Table Image, Part I

"nyumrrr... a lesser player might only eat 31 chicken wings."

Flying Tips

Us Airways just announced they are going to have poker experts give poker tips on their in-flight entertainment show. Tulsa, how is Southwest going to compete with that? Instead of peanuts, are they going to hand out a poker odds chart? Just wondering.

Anatomy of a Tank: Gentle Shane

In my ongoing efforts to support the non-profit pro-tank poker group TANK (Tanks Are Necessary for Knowledge), a rundown on last night's Batface game, with a description of a $125-saving tank.

By night's end, there were 18 or so of us playing two tables at RC. A quick description of some of the players with whom I got involved and their aura/style for the evening:

Host Robert: come-hithery/aggressive
Sarah Dodd: come-nevery/short-stacked
Danny Wine: scotchy/leaking
Troy Darling: Jack witha twisty/calling
Todd Phillips: Smitten with Sangy/doubling up through dad
Sang: Giggly/PL City
Adam: Loose Cally/Re-distributing my chips
Shane: Happy/Stacky
Dan: Raise-y/Lose-y

Others were there: Scott F. (Fresh from a Dan Harrington book club session), TBR (in fine Sweater Vest form), Simmons (seemed SLIGHTLY less desperate to lose all his money than normal), Comstock (sporting his new Mathew Modine 18-minute mark of Full Metal Jacket look), Thum (is it me, or is he looking FINE these days?), and a few others with whom I never got into hands.

Coupla hands pre-tank worth noting:

Interesting hand with Adam early. Here's one thing folks should know about Adam: he can't be bullied. He will take re-raises as a personal challenge. He will also call most pre-flop raises from the BB for this same reason. He is of the "protect my blinds" school. If you know this, you can take advantage of it or avoid sticky bluffing situations that won't work. If you forget this, he can make you pay.

So it was not surprising that when I made it $9 to go with A-Q hearts from late position after he'd called a min-raise in early position, he called. Flop came K-J-6 with two clubs. He immediately bet $15. Based on a variety of factors that come from playing with Adam a lot, I believed the flop missed him but he had a draw. I thought perhaps A-Q like me, or A-10, any ace with two clubs, Q-10, or any two suited club connectors. My thought was that I'm ahead in most everyone of those scenarios, and if I come back over the top for at least 40, the correct play is to fold. If he doesn't and I've read it right, I'm in good shape. If I'm wrong and he has second pair (Q-J, J-10, something like that) I've still got outs. In any case, unless I was DEAD wrong, he would have to strongly consider folding, as it would be the proper play, given the range of hands I could hold.

Problem was, after I raised 40 (Adam had 53 behind him), he immediately got his stubborn face on. Idiot me, I thought. I'd just check-raised him out of a pot three or four hands earlier when I made a similar read and had flopped second pair with an ace. I realized that this wasn't about the hand, it was about, "No way I'm letting Celeste do this to me twice in 15 minutes. I can't be pushed around." In my opinion, based on what he said afterward, he tried to do the math TO justify the call, not to evaluate the call. I think this is the result of too many tanks (certainly too many I've put myself in) where you search for reasons to justify the move you want to make, not try to push past the emotions and evaluate the hand dispassionately. I show this for comparison to my tank later on.

So he pushed all in, I had to call with $13 more. He turned over 10-9 clubs. I don't think that's the "right" play, but it wasn't a bad play. It WAS a play I should have expected given the stated factors, but I just didn't evaluate the player properly beforehand, which led to me getting all my money in as only a 55-60 percent favorite, which is better than being a coinflip but not surprising that I lost. (He turned a 9, river was a blank.) I felt good about read of his hand, but chastized myself for not taking the time to consider the texture of the game to that point, which might have led me to just give the hand up, even though I thought I was ahead. Get your money in at a better spot, Celeste. That was my takeaway.

That said, I played pretty aggressively the rest of the night, to good effect. Came back after the Adam hand and had a nice stack, thanks largely to Troy Darling paying me off in consecutive hands. Then, post-tank with Shane (described momentarily), I had this hand with Dan.

I limp UTG. Three callers, then Dan in mid-late position makes it $5 to go. We all call. Flop comes K-J-5. I check. It's checked around to Dan, who bets $5. Turn is an ace, which gives a heart draw. I check, again it gets to Dan, who bets $10. I call. Everyone else folds. River is a 2, no heart. I bet $10, Dan raises to $30, I IMMEDIATELY push in my entire stack of about $275 in a ridiculous all-in overbet display. Dan has about $120 behind him, and he picks it up and IMMEDIATELY and authoritatively slams it down, calling all-in. I turn over pocket 5s. He shows pocket 2s for the lower set. I invite analysis of this hand, as this post is already too long. (I know I slow-played it and put myself at peril. Given that I knew almost right away I would be up against Dan heads-up by hands-end, I took the risk for the big payoff.)

The tank hand: I had a coupla hundred in front of me. I raise from late position with A-K to $7 or $8 or so. I get one caller, Shane, who is in early position. Flop comes K-Q-6. Shane checks. I bet $10. He calls. Turn is a blank. He checks. I consider checking here. I don't like his call on the flop. I don't believe in betting to "see where you are." I believe in betting for two reasons: build a pot or win a pot. I'm not on a draw, so I don't want to build a pot. I don't think Shane would call there without a nice hand. I'm no longer sure I'm ahead. As I think about it, I'm pretty certain he has a King. And the range is pretty small that he would call pre-flop with: A-K, K-Q, K-J (aka, "The Shane"), K-10 (MAYbe). That's it. He could also easily have pocket 6s. (He doesn't have A-A, K-K, Q-Q, or J-J, because he would have raised pre-flop.) My problem was, if I don't bet then, I give up the hand unless we check it down. If I don't bet HERE, I can't bet on the river unless it's an ace, and I certainly can't CALL. So either resign the hand or bet here. Hell, I may have the best hand. I bet $40.

