Top 10 Batface Achievements/Moments of 2005

10. Home Game Extremes - Lots of people laugh at our $.50/$1.00, $60 buy-in game, but first-time player Charlie and perpetual table captain Thum each had $700+ nights while Darling took home top honors for the year with his $1000 night at RC this summer. There'd be no need to tell you who the biggest loser was if hadn't been Champagne Randy who lost $....a lot a couple weeks ago at Shane's.
**Tulsa obliterated the most lost mark last night in the last game of the year.

9. Austin Pete rarely plays in the home game. Austin Pete rarely blogs on this site. In fact, most of us never hear from Austin Pete unless he wins big playing cards. Anyway, he told me to remind you of his $13k cash on Party Poker for finishing 3rd of 705 in a $215 tourney. He also wanted me to tell you how he fought back from a short-stacked, but do we really care? Nice job, Pete.

8. In the last year, Tulsa has had 5 or 6 jobs. One of them was as editor for American Way. While he was there, he somehow convinced them that he should write a story about our drinky, pokery trip to Tunica and the World Poker Open, which I did not win. Here is that article.

7. Sure it was only a $200 buy-in and sure 8th place only paid $900+, but it was a WSOP Circuit Event and it was Dan who finished in the money. In November, Gonz and Dan ventured to Paris in Vegas for some tournament action. Gonz proved that moving away from the batfaces has hurt his game. Dan proved that the only chance he has of winning is leaving the state.

6. Poker blogs are a dime a dozen. A few of us broke away from the mother ship this fall to start thebatfaces.com. It was TBR’s idea, but Guns made it happen and apparently quit his job to devote himself to the site. In 2006 you should expect more trip reports, poker news, home game talk and Thum babble.

5. The Batface Egg Roll may have been invented in 2004, but it was perfected in 2005. Ericceleste.com was a hit; someone may or may not have top-shelfed Shane; Sang helped convince us that Dan was and wasn't cheating the home game, but there's no doubt that the Batface Eggroller of the year is Guns. How could anyone compete with his brother's muder in Matamoros and testicular cancer in one year? Well done Matt, well done.

4. I hate to admit it, but Tulsa is the 2005 home game schlogger champion. It helps that he flops two pair 78% of the hands he plays. It also helps that certain players (Darling, Dan, Adam, Fawcett) insist on paying him off. The 2006 schlogger will include all Batfaces and will be updated monthly on this site. You can not hide. I have a very slim lead on TBR for 2nd with a few days left in the year.
** Awaiting final schlogger. It could be close.

3. The night Comstock won.

2. We all give Dan lots of crap, but the biggest coup of 2005 was Pokerati correspondents Gentle Shane and Tiny B having press passes to the WSOP. We played in the Media/Celebrity event (I played at a table with Shannon Elizabeth and Nicole Ritchie (yuck)) and we had all access to the floor and the media lounge. I don’t know how to explain it, but watching the Main Event from behind the ropes without a pass looked like it really sucked. I was able to sweat TBR’s play for more than 38 hours and watch him play 7 hands. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Freeze, Fawcett and TBR Senior were able to benefit as well.

1. I don’t know if you heard, but TBR finished 178th in this year’s WSOP Main Event. If you missed out on this, TBR made it possible for you to read about it here and here and here and here and here. If you don’t have the energy, here is a quick overview of the four days. He got hammered, he was lucky and unlucky, he played tight, he got hammered, he played with Gavin Smith, JC Tran and Sammy Farha, all while wearing a goofy hat that said Walter. He was eliminated when he misplayed Kings early on his 4th day of play. The pay day of $39k was split among most of his family and the rest has been passed out to various Batfaces over the last month. All in all it was a very impressive feat, except for this which was gay.

Still the Same Old Me...

On a recent trip to Las vegas to hang out with a few clients, I experienced the highs and lows (well, mostly the lows) of Sin City. Got the trip rolling with a visit to my favorite dining spot in Las Vegas. If you haven't been before, you HAVE to go. Seriously, the lamb burger is the bomb. And for those of you courageous enough to go balls out, I suggest you follow the lead of my client's entourage and try the lamb burger topped with a fried egg and brown gravy. Awesome!

My clients were horny for some low-stakes blackjack action so we headed to the Barbary Coast. Two words: Shit-hole. Then again, perhaps my memories of said establishment are clouded by the fact that I didn't win two hands in a row through 4 shoes. Without altering my betting patters from small multiples of $5 increments, I managed to lose a cool $300...Which is hard to do. I was utilizing a system taught to me by a wise sage, and normally this system kicks ass. I've won about 70 percent of my sessions using the system. Shoot me an e-mail and I might share the secret with you.

