and I know this because of her laughter and the startled and shocked look on her face that said,"wow, you are complete fucking mess!"). In a word, I was atrocious.

Driving home, it occurred to me that the last time I played softball was 8 years and 30 pounds ago. I am a fat, fucking loser.

Poker tomorrow?

J. Randal Brown

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Official Club of the Batfaces

There's a club in the Borgata called Murmur.

Friday, September 15, 2006

House rule #1

I think I am a decent host...usually have plenty o' liquor, beer, food, bread (celeste), smoke all you want and just leave the cig butts on my back porch as if someone will eventually pick them up (Sang), half of Dallas has my garage code, music or ball games as need be, and of course all the Galaga/Dig Dug/Pac-Man/Ms. Pac Man/Mappy/Mr. Do/Gyrus/Frogger/Poker you can handle. But I am officially instating my first house rule of NO MORE PIZZA at poker night. Bring whatever food items you must and feel free to eat as much of my food as you must but due to my COMPLETE lack of self control we are NEVER ordering pizza again.

Unless of course we need more pizza.

Go Batfaces softball!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Should we stick to poker?

My wife and I arrived during the middle of the second game of the first official batface softball team to join the cheering throngs of Jen, Ashlie and Karen. I couldn't make our opener due to familial commitments, plus I wouldn't have been much use given I was still (and am still) on ubertilt over evitegate. They immediately bombarded me with an assortment of questions surrounding the issue of when they were allowed to leave. Ashlie appeared the most distressed. I asked what's wrong, and she said something about "embarrassed for Adam" and "hard to watch." This seemed odd to me as Adam is a terrific volleyball player with incredible jumping ability. Oddly, Ashlie seemed shocked by this for a moment and then asked, "have you seen him run?"

A few seconds later, the opposing team hit a hot shot to third approximately 2 centimeters to Shane's right. Shane missed it by two feet, but did three somersaults flailing in the dirt to accentuate the effort. Shortly thereafter, team batface managed to execute a successful rundown involving all 10 players on the field and 46 throws. Never mind the fact that everyone on the other team scored twice in the process.

This led to an amusing exchange between my wife and I:

wife: who's the best player out there?
me: (chuckling) probably Shane.
wife: Really?

Go batfaces.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

WSOP Coverage

Jamie Gold may be the worst person ever.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Unthinkable

I know this doesn’t have anything to do with poker, but I still wanted to bring it to the group’s attention: Woke up this morning to find out that Steve The Crocodile Hunter was killed…by a stingray. Shocking.

In related news, Dan said something awesome about poker.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Notes To Self

Last night was one of our typical Batface home game at Danang's house. The usual crowd was there minus TBR and Todd however Tim made his second appearance since his time out several months ago. Throughout the night I was making some mental notes that might help me get through the weekly games a little better.

1. When playing at Danang's during the summer wear the least amount of clothes or buy misters and/or fan's to help cool down the room. Brutal. Side note, when Tim plays, very important to bring an industrial exhaust fan pointed at him and out the window so the rest of the table doesn't have to smell what comes out of that foul ass of his. How his wife does it is beyond comprehension.

2. When eating Kung pao chicken from Pei Wei for lunch, not a good idea to eat Sang's jalepeno hamburgers along with two pork sausages comprised of what was in Tim's ass. Washing it down with 2 red bull and vodkas probably wasn't smart either. At 3:00 this morning I was throwing the most vile concoction of food down the toilet. 30 minutes later it was coming out the other side with such voracity, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was actually trying to figure out a way to ask my wife for a blumpkin. New word I learned last night. Don't think there is a Jewish girl in the world that will do that. Cursing Sang was also a good option.

3. Buy some air refreshener for my bathroom because of #2.

4. Buy the new Blackberry Pearl when it comes out in October. Having video and photo capabilities along with a blackberry to tape Shane coming into the game with an oversized cardboard IOU from Dan for $118.00 would be priceless. He pasted the two bad checks Dan wrote on the IOU. Awesome.

5. Contribute to a TV fund for Danang's house. Watching anything on that TV is like going to a Pink Floyd laser light show stoned at the planetarium.

6. Come up with a phrase to scream obnoxiously at Dan after getting the quads on the river in Omaha to beat his boat especially after he re-raised me all in when I put in a $30 bet with the quads. "I've got the Nuts Baby", "Quads Kick the Boat's Ass", something. Hopefully my journalist friends can help me out. No, I wasn't sore at the runner runner he beat me with last week to make an incredible comeback in heads up, but at his comment about how I have never read any poker books which explain my schlogger results. I will come back by the end of the year and beat Dan. Promise.

7. Maybe buy one poker book and read it.

8. Make enough money to buy a house in Preston Hollow so we can play there every week and not have to drive 30 miles back north from East Texas.

9. Never tell Dan a secret unless it is safe for it to be out after 48 hours. Rumor is that one of the original Batfaces might be moving back to Dallas and play in the home game. When Zach asked us what type of person he is since they haven't met, we all just smiled. The home game just got more interesting again.

10. Start considering talking in third person. Thum liked when Sommer did it for a few minutes. Thum was couldn't stop laughing at this.

11. Learn how Shane uploads pictures to link to so this would make this post more enjoyable.

12. Be happy to finally post a respectable amount to the schlogger.

Now I know, that there will be several more additions to this, and I'm sure there will be a flurry of comments making fun of me, but as usual, I don't care.

Go Batfaces!!! Go Home Game!!!