17...You Motherfuckers

Thinking that my luck couldn't get any worse, I decided to win all my losses back at the $2-$5 NL game at the Mirage. Down $500, I only needed to double up on my buy-in to get back to even.

My luck turned for the better on only the third hand. With 6 limpers in front of me, I raised to $20 with 7-7 and got six (count 'em, 6 callers). With a flop of 7-9-9, I knew I was back on my way to winning big. One player leads out for $15, everyone folds to the player to my right who calls. I call as well. Next card is a 4. The original bettor leads out for $50. Player to my right folds and I raise to $100. The original bettor goes all-in and has me covered. I immediately call and he turns over 9-10, and says, "Great trap there". Naturally, the river is a 10 and I'm down another $500 after less than 6 minutes of play. Fuck me.

Tilting, I buy-in again.

After treading water for two hours, I see K-K in the big blind. With four limpers in front of me, I raise to $25 and get two callers. The flop comes J-J-8. Marginally worried about a jack, I bet $40 to see where I am. One player calls and I'm now concerned. With a 9 on the turn, I lead out for $90, which puts my opponent all-in. I show my kings as he rolls over his pocket tens. The turn is a queen giving him the straight. Double fuck me.

I hang around, with my chip stack vacillating between $190 and $400 for the next five hours. A new player comes to the table at 2:30am and loses five small pots by trying to chase. Shortly, thereafter, I am dealt 6h-7h in the big blind. UTG+1 raises to $15 and three players call. Willing to gamble, I call the extra $10 to see the flop. I'm pleased when the dealer puts 5h-8d-Ah on the board, giving me draws galore. The chaser mentioned above leads out for $20 and I raise to $40. He immediately calls. The turn is Qh giving me my flush. The new guy leads out for $100 and I go all-in for $290 more only slightly worried about the larger flush. He insta-calls turning over Kh-Qs for top pair with a nut-flush draw. As per every other mother-fucking, piece of shit, donkey-assed, michalski-esque, thum-o-matic, celeste-ian hand I've played on this fucking trip, the 2 of hearts comes on the river and I'm out of chips again.

Steaming, I head for the door only to see an Asian bastard who sucked out on me three times last night. He nods to me as if to acknowledge my presence, and I spew "fuck you, donkey boy." He silently glares at me while I shoot him the finger.

So let's recap:

Hands in the last four sessions I've lost on the turn or the river after leading post flop by a substantial margin: 17

Hands I've won during the same duration with a card on the turn or river: 1 (nut flush on the turn while holding top pair... I was a 2-to-1 dog).

People I've murdered in the last 45 minutes: 3

People I plan to murder when I get back to Dallas: 4