So, having had my fill of the Barbary Coast I went back to my hotel planning to go to bed. Of course, the route to my room took me right past the poker room and , of course, there was an open seat. To say that the $1-$2 NL game at Paris is soft would be a gross understatement. There were raises, re-raises, horrible bluffs and idiotic showdowns. Imagine sitting at a table with nine Michalski's and you'll get the gist. Most importantly, it is the kind of game where you can have a monster hand (even represent that you have a monster hand) and still get people to raise into you. Case in point, I was dealt KhQh on my third hand. UTG, an inebriated meathead from Chi-CAH-go, raised to $10 and five (!) players called in front of me. I called the raise. The flop came 3-7-9 all-hearts giving me the next-to-nuts. Meathead bet $30 and got one caller in front of me. I raised to $60. The Meathead called and the third player folded. The turn was a blank and the betting continued with his bet of $30, my raise to $60 and his call. The final card was a blank and Meat checked. I led out for $30 and Meat said call but placed $60 on the table. I asked him if he meant to raise and he stammered, "I guess I did." I then came over the top for another $100. Meat asked if I was "playin' the hearts." Truthfully, I said, "Yeah...in fact, I've got the next-to-nuts." He responded with, "den' I gotta call" and for a moment I felt my blood turn cold, thinking he had the Ace-high flush. I rolled my cards and he turned over 9-10 for top pair. All he could muster was, "Ouch!"

The next orbit, I went at it with the guy to my right. Meathead and his less than demure female companion kept calling him "Texas." When I mentioned I was from Texas as well, the sausage guzzler became extremely confused. For the remainder of the evening, she kept referring to me as "Kansas". Anyway, in late position, I re-raised a $25 raise by Texas with pocket Kings. Texas called. I had to double take when the flop came K-2-2. Texas led out for $50. I figured him for AK and guessed he would call a min raise. So, I came over the top for another $50 and he moved all in. I couldn't shove my chips into the pot fast enough and he turned over Qc-10c. Are you kidding me? The turn put a second club on the board and Texas drunkenly pointed at the table screaming "Oooooohhhhh, here comes my flush!" I replied, "That would be a big second place hand." At this point he realized that his flush draw was a dominant underdog to my full house and he quietly left the table. The Sausage Queen barked,"Ooooooohhhh! The guy from Kansas beats Texas!" When I reminded her that I too was from the Lone Star State, she replied, "I gotta pee!" Awesome.

Of course, all was not golden. Twenty minutes later, I limped into a pot with Ks-9s. With a flop of K-9-6 rainbow, the BB (a Lebanese mush mouth) led out for $20. I raised to $40 and he called. The turn was a harmless deuce. This time he led out for $50. Now, marginally concerned about a set, I raised to $100. He reluctantly called. The river was another 6 and mush mouth mumbled "I go...All...in" and threw his last $60 into the pot. I still figured myself for best hand as I showed him top two pair. He turns over 6-4, proudly proclaiming, "I have set. Three seex." Indeed, as a 19-to-1 underdog, his blessed jihad was rewarded with a miracle card. So, after losing a nice chunk of my stack to "three seex", I cashed out and went to bed...Up $350 at the poker table and up $50 overall.

Interesting sidenote: Meathead and Sausage Queen had been verbally sparring with a kid who looked like a Green Day refugee. Meathead and Green Day had been betting recklessly into each other and their showdowns looked like something from the Gus Hansen Family Christmas $1 tournament. Sausage Queen wasn't even playing. She was just shoving Coronas down her gullet with the dainty aplomb of a crack whore. Still, she and Meathead jabbed at Green Day calling him "Ducky" (due to his mullet) or "Ugly Guy." Green Day responded with less friendly taunts like "Fag" and "Slut." As I would later find out, about an hour after I left the table, Meathead went to the bathroom. Green Day left the table a few seconds later, went to the restroom and punched Meathead. Somehow, the Sausage Queen joined the fracas and they were all escorted off the premises. Sweet!

The next day, I decided to try my hand at some tournament play. I went over the Wynn to enter a $120 satellite for the $500 buy-in event at noon. I played solid and tight and held my own. In third place, with five players left, I moved all-in with AK in an attempt to steal the blinds and a weak-looking call. The short-stacked BB, a nice gentleman from Lubbock, called me with A4, caught his 4 on the turn and I was crippled. I moved all-in shortly thereafter with QQ, only to lose to A-10. I finished fourth, but was pleased with my play.