Shane goes into one of his toughtful, chip-stacking, slight tanks where he gets wide-eyed, thinks about it, and then gives a shrugging-yet-crushing over-the-top bets, going all-in with a $126 stack.

Now, tank time. I consider the above range of hands. This takes some time, because it's amazing how easy it is to not forget about a possible, even LIKELY hand (example, the pocket 6s) when you've been put to the test. That's because emotion is doing everything it can to block reason. Testosterone seeps into your brain.

I mean, you know, FUCK THIS GUY. Who the FUCK does he think HE is? I'm going to let him run me off this hand? No FUCKING way. I FUCKING call, bitch. Whatchoo got? The nuts? What's that?

Those are the bad thoughts. Then, as you power down and try to replay the hand rationally (What did he do preflop? Post flop?) and consider texture (What is his table image? More important, what is MINE?) and HIS emotions (Is he in "double up or go home" mode?), you have to deal with the pressure from the table to hurry up. You start trying to block this out, but that just means you've lost track of your primary tank focus: What does he have, and what should I do? In that order.

It's instructional to break a tank down this way. It's not just about figuring pot odds, implied odds, oddball behavior, etc. It's about fundamentally figuring out, WTF does he have? THEN let those things influence the second order of business: deciding what action to take.

In this case, it was actually pretty simple. Shane knows that, in that position with that raise, I've got a premium hand. He knows that, because I bet that $40, it hit me. Perhaps I was trying to steal with my $10 bet, but not the $40. He knows how strong the smooth call looked. So to figure out what he has, I have to decide what he puts me on. Given the hand so far, he has to assume he's either up against (and probably in bad shape against) K-K or J-J, or up against (and in good shape against) A-K, K-Q or maybe even Q-Q. The latter isn't likely, as he knows I most likely wouldn't bet Q-Q there, cuz I don't get married to high pairs that face an overcard. And would I raise with K-Q pre-flop in that position? Maybe. Not likely, but maybe.

Okay, so he probably knows what I got, or maybe he thinks I've got two pair. But he's not scared of these. Why not? What cards does he have to have where my likely hands wouldn't scare him much? (Sans nuts, there's always SOME fear.) And, once you determine those, then you can see if they fit into the texture of the hand so far. As I said before, not many. K-Q, 6-6. Maybe A-K or K-J.

So, given that range of hands, I've got one chance of winning: if he has The Shane. Then, as my tank is starting to annoy Todd, I remember that he said, post flop, something about having "the sort of hand you'd put me on." Of course that's K-J. Why would he say that? Because, if I DID have A-k as he suspected (which I did), that's what he'd want me to put him on.

That's where the emotion kicks in. You start to say to yourself, as I did, the following:

Fuck it, I won't be able to take it if I fold here and he turns over K-J. Everyone will start yelling and macking fun of me. "He bluffed you with the Shane! Fear the Shane!" I'm not going to let that happen. I'd rather lose my stack.

After a few cocktails, some playful bitching at each other, and a lifetime of wrapping up your ego into competitive outcomes, it's this sort of rationale that makes you do things you IMMEDIATELY regret, like Ron Burgundy jumping into the bear pit to save Veronica Corningstone. And once it's over, and they turn over the winner, which your rational mind KNEW he had, you feel like an idiot. A broke, re-buying idiot.

This is why the tank is so important. Get into the Zen state. Free your mind, Neo. Listen to logic. Don't be a pussy, but don't think every laydown MAKES you a pussy.

I layed it down. Shane said he had K-Q and I believe him. Even if he didn't (Todd put him on pocket 6s), even if he had 2-3, I made the right play. Thanks to the tank.

Kid Poker Not Happy

As TBR told you, the 2006 WSOP schedule was released this week. Daniel Negreanu isn't too happy about it. Here are his thoughts from his blog at Full Contact Poker.

"After the complaints the floor people received this year, I was all but certain the World Series of Poker would bring back the mixed game event and make sure to protect the integrity of the event by maintaining a wide variety of games. Screwed! That's how I felt when I saw the schedule. The World Series of Poker is an inappropriate title for this mockery. The World Series of Hold'em, sure, but how dare they call this the World Series of Poker when they've eliminated most of the other tournaments in favor of even more hold'em events.It's not about the poker anymore, it's all about the bottom line apparently. Not only was there no mixed game event,, but get this, there is precisely ONE stud hi-lo event with a... I can't take it... with a.... with a.... $1000 buy in! My goodness, how shameful!Not to mention the fact that if you want to play in the $3000 Omaha H/L event, it happens to run two hours after the $3000 limit hold'em event. The tournaments that used to get their own day, multiple days in fact, are reduced to being "after thoughts."I can't tell you how upset I am with the mockery that has become of the schedule. No longer is the WSOP about the poker, about protecting the integrity of the game, or about giving the players what they want. Nope, it's all about the bottom line. *Sigh* It just infuriates me and I know I'm not alone. The best players in the world play in the biggest mixed games in the world:Hold'emStudOmaha H/LStud H/LRazz2-7 Triple DrawLimit OmahaPot Limit OmahaNo Limit Hold'em2-7 NL Single DrawThese are the games that the world's best enjoy playing, but the WSOP has decided that these players know nothing about what poker is all about. Poker is Hold'em to them, and nothing more.Poker is dying. Not hold'em of course, but poker as we once knew it is becoming extinct because the people in control aren't interested in helping poker flourish, they have a bottom line to think about that takes precedence over all else. I have no idea who is at fault so I won’t place blame. I’d sure like to know, though, who- who exactly is making these decisions? I don't even know what else to say. I am so disappointed and I don't know what else to do other then to vent my frustrations. I love poker, and "non-poker playing" suits are killing the game I love."

2005 WSOP Main Even Trip Report: Day 3, Part 2

When the Farha table was broken, it was still during (or right around the end of) the first level of day 3. They had added almost an hour onto that level because of the hand-for-hand action.

