14

Fuck Thum. Fuck Rogers. Fuck Dan. Fuck everyone at the Mirage. Oh yeah, and fuck humanity in general.

Everyone has bad beat stories, and no one likes hearing about them, especially when Thum is writing them. Not that Thum isn’t a great writer. On second thought, I take it back. Reading Thum’s posts is akin to reading the owner’s manual for my Chevrolet Tahoe, all the while waiting for a plot twist or a secret revelation…or anything! For fuck’s sake Thum, how about little color or some humor.?!? Maybe even an entertaining anecdote? I would even settle for an acceptable subject followed by a predicate.

Anyway, in three sessions of poker, I’ve walked into 14 (count ‘em, 14!) hands where I was AT LEAST a 4-to-1 favorite to win the pot post-flop, only to lose to some jack-ass who hit a miracle card on the turn or the river. And it’s not like I was slow-playing these hands either. In each instance, some douchebag had to call not one, but two substantial bets with a shit hand.

Dan calls this a “value bet.” Then again, Dan makes his living at a tit bar. Oh, well.

So, to all of you who are enjoying my money right now, please allow me to tell you how much I enjoyed playing with you. Also, let me offer my sincerest wishes that the coroner finds your mother dead in her bedroom closet as a result of an incident of inflagrante delicto gone awry with her neighbor’s German Shepherd.

And, to all my ex-girlfriends who claimed I was lousy in the sack, you were right…but fuck you, too.