So, I skipped over to the Bellagio to play in a $240 satellite, hoping to win a $1000 buy-in at the big Friday night tournament. I was fortunate to make the next-to-last satellite before the event started and played extremely well. I was short-stacked for the duration, but never shoved in my chips recklessly. With four players left, I moved all-in with pocket 7s against a meek raise by a player who had been loose and overly aggressive. Surprisingly, he called with J9. My hand held up and I was in second chip position. Under the gun, I moved all-in with Ah9h against the short stack on the big blind. With no choice but to call, he turned over 9-4. My hand held up and I felt the momentum turning my way. I had qualified via satellite for a big event. Wheeeeee!

As for the event, the field was awesome. Amir Vahedi, Freddie Deeb, Minh Ly, T.J. Cloutier and a host of other well knowns were in the field. I took my seat and saw none other than Mel Judah sitting three positions to my left. As play started I had planned to be super, super, super tight. As I sat there playing nothing, Mel ran over the table. He won five of the first seven hands with flopped sets, straights, two pair flops that became the nut straight, etc. He was a force. Incidentally, the way he handles his chips is fascinating. Whenever he is the first into a pot, or whenever he raises, he counts out the chips for his action, plus another set amount which he keeps in his hand. On the next round of betting, the chips still in his hand are his next bet. Completely interesting to see that he is always thinking about his next bet, even when faced with a betting decision.

Anyway, I sat there for three orbits without playing a hand. I still had over $4700 of my original $5000 (three round through the blinds). With blinds still at $25-50, the player to my right raised to $150 under the gun. I looked at my cards to see pocket queens. Not wanting to screw around, I raised to $450. Everyone else folded except the original raiser who called. At this point, I pegged him for a smaller pair or AK. The flop was A-x-x with two clubs. When he checked, mildly concerned about a check raise, I represented strength with another bet of $450. He immediately called. The turn was the beautiful Queen of hearts giving me a powerful set. Again, my opponent checked. I led out for $1200 and my opponent re-raised to $2400. Since a mere call would force me to call on the river as well, I went all-in. When my opponent went in the tank, I knew I was ahead in a big, big way and I was already congratulating myself on taking the chip lead at my table. Reluctantly, my opponent called and said, "Good play. You got me. I have nothing." I began to feel euphoric has he turned over QcJc. Huh? He called me and re-raised me with second pair and a flush draw? All I needed to do now was survive a 4-to-1 draw and I was healthy.

You guessed it, the river was a stinking club and it didn't pair the board. Fuck me. While the rest of the table groaned, I composed myself, smiled quietly and patted my opponent on the back and congratulated him on his win. Mel Judah nodded to me as if to say "that was a tough one". As I stood up, my emotions got the better of me. With an enormous grin on my face, I looked at the table, gave everyone an enormous double-middle-finger salute and said, "Fuck all you people." Everyone chuckled and I left a lonely, dejected loser.

Still I was in Vegas and my fortune could turn in a minute. I had run roughshod over the cash game at the Paris the night before (save that one stupid suck out). It certainly seemed possible to do it again. Next thing I knew, I was back in another game. True to form, the play was stupid and aggressive. Within two hours, I had turned my $300 buy-in into nearly $900. A few more hands and I was going to cash out. Then it happened.

On the button, this stupid a-hole wearing a sweater even Randy Brown wouldn't be caught dead in, raised to $7. After four players called in front of me, I looked at my hand and AQo. Feeling frisky I called the bet as well. The flop was a haymaker -- 10-J-K rainbow giving me the dominant nuts. Anyone else not holding AQ would need at least a card, if not two to beat me. Inexplicably, with barely over $40 in the pot, Mr. Rogers moved all-in for $600. He had consistently been overplaying big hands, so I knew he had cards. I figured him for a big set,but most likely AQ. I knew I had to call, but I was sure we were holding identical hands. I almost passed out when he turned over AA for top pair only. I had a huge lead in a $1200-plus pot! Even with a King on the turn, I still owned him. Cardigan Boy was drawing to a measly three outs to win, with the remaining three queens giving us the chop. Naturally, the turn was the case ace and that jag-off swept most of my impressive chip stacks.

I fought back valiantly to get back to even that evening, and had it not been for a sweet blackjack session (hello, secret system!) the next day at the Excalibur with my aforementioned clients, Las Vegas would have gotten the best of me.