My new table was destined to be fierce. I drew seat 3 which gave me a good view of all the action. Olga Varkonyi was in seat 1, sitting on around 300k in chips. In Seat 2 was Sarah Bilney, a delightful Brit who was already garnering attention from the ESPN camerass for being (along with Olga) among the few remaining women. In seat four was a guy by the name of Alan Colon. He finished 8th in the 2004 US Poker championship at the Taj. He was an older, nice fellow, but somewhat talky. In seat 5 was an internet qualifier in his 50s. He was not a strong player. In seat 6 was an unlucky person. Aaron Kantor was in seat 7 with about 400k in chips. Seat 8 was about to be Kantor’s best friend. Seat 9 was an older pro named Robert something. He looked familiar and appeared to be very tired.

The new table was right on the rail, and the spectators were, literally, right behind me and Bilney. It was extremely unnerving, loud and awesome, all at the same time. Standing front and center were Robert Varkonyi and his Coach (from Day 2), sweating Olga’s action. (note: after seeing ESPN’s coverage of Olga on Day 1, I suspected I might be visible when they show Robert sweating her on Day 3. I assumed that the timid-looking, short-stacked player with the blue hat on backwards is me. What I did not assume is that this player would also appear to be severely in need of sunlighe any 78 pounds overweight. Also, the only time you see my stack, it actually looks pretty good! T.V. is so fake.)

When I sat down, I think we were at the $18k and change payout level, moving up to $21k in the next few bust-outs. Believe me, with around 45k in chips and blinds at 1200-2400 with a 400 ante, I was ACUTELY aware of the pay-out structure. With 6000k in dead money out there to start each hand, I had to move and move fast.

Almost immediately, the player in seat 8 re-raised Kantor all in for his last 80k or so. Kantor called instantly and tabled aces. Seat 8 sheepishly showed JTo which didn’t improve, and the rich got richer. “Wow,” I thought, “Can’t love to get your money in that way. I certainly don’t want to do something THAT stupid.” (read: foreshadowing).

Within the next orbit, I got involved in my first hand. Colon, sitting UTG, made it 8,000 to go. It was called by Olga in the cutoff and Bilney in Seat 2. I was down to around 42K after posting the BB, and 5,600 represented a significant chunk of my stack. But getting nearly 5-1 on my money, any two would have to do, and I reluctantly made the call with 3-5 of diamonds. The flop came down King high with two diamonds, and I knew my time had come. Bilney and I checked, Colon led out for 10,000, Olga called, Bilney folded and I moved in for around 28k more figuring I wasn’t going to find a much better spot.

Colon reluctantly folded what he said was KJ and Olga called immediately with KQo declaring that I was on a flush draw. The 4 of diamonds rolled off on turn, and suddenly I had 115,000 in chips. At least 20 people groaned behind me, and I apologized to Olga. “I can afford it,” she said with a smile. She is an extremely aggressive player, perhaps to a fault, but she is definitely someone to be feared with a big stack. I will not be surprised to see her deep in another big tournament.

A few hands later, the blinds moved to 1500-3000 with a $500 ante, and feeling frisky, I open-raised to $10,000 from under the gun with JTs. Kantor made it 40,000 to go, and I had to fold. Back to meek, passive play.

About this time, Colon lost a huge pot to the internet qualifier in seat 5 holding KT to his AT on a flop of T-T-x. That gave seat 5 around 250,000 in chips which he proceeded to hemmorage almost immediately. This perturbed Colon who made more than one reference aloud to the distribution of “his chips” amongst the rest of us.

Olga busted seat 6 (Mr. Unlucky) on the first of three brutal suckouts involving her. He had AQ and raised pre-flop. She called. Flop came A-J-x. He checked, she bet, he raised and she went into the tank. When she came out she moved him in for his last 90k or so. He reluctantly called, and she showed pocket tens! Wow! Blank on the turn, but here came the ten on the river. Olga was now amongst the chip leaders with over 500k in chips. Robert Varkonyi, celebrating wildly at this 200,000 chip suckout actually proclaimed aloud that she “deserved it” while the poor slob in seat 6 was still trying to gather his things. Colon almost went over the rail after him, just on principle.

Shortly thereafter Colon busted, and Burt Rice came to seat 4 with around 400,000 in chips. Olga raised him out pre-flop a couple of times, once moving him all in and showing AKo as he folded. He clearly appeared agitated. Then the second river suckout occurred. Olga made a big call of the new seat 6’s all-in bet with AQ against his A-10. A ten spiked on the river to take a chunk of her stack, dropping her just below 350,000.

On the very next hand, she made it $20,000 to go. (blinds were now at 2k-4k with a $500 ante.) Rice made it 60,000, and Olga IMMEDIATELY moved in. Rice thought about it for about 4 seconds and called with A8 suited!!! Was I seeing that right??!!? Are you kidding me!!!?? Olga had AK, again, but the turn was an 8, and no king came to save her. Just like that, in TWO consecutive hands, Olga went from being among the chip leaders to out. And Burt Rice suddenly had about 7000,000 in chips. And he never even blinked. Go Poker!

Bilney kept accumulating chips getting it all in with KK vs QQ, AA v. KK, etc. left and right. She also got involved in a big pot with Kantor where she got him to fold to an all-in bet on the turn. She was friendly, and we chatted a bit between hands. By this point, she had begun doing interviews for ESPN and was excited by the prospect of being the highest woman finisher. I told her she shouldn’t worry about that and try to win the whole damn thing. This may or may not have been filmed. If they show it, I’m sure I’ll look like an idiot.

Olga’s seat was taken by the Celesty Can Kim Hua and his 400,000 in chips or so. Then Andrew Black came and took seat 8 to Kantor’s left. His unique high-stacking style made me fear him.

