Late-Night Batface Fest

Quick report on the post-Medici action. (At which Batface Robert Wilonsky came in 3rd, which was awesome, and couldn't enjoy it at the table because MC Phil Helmuth kept mispronouncing his name and didn't remember being interviewed by him, which was beyond awesome. Posts on this TK from other Batfaces and on Pokerati, where I'm sure it will be mentioned that I won a single table tourney for an iPod Shuffle.)

We decided to go to Dan Michalski's crib for after-hours action. I get to Dan's at 11:30. His roomie, Sang, is playing PlayStation NCAA '06 while simultaneously watching Southpark. He looks very confused when he answers the door. I tell him folks are coming over for a quick tourney. He pours me bourbon over ice and asks me to please take the WSOP PlayStation game home, so he and Dan can be "somewhat productive" again.

Zach and Dan B. arrive. Dan B. proclaims himself "very scotchy." Zach steels himself for hours of embarrassment. Tim arrives with Clonie Gowen, who looks great as always. Tim is very drunk and assholey. Clonie walks around the house and looks quite stunned at its incompleteness. She says she's starving and looks even more horrified to find there is not one thing resembling edible foodstuff in the house. She begs us to order a pizza, which we do. (Sang runs to the door when he arrives and refuses to let anyone pay a dollar.)

We'd decided to play a cash game. Pat, the guy who makes the supersweet poker tables (really nice guy) shows up to play, too. We run .50-1 NL. Everyone buys in for a hundy, I buy in for 60. First hand, Dan raises to 4, tim raises to 15, I go all in, everyone folds to Tim, who says F-you and calls with A-10 off. I have JJ. Flop comes J-2-2. I am in, as they say, a commanding position. Runner-runner aces do not come, and I now sit on my stack for two hours as Tim goes $200 down an then $250 up playing insane. (I only get in one hand with him, calling him down with third pair for the winner.) Dan and Sang re-raise each other all-in every third hand. Pat looks horrified, Clonie looks ... she looks SAD. Tim spends the last hour asking Clonie how hard she likes it, does she like it hard, does she want to be raped, declaring his horniness for her, telling her to eat a fucking twinkie, telling her he's a better card player than she is, smirking the entire time. I was sober and sick of him by 11:38. We played until 2 and I pulled a Todd, cashing immediately and walking out the door.

Dan was also just out of control. He hit on Clonie every chance he got. When she said she was tired, he OF COURSE said, "Well, you can stay here for the night," complete with lurid grin. I mean, he's such a stray dog with a pink boner, you wanna call animal control.

Dan B. was so drunk it was silly. K-8, he raises $50 into an unraised pot. He knocked his drink over twice in 18 seconds. Zach was exasperated at trying to be his dad's father. EVERY time it was Dan's turn, Dan would START to say "What is it to me?" or "What's happening?" and Zach would just yell, "Put a blue chip in, DAD!" That part was actually funny.

Oh, and when Clonie stood up and leaned over to sweep a pot, Dan B. slapped her on the ass. When she left she proclaimed me least creepy guy there, which isn't saying much. If she never again talks to us, could you blame her? Go Batfaces!