I left town with one thought: is there anyone who is a better candidate for a bad beat jackpot than me?

Broke, Backed, Countin'

Good column on the ethics of players backing players, some of whom couldn't afford the buy-ins to the major tourneys if they didn't have backing. (Reveals that two players, for example, had a piece of Matusow at the Main Event.)

I have many thoughts on this issue, chief among them being, "Who's backin' me, bitches?!"

Room Report

Played for the first time at TPC last night in their $70 freeze-out, and I must say that reports as to its awesometacity were accurate. Very nice room, game run very well, lotsa TVs, nice waitstaff, minimum number of douchebags. Well, except for us.

The play was pretty straightforward, nothing too out of line, which allowed me to take fourth by simply betting positionally and taking blinds. (The players were a little cally if you used the 3-4 times the BB formula, so I overbet a bit to compensate, and never got a call when I didn't want one.) Only saw one hand to the river before busting out, and that was when I flopped a boat with 3-4s in the BB (unraised pre-flop) and slow-played it.

Gentle Shane suffered a bad beat and took it well. We're down to two tables, blinds at 400-800, and he makes it $2400 to go from mid-position. He gets one caller, the BB, a guy who was pretty loose pre-flop and who seemed to catch just enough of his crying calls to hang around. Anyway, flop comes something like Q-9-blank with two clubs, BB goes all-in for his last $3K, Shane (who is covered) calls and turns over a set of 9s, of course the guy has a flush draw (5-6 clubs), hits it on the turn, board doesn't pair, Shane is out. He sits there a while, his face gets a little red ... you know the drill. After a bit of a rant at the Gods, as well as a none-too-complimentary recounting of the hand ("nice call of the raise with 5-6"), and in addition to a friendly discussion of between just which of the guy's ribs Shane planned to plunge a knife during said guy's ill-advised parking lot foray, Shane screamed "FOOK!" and left. Only to return a short time later, sit next to me, and berate me every time I threw away Q-3o in first position with the exhortation, "C'mon, you pussy!"

Straight E. says he was the second player busted, and I believe him.

Sommer showed up late and played in the cash game. I also had him walk me to my car in case Shane mistook me for 5-6 clubs.

He's Baaaack!

Looks as if Daniel will be back on the WPT Tour.

Much ado about everything?

If you've been following the WPT at all recently (which I assume the 3 or 4 of you that regularly read this blog do), you've noticed the recent "stink" being created by certain Full Tilters regarding the release the WPT forces its participants to sign beforing entering an event. My initial reaction to this was that it was a gross overreaction by very smart people (even smart law people in Andy Bloch's case). I was in Greenstein's camp in this recent article on ESPN.com:

"We were all degenerate gamblers until TV came along,'' Barry Greenstein summarized with a smile, "and now we got made into celebrities and we're complaining to the people who made us marketable and famous that they don't want them to show us anymore without our approval.''

Then I read Negreanu's blog today. At the end (following some rather silly musings regarding the first season of Survivor (?!) and Paula Abdul) he drops what has to be considered a virtual bomb coming from a 2-time WPT winner: "[U]ntil further notice, based on that scary e-mail [from WPT founder Steve Lipscomb], I just don't think I'd be able to play on the WPT." I think it's a "wow" for two reasons. First, obviously, when players like Negreanu start boycotting your tournament (and potentially influencing others to do the same) you've got a problem. And second, less obvious, is the way Danny has, essentially, pulled Lipscomb's pants down in a very public forum. From they way it reads, he's basically saying, "hey man, I trust you and like you and all, but this policy you're trying to perpetuate is patently absurd." Very interesty.

Toot Toot

I don't mean to toot my horn (yes I do), but toot toot. Last night, I attended an underground tourney at a local Austin room. The tourney was small as the room has just gotten started. We had twenty folks paying $70 for the freeze out. Dan and Sweet Texas Jimmy were also playing, though Dan never made it to my table. The long and short of it is that I ended up chopping when I got heads up with an even chip stack. I left after the tournament, but received word that Dan won a lot at the 1-2NL cash game(thus proving how soft the game was and taking away any luster from my tournament vicotry) and that Sweet Texas lost a little. The room runs four days a week, is centrally located and seems like it will do well down here.