After a prolonged drought, I was still hovering around 100K. I had noticed that Robert (in seat 9) had varied his raises and usually bet 4x the BB when he had a real hand, and only 3x the BB when he didn’t. (He was showing every hand that he won without a showdown.) Then from the cutoff, he raised four times the BB, and I really felt like he was strong. It folded to me in the big blind and I found AKo. I was convinced he had aces, kings or queens, and for some reason kings really stood out. After a pretty short think, I folded. He showed me queens as he raked the pot.

In hindsight, this is certainly one of the hands that really haunts me. Yes, I was behind and favored to go broke, and yes I survived to make more than $10,000 more in real money. But as a short stack, I’ve got to be willing to play AK all-in pre-flop there, particularly if I’m facing a cutoff raise to my short-stacked big blind. He could easily be picking on me there. I think I was right on my instincts, and I’m happy about that, but I often wonder what would have happened if I was able to double through there. Even though there were big stacks at my table (and good players), I really felt like I could play with them if I had a few more chips.

A couple of hands later, I found queens. “Booyeah!” I thought, “you’re ‘big laydown’/wimpout is going to be rewarded. You were supposed to go broke there, but now you are going to double through.” Robert open-raised for 3X the BB and I moved in. The internet qualifier in seat 5, who had given away all but $50,000 in chips shrugged, frowned and called with pocket tens. Awesome! I’m going to be sitting on around $170,000 in chips! Here we go! Finally!

Ten on the river, and I’m on life support with exactly $50,000 in chips.

Amazingly, I was able to win the blinds uncontested on the next hand. I don’t even remember what I had, but remember thinking it was absurd that a player with 50,000 in chips could “steal” the 12,500 in dead money. A few hand later Hua, who played very few hands, open-raised on my big blind, and I moved in with 99. After a long think he folded. That was a good feeling.

On the next hand, Robert open-raised 3x the BB and I called with AK suited in clubs. I flopped the nut flush and got him to bet at it on the flop and river, but he failed to bite at my all-in raise on the river. Oh well, that got me back close to 100,000.

At night's end, we were down to 185 players, and I had $88,500 in chips to start day 4.

Day 2 and 3 Coverage

Yes, I am certainly happy that ESPN is doing the WSOP. Yes, it brings tons of appeal, money and donkeys to the "sport." However, I continue to bristle at how little of the actual action they are capturing. The Kondracki/Kim hand (the "Degree All In" Hand of episode 2 last night) is a perfect example. ESPN sees that hand as compelling because it was the biggest pot of the tournament. True enough, and it also feature future final tabler Kondracki raking a huge pot. But sadly, it COMPLETELY MISSES the action in the hand (as I re-told it), which for a poker player, was staggering. (and FYI, Olga's exit was far, FAR more compelling than the cameras captured. I'll set the record straight with my day 3 re-cap later today)

I'm not saying making Steve Dannenman look like a complete asshole doesn't make for good t.v., I just wish they had included more of the hand details when they had a chance. Even if they don't capture the action on film, Norm and Lon could fill the audience in on the action that had occurred by having someone with the camera crew get it from the players at the table. Then, I think, we'd have the best of all worlds.

Two more things:

(1) I may be a pasty, chubby fool, but I didn't see anyone else bold enough to give Olga a one-man standing O.

(2) There's no crying in poker.

2006 WSOP

The new 2006 WSOP schedule has been released. The 44 event schedule will cover almost 7 weeks and feature a (gulp) FOURTEEN DAY main event. Wow, we'll have to do A LOT of drinking.

If you don't like hand histories, don't read this

I played in Poker Stars Bloggers Championship on Sunday and finished in 291st of 1473. I was never much of a factor although I would have been above par had I won the hand that crippled me. I think I was a favorite. You decide. I'm Clinkscale.

PokerStars Game #2875584869: Tournament #13081516, Hold'em No Limit - Level VIII (200/400) - 2005/10/23 - 18:01:18 (ET) Table '13081516 15' Seat #3 is the button Seat 1: psufan2828 (3385 in chips) Seat 2: Clinkscale (3565 in chips) Seat 3: asheresque (3355 in chips) Seat 4: Th@tGood (8170 in chips) Seat 5: MrParx (8964 in chips) Seat 6: davee3283 (3170 in chips) Seat 7: sparkyr (7020 in chips) Seat 8: albedoa (2520 in chips) Seat 9: mrsamweb (10395 in chips)
psufan2828: posts the ante 25
Clinkscale: posts the ante 25
asheresque: posts the ante 25
Th@tGood: posts the ante 25
MrParx: posts the ante 25
davee3283: posts the ante 25
sparkyr: posts the ante 25
albedoa: posts the ante 25
mrsamweb: posts the ante 25
Th@tGood: posts small blind 200
MrParx: posts big blind 400
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Clinkscale [8h 8d]
davee3283: calls 400
sparkyr: folds
albedoa: folds
mrsamweb: folds
psufan2828: folds
Clinkscale: raises 3140 to 3540 and is all-in
asheresque: folds
Th@tGood: folds
MrParx: folds
davee3283: calls 2745 and is all-in
*** FLOP *** [2c Kc 6d]
davee3283 said, "damn"
*** TURN *** [2c Kc 6d] [5c]
*** RIVER *** [2c Kc 6d 5c] [Tc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
davee3283: shows [7c 7d] (a flush, King high)
Clinkscale: shows [8h 8d] (a pair of Eights)
davee3283 collected 7115 from pot
albedoa said, "wow"
sparkyr said, "whoa!"

Donkey's Rule

Minh Ly defeats Dan Harrington to win the Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship when his Jc-3h beats Dan's Ah-5c and a 3 comes on the flop. This just proves that Celeste could win a big tournament since that is all that he plays.

Dan, Daaannnn, DAAAAANNNN....

... just saw this hot off the wire of the "pokery headlines." Please take note. You might want to cross babysitting off your list of odd jobs.

$1,060,000 to the winner

They're down to the final 6 at the Doyle Brunson Championship at Bellagio. TBR man crush, Gavin Smith is 3rd in chips behind Dan Harrington and Mihn Ly. Three lesser known players, including 2005 WSOP bracelet winner Jan Sorensen make up the rest of the final table.

I know everyone has their own favorite Minh Ly story. Here's one I like from Pauly via The Poker Prof's blog a couple days after the WSOP Main Event, where he finished 19th....

I chatted with Minh Ly in the Sports Book while I kept my eye on the Yankees score. He was upset with Mike Matusow. "He's not a gentleman," he repeated several times during our conversation. Supposedly, Matusow was talking tons of smack with Minh during the Main Event. On Monday night, Matusow arrived at the Bellagio to cash his $1M WSOP check. Minh was playing $4K/$8K at the time. Matusow wouldn't stop talking and said he'd play Minh for a $1 million heads-up freeze out. Minh took him up on his offer and left to secure the money. When Minh came back 20 minutes later with a sufficient bankroll, Matusow bailed on him. "He's afraid to play me," Minh added. Mike Matusow is good, but Minh Ly would out play him for sure. Minh plays in the "big game" with Doyle and Chip Reese. He's one of the last guys I'd want to play heads up, especially for $1M.

Go Poker

A couple Batface friends have just been eliminated from the 2005 Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship at Bellagio. Dallasite Rodeen Talebi was eliminated in 35th place ($17,245) moments after Jim McManus went out in 37th place ($17,245). McManus also placed in two of the earlier events including taking home almost $41,000 for finishing 4th. No word if all his competitors "respected the game".

Let's go, Gavin!

My idol, Gavin Smith, is the chipleader through the second day of the Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship. Check out the final 39, a veritable who's who of poker elite. Sadly, Danny N. busted with a lower straight (losing to the Bone, in fact).

New Freezealand?

In case you missed this one on the handy batface poker wire- hot New Zealand chicks now have poker addictions. Why? "A large number of pathological female gamblers were lonely women in their 30s who went to bars looking for company but ended up addicted to poker machines." Just want to make sure I have this right- girls are out "desperately wanting company", can't get it, so settle for poker flavored donkeying. strange.

Tuesday Night at the WSOP

If you watched the WSOP coverage last night, you met Barry Paskin. He's the crazy-haired, Beckham jersey wearing Brit whose self-promoting, yet entertaining, antics were showcased last night. If you watched closely, you can see a fat guy in a gay, yellow shirt behind Barry when he was all-in with aces. The fat guy is me.
If you were close to Barry at any time during the two days he played, this story will not surprise you.

The Genius of Pauly

Today I'd planned on doing a preview for tonight's Day 1A and 2 coverage on ESPN. Then I ran across Pauly's poker blog and realized it couldn't go overlooked. Though I've never met him, it seems like Pauly is a lot like Dan, except he's responsible and hard-working.

Look for a lot of Marcel tonight during the first hour. Go poker.

Late-Night Batface Fest

Quick report on the post-Medici action. (At which Batface Robert Wilonsky came in 3rd, which was awesome, and couldn't enjoy it at the table because MC Phil Helmuth kept mispronouncing his name and didn't remember being interviewed by him, which was beyond awesome. Posts on this TK from other Batfaces and on Pokerati, where I'm sure it will be mentioned that I won a single table tourney for an iPod Shuffle.)

We decided to go to Dan Michalski's crib for after-hours action. I get to Dan's at 11:30. His roomie, Sang, is playing PlayStation NCAA '06 while simultaneously watching Southpark. He looks very confused when he answers the door. I tell him folks are coming over for a quick tourney. He pours me bourbon over ice and asks me to please take the WSOP PlayStation game home, so he and Dan can be "somewhat productive" again.

Zach and Dan B. arrive. Dan B. proclaims himself "very scotchy." Zach steels himself for hours of embarrassment. Tim arrives with Clonie Gowen, who looks great as always. Tim is very drunk and assholey. Clonie walks around the house and looks quite stunned at its incompleteness. She says she's starving and looks even more horrified to find there is not one thing resembling edible foodstuff in the house. She begs us to order a pizza, which we do. (Sang runs to the door when he arrives and refuses to let anyone pay a dollar.)

We'd decided to play a cash game. Pat, the guy who makes the supersweet poker tables (really nice guy) shows up to play, too. We run .50-1 NL. Everyone buys in for a hundy, I buy in for 60. First hand, Dan raises to 4, tim raises to 15, I go all in, everyone folds to Tim, who says F-you and calls with A-10 off. I have JJ. Flop comes J-2-2. I am in, as they say, a commanding position. Runner-runner aces do not come, and I now sit on my stack for two hours as Tim goes $200 down an then $250 up playing insane. (I only get in one hand with him, calling him down with third pair for the winner.) Dan and Sang re-raise each other all-in every third hand. Pat looks horrified, Clonie looks ... she looks SAD. Tim spends the last hour asking Clonie how hard she likes it, does she like it hard, does she want to be raped, declaring his horniness for her, telling her to eat a fucking twinkie, telling her he's a better card player than she is, smirking the entire time. I was sober and sick of him by 11:38. We played until 2 and I pulled a Todd, cashing immediately and walking out the door.

Dan was also just out of control. He hit on Clonie every chance he got. When she said she was tired, he OF COURSE said, "Well, you can stay here for the night," complete with lurid grin. I mean, he's such a stray dog with a pink boner, you wanna call animal control.

Dan B. was so drunk it was silly. K-8, he raises $50 into an unraised pot. He knocked his drink over twice in 18 seconds. Zach was exasperated at trying to be his dad's father. EVERY time it was Dan's turn, Dan would START to say "What is it to me?" or "What's happening?" and Zach would just yell, "Put a blue chip in, DAD!" That part was actually funny.

Oh, and when Clonie stood up and leaned over to sweep a pot, Dan B. slapped her on the ass. When she left she proclaimed me least creepy guy there, which isn't saying much. If she never again talks to us, could you blame her? Go Batfaces!

Two Black Nines (or 7-6 offsuit)....

Last night it was my privilege to play in a no limit tournament as an invited guest of the world's greatest blog, Frontburner, hosted by none other than the Poker Brat himself, Phil Hellmuth, Jr. The tournament was held at Medici, a swank Dallas nightclub a loser like me doesn't have a prayer of getting into unless he's lucky enough to fall ass backwards into a freeroll like this.

Long story short, Hellmuth was Hellmuthian and great (as always), the tournament was a lot of fun (finished 14th out of 100 or so), and our own batface, Robert Wilonsky, finished in the money, taking 3rd place good for 4 hundy. Look for pictures and perhaps some audio from Dan over at pokerati.

Very Shaney

Converstaion overheard at the La Riatta tournament on Saturday night, while standing in the buffet line.

Some guy to Shane: Hey are you the guy that won this tournament last year?
Shane : Yes, I am.
Guy : Cool, did you go play in the World Series?
Shane : Yes
Guy : How was it?
Shane : It was good. I went out to Vegas a couple days before the Main Event started to see what the scene was like. We stayed at Caesars and I played a couple small tournaments at The Palms to get ready for the WSOP. I played on the third day and was very nervous before I started. The previous day had been very relaxing as I went to the movie and to look at sharks. I also tried to get a shave at the barber shop at Mandalay Bay, but they were booked. That sucked. So I get to the Rio and I feel like I'm going to throw up because I'm so nervous. I quickly downed six screwdrivers so I could relax. I didn't recognize any players at my table. I played the first hand and stole the blinds. I stole a couple more blinds early on and started to feel comfortable. I was playing well and realizing that I shouldn't be scared of any of these players. I raised with A7 on the button after it was folded around to me. One person called. I flopped trip sevens but eventually folded because he had flopped a full house. Most people would have gone broke, but I lost the least amount possible, so I felt good about that. There was a guy on my left, who defended his blinds like crazy, often re-raising. I had a great read on him and knew what his game was like. A few hands later I flopped two pair, but laid it down because I put the other guy on a straight flush. It was a great lay down. Most players would have gone broke. I had built my stack to 15000TC and was dealt pocket 9's. I raised and it happen to be Mr Protectors big blind and he re-raised me. I had a great read on him, so I re-raised all-in. he called me in.00073 seconds with KK. I lost most of my chips. I continue to this day to beat myself up over this. I went with my read and it was wrong. I still think I played the hand wonderfully. I talked to some of my poker playing friends about it and they agreed. Marcel said it was a good play on my part. My friend Clonie Gowen, who I'm going to the Cowboy game with tomorrow, also agreed. I double up a couple times and then was dealt QQ. It was raised before me and I went all in. I got called by A8. Can you believe someone called me with A8? Donkey! He hit and Ace on the river and I was busted out. I played great poker and was out of the tournament.
Guy(clearly dazed and beaten): Oh.

Mike Simmons =

Thursday Night Poker

I figured I would beat Todd to the punch so his comments to my "horrible, can't fucking believed you called me" wouldn't be front and center on the main page. Small group of us played at Tulsa's last night in a pretty uneventful night. No obscene, ungodly odors coming from Tim's body, which straight Eric complimented him on instead of just saying thank you. One uncomfortable moment when three players were talking about someone's small penis inadvertantly in front of the host's daughter. Don't worry, she was too busy text messaging to hear what was going on. Receiving updates on Freeze's date from Todd, since Freeze ignored my emails to his Blackberry. I guess the most entertainment by far came from Simmons. Not really sure how to explain how excited everyone was to hear that he has money and is willing to "take a gamble with it".

Back to my bad call on the last hand. I was down just a little when I get dealt 9s3s. Usually I would never call but being the last hand, I figured I would limp in. The flop comes 5s6h8s. Tim is first to call and he bets $10. Straight Eric and Tulsa fold and then Todd bets $75. We played pot limit for the first 3 hours and then NL for the last 2. Need to get rid of PL in our home game. This is where sometimes I play with my gut and not by the book. I didn't have pot odds, however I felt that Tim was going to call since he is notorious for staying in on big pots, and I thought he actually had a hand. Yes, he could have had a higher flush draw than me, but my gut told me he didn't. So with the flush draw and any seven giving me a straight I called. Dickhead Tim folded since he was keeping with his word earlier in the night of "not playing like an ass and blowing all my money in the last hour". Todd proceeded to lecture me on how I can be so stupid to make such a shitty call. Todd flips over a 47 for the small straight, which I think happened 3-4 times last night, him flopping a straight. Even though everyone in the room was convinced a flush would come, it didn't. Todd was very happy and even apologized for the lecture however it was as sincere as a typical Todd comment.

On my long ass drive home I thought about the call and I knew that $75 was way too much to chase a flush. Sometimes your gut can be wrong, especially since Tim folded not giving me any pot odds, but it doesn't hurt to have the other players have no idea what you are going to call. I might be reading too much of Dan's playing.

Danny N's reaction to ESPN's coverage...

Oddly, it's the same reaction Danny M. has to getting killed in a live game. Head to online poker as fast as you can!

At the risk of gaying out on poker (again)...

...I thought the intro to last night's main event coverage was awesome. I was totally fired up. You forget just how much money is at stake, but then to see Johnny Chan talking about how he can't even fathom that much money... wow. Good stuff. I also enjoyed seeing David Feldman (dragging his hands down his face in frustration) as one of the "agony of defeat" shots. David doubled me through at the beginning of day 2.

I only saw the very beginning of Day 1A coverage and the last 20 minutes of Day 1B. A couple of quick thoughts. First, how much better is WSOP coverage when it's not just the feature table? You really pick up on the spectacle of it more when showing outer table coverage (in my view). Second, not that I think it really matters, but there were some clear continuity flaws in just the twenty minutes I saw. For example, Moneymaker's aces get cracked at around 1:30 a.m., during the 6th or 7th level. Then "back to the feature table," where Negreanu is eliminated several hours earlier, during level 3. Oh, and Hellmuth didn't survive day 1. Don't know why they say he did. In any event, none of it really affected the show (or misled the audience regarding hands), and I look forward to next week.

Freeze Warning

The first two hours of WSOP Main Event coverage are over and the only Batface to make the coverage so far is the Freeze, who is there to watch Men "the Master" get knocked out at the end of Day 2. TBR, who also played in Day 2, was at the table next to Moneymaker when his aces were cracked, but didn't make the cameras. No sign of Shane, who played on Day 3, but of course I don't think there were cameras at the aquarium.

Also, Oliver Hudson - hurty.

WPT Enterprises: Looking for the Turn

WPT Enterprises, the parent company to the World Poker Tour, stock price has taken a turn for the worse. On July 8th, they hit their 52 week high of $29.50 after an unsolicited bid to purchase the company apparently from Doyle Brunson drove the stock price higher. Since then, their stock has tilted harder than Shane getting turned down by a hooker in Las Vegas because he's just Shane, closing today at $7.17.

Has the plethora of poker tournaments on every channel made that much of a dent on WPT? One has to wonder.

Columbus Day Poker

What better way to spend Columbus Day than to play poker. Not to go into much detail, since we probably should have been working, most of my predictions from last Wednesday came into fruition. Love Columbus Day.

17...You Motherfuckers

Thinking that my luck couldn't get any worse, I decided to win all my losses back at the $2-$5 NL game at the Mirage. Down $500, I only needed to double up on my buy-in to get back to even.

My luck turned for the better on only the third hand. With 6 limpers in front of me, I raised to $20 with 7-7 and got six (count 'em, 6 callers). With a flop of 7-9-9, I knew I was back on my way to winning big. One player leads out for $15, everyone folds to the player to my right who calls. I call as well. Next card is a 4. The original bettor leads out for $50. Player to my right folds and I raise to $100. The original bettor goes all-in and has me covered. I immediately call and he turns over 9-10, and says, "Great trap there". Naturally, the river is a 10 and I'm down another $500 after less than 6 minutes of play. Fuck me.

Tilting, I buy-in again.

After treading water for two hours, I see K-K in the big blind. With four limpers in front of me, I raise to $25 and get two callers. The flop comes J-J-8. Marginally worried about a jack, I bet $40 to see where I am. One player calls and I'm now concerned. With a 9 on the turn, I lead out for $90, which puts my opponent all-in. I show my kings as he rolls over his pocket tens. The turn is a queen giving him the straight. Double fuck me.

I hang around, with my chip stack vacillating between $190 and $400 for the next five hours. A new player comes to the table at 2:30am and loses five small pots by trying to chase. Shortly, thereafter, I am dealt 6h-7h in the big blind. UTG+1 raises to $15 and three players call. Willing to gamble, I call the extra $10 to see the flop. I'm pleased when the dealer puts 5h-8d-Ah on the board, giving me draws galore. The chaser mentioned above leads out for $20 and I raise to $40. He immediately calls. The turn is Qh giving me my flush. The new guy leads out for $100 and I go all-in for $290 more only slightly worried about the larger flush. He insta-calls turning over Kh-Qs for top pair with a nut-flush draw. As per every other mother-fucking, piece of shit, donkey-assed, michalski-esque, thum-o-matic, celeste-ian hand I've played on this fucking trip, the 2 of hearts comes on the river and I'm out of chips again.

Steaming, I head for the door only to see an Asian bastard who sucked out on me three times last night. He nods to me as if to acknowledge my presence, and I spew "fuck you, donkey boy." He silently glares at me while I shoot him the finger.

So let's recap:

Hands in the last four sessions I've lost on the turn or the river after leading post flop by a substantial margin: 17

Hands I've won during the same duration with a card on the turn or river: 1 (nut flush on the turn while holding top pair... I was a 2-to-1 dog).

People I've murdered in the last 45 minutes: 3

People I plan to murder when I get back to Dallas: 4

14

Fuck Thum. Fuck Rogers. Fuck Dan. Fuck everyone at the Mirage. Oh yeah, and fuck humanity in general.

Everyone has bad beat stories, and no one likes hearing about them, especially when Thum is writing them. Not that Thum isn’t a great writer. On second thought, I take it back. Reading Thum’s posts is akin to reading the owner’s manual for my Chevrolet Tahoe, all the while waiting for a plot twist or a secret revelation…or anything! For fuck’s sake Thum, how about little color or some humor.?!? Maybe even an entertaining anecdote? I would even settle for an acceptable subject followed by a predicate.

Anyway, in three sessions of poker, I’ve walked into 14 (count ‘em, 14!) hands where I was AT LEAST a 4-to-1 favorite to win the pot post-flop, only to lose to some jack-ass who hit a miracle card on the turn or the river. And it’s not like I was slow-playing these hands either. In each instance, some douchebag had to call not one, but two substantial bets with a shit hand.

Dan calls this a “value bet.” Then again, Dan makes his living at a tit bar. Oh, well.

So, to all of you who are enjoying my money right now, please allow me to tell you how much I enjoyed playing with you. Also, let me offer my sincerest wishes that the coroner finds your mother dead in her bedroom closet as a result of an incident of inflagrante delicto gone awry with her neighbor’s German Shepherd.

And, to all my ex-girlfriends who claimed I was lousy in the sack, you were right…but fuck you, too.

We [HEART] Math Dorks

Thomas Schelling, the father of modern game theory, co-won the Nobel Prize today. Does that mean he's a badass Hold 'Em player? Not necessarily, even though (as this paper shows, in .pdf form) game theorists like Chris Ferguson are just that. One way you can learn about how this is applied to board and card games is to download this program here (free trial version available) from the good Canadians at The University of Alberta's Computer Poker Research Group. Perhaps then Thum will understand why I raise with 2-4 suited UTG.

The Hardest Working Man in Poker

Last week, Men "the Master" played 5 days of great poker to finish 4th in the United States Poker Championship Main Event in Atlantic City. He was eliminated around 4:30 PM on Saturday afternoon. He took home $130,950 for the finish. How did he celebrate? He hauled ass to Vegas and played in Sunday's $1500 event in the Festa del Lago at Bellagio, where he finished 14th and won $3600. Impressive.

Online Articles: Maybe The Sky IS Falling on Poker

"Our biggest challenge thus far is getting the average poker player to realize that there is a real and growing threat to the game." Yeow. Possible ouchies for poker.

Take Me to the River

Not sure how to describe our game last night except for, I got killed. I tried to evaluate my play, which I'm sure Todd will chime in about it later, but I really feel like I played well. Didn't stay in many hands but when I did I would get rivered or run into a 35o or 46o and their straight would hit on the turn. My fellow players know I'm not one to complain about the river especially since the phrase "You got Thummed" is named after yours truly. You know you are having a rough night when Todd says to me after my fifth buy in, "You just need to walk away."

When I showed up, Shane had his computer on the table while we played. Now I'm not sure if he learned that from the professional players at WSOP, but it was a little strange. After waiting an hour for him to order the pizza online, I guess his phone was out, we decided to play Omaha a few rounds, which I loved. Tim, Todd, Dan were the big winners. Other than me, Troy, Adam, and Shane's boss were the other considerable losers. Todd played one of his best rounds in my opinion. He might be moving to Omaha soon based on his success there. It wasn't the same without Randy there, but in a way it was a lot quieter. Tim's flatulence was so bad that he sent an email apologizing for it this morning.

Looking forward to our break the fast game next Thursday. Hopefully, after repenting all Thursday morning at services, my luck will change. Just hate the fact that Dan had my number all night.

Home Game

Playing in my first home game since being asked to join this wonderful blog. Once I figure out how to upload images like Shane does on every other word in his posts, my blogs should be more enjoyable. I will be reporting back tomorrow on how much I won, who Todd pissed off and what time he stormed out the door, how many times Tulsa imitated Robert, how much Tim loses, and all the other colorful occurrences that happen at the game.

Batfaces Everywhere

I subscribe to All In Magazine. I don't recommend it. I think Card Player is much better. I've been a subscriber to All In since its inception several years ago and I've received the monthly magazine like 10 times. Our friend Dan was the original editor and he left the gig because they were unorganized and unprofessional. If you know Dan, you'd find that ironic. Anyway, the most recent issue has a WSOP Main Event report by WSOP rookie and Hollywood producer, David Friendly. In the story, there is a picture of Friendly at dinner with Johnny Chan, Chris Ferguson, Marcel Luske, Russ Hamilton, Clonie Gowen, Ferguson's girl friend, Luske's publicist, All In's Publisher and our own Batface, Shane Keller. We guess Clonie invited Shane to dinner, assuming he'd realize she was just trying to be nice and he'd say no. We should have warned her, this is the exact way he became a regular in our home game. Of course, Shane said yes and there he is in the picture. Clearly, it would make sense for me to link to the picture on All In's website, but content on their site is at least two issues behind.

Setting the record straight: Charity poker tournaments ARE ILLEGAL in Texas

There has been much ado regarding the legality of "charity" poker tournaments in Texas over the past several months. I've grown weary of reading everyone's "interpretation" of Texas Penal law on the subject, so let me attempt to set the record straight. It is CRYSTAL CLEAR that the Texas Attorney General's office views such tournaments as illegal. Though not a completely dispositive interpretation on the law as written, the AG's opinions have historically provided law enforcement with the guidance to enforce the criminal law. And the bottom line on the AG's view is this: if you pay money (or any other consideration) to enter any poker tournament where any type of prize is awarded, you are breaking the law. Period. End of ball game, go home.

Oh, but that's only dealing with the "holder of an on-premises alcoholic beverage permit" you might say, and you'd be right and wrong. Right in that the AG's opinion dealt specifically with that question. Wrong in that its well-thought-out-if-wrongly-concluded opinion does not hinge on the alcoholic beverage permit. That aspect of it merely allows the TABC to enforce the violation. It's still a violation of the Texas Penal Code regardless of whether TABC (or your local law enforcement) has the authority to shut you down and/or throw you in the can.

The Origin of Tulsa

Eric Celeste is known in the poker circles as Tulsa. There has been much speculation and debate about the origin of this nickname. The truth is that Eric is from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I hope that helps.

I Will Probably Win

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 9884274

Also Missed Out on a Free Trip

I played in a $50 Freezeout hosted by the guys who run The United Room yesterday afternoon. The top three finishers received trips and buy-ins to WSOP Curcuit Events, 4th place won a trip to Orlando and 5th place won a TV. As soon as I arrived, I realized the $50 buy-in was really $80. $50 bought you 3000 in chips. The additional $30 got you another 5000 in chips. Because of a small turnout it was decided that it would be a re-buy tournament as well for the first 90 minutes. After that, I guess they still hadn't raised the money that they wanted, so they decided there would be an add-on as well. They also decided not to give away the Orlando trip or the TV. I didn't rebuy or add on and I didn't win anything, busting out in 11th when my AQ lost to 66, in what I was told was not a race (a story for another time). I offer a couple of suggestions for people who run tournaments. Run the tournament as you advertise it. If you need to make contingencies based on the number of entrants, make that clear on your advertisements and website. Also, while I trust guys who run illegal card rooms as much as the next guy, I don't think chips should be left out on tables to easily be swiped by anyone. Also, allowing your friends to go get their own rebuy chips is a little fishy as well. As you can tell, I left the tournament questioning the credibility of the event. I will say that the tournament allowed for a lot of good play for the first couple of hours and it appeared that every deck had 52 cards.