New Year's Resolution

I have decided I will, flights and wife willing, play as many tournaments as possible this year. Because of my limited bankroll (read: leftovers from payday), I have tentatively set a sked for 10 or so low-cost tourneys at through March (and later, if it works out well). I will fly up that day and back that eve in most cases. This will not include my desire to start playing jackie’s-type tourneys once a month and such. Nor will it include my probable trip to Vegas with the family the weekend of jan. 28th. (My daughter wants to see the new INXS, and they play Mandalay Bay that weekend. You heard me.)

My tentative sked. If I pull this off, or even half of it, I hope to see you all there:

--Friday, January 6th in LA at the Hollywood Casino. NL multi-rebuy, 100+25
--Thursday, January 19th in LA at the Commerce, NL no-rebuy, 300+30
--Saturday February 4th in LA at the Commerce, NL multi-rebuy, 300+30
--Sunday, February 5th in San Diego at Sycuan Resort/Casino, NL no-rebuy,
110+15
--Monday, February 6th in Tulsa at the Cherokee, NL no-rebuy, 200+30
--Thursday, March 9th in Reno @the Hilton (WPT event), NL no-rebuy, 200+25
--Friday, March 10 in Reno @the Hilton, NL no-rebuy, 300+30
--Saturday and Sunday same event (if thurs and fri go well), NL no-rebuys, 500+50 and 300+30, respectively
--Tuesday, March 29 in Tulsa at the Cherokee, NL
no-rebuy, 100+20.

I invite comments and travel partners.

You like me! You really like me!

When I started reading poker articles, tips, trip reports, etc. on the internet over 5 years ago, a lot of the best players in the world (or about to be) were writing some of the best stuff. With the hyper-inflated poker boom, it seems like even more and more of the better players are writing. Unfortunately, they're often writing about non-poker stuff these days. Does anyone else feel like articles like this (from Mr. Rocks and Rings) , this from one of the better writers, this from one of my favorites and even these from my man-crush kinda..., well, suck? I mean, I realize we're nerds and all, but can you get back to poker and get over how it feels to finally be liked/cool?

School YOU Go To?

There are several reasons the world of publishing disappoints me. I feel as though, too often, there is nothing new or interesting in monthly magazines. The cover formula of putting a known celeb or a whiny brat with a facemask makes me yawn. And there's never enough about the total awesomeness of poker.

Now, ONE new magazine solves all these problems and more! And no, it's not the long-rumored magazine Dan. Ladies and gentlemen, I offer you five awesome things about the fact that Card Player has a college edition:

1. Young hot stud Freddy Deeb is on the cover of the current issue. God, this mag must be scattered across the floors of sorority rooms everywhere.
2. Each issue features a "Card Player College Girl"(Say hello to Katie, pictured above, from the University of Michigan. Go Blue!)
3. It's got a column by Matt Walczak. That's right, boys. Dare to dream. It might come true.
4. It has stories by Card Player interns. They're better than any post Thum has ever typed. Not that this fact will show up on their cover letters.
5. B.J. has a tournament report. Shane, take it from here.

(note: please don't tell me that this is issue number seven...I already know this, but I'm just now getting to this post, like, a year after I first saw the mag. go poker!)

Coming to Your Living Room: The Pokerdome

While I was sitting in Central Jury Room waiting to see if I will be called for jury duty, I picked up the USA Today, or as my business professor at Tulane calls it McNews, there was an interesting article about the boys at Fox Sports creating a new poker series in The Pokerdome. Each player will be in his own "cone" against the other players. The cards will have computer chips so the fans will know what cards are still in the deck. My favorite part will be the speed poker aspect with the players having to make a decision in 15 seconds or they are out of the hand. What a great world that would be if we could get Tulsa to abide by those rules.

The article also mentions that there is a $10 million entry with a winner take all tournament in the works. Wonder if Andy Beal will be involved in that. I would worry about the collusion and split pot aspect.

The King is Dead; Long Live the King

Looking forward to the posts about last night's home game. I will let the more talented writers do their magic describing one crazy night. Be prepared Randy, very prepared.

I'm also hoping that we will be privileged to review the new set of home rules from Mr. Shane.

Go Clonie!

Just a quick post to point out Clonie's recent score. Nice job and go batfaces (or quasi-batfaces).

Shane Wins!... Again!... sort of (not really)

Received an e-mail this morning from Scott Armstrong, who I'm told runs one of the best monthly tournaments in Dallas over at Kowboys:

Congrats go out to all who participated in the Kowboy's $330 event. We had 56 players with a $21,600 purse. Thanks go out to Kowboy's for hosting a fun evening and the cool raffle prizes.
The winners were:
Mark Farrar 1 $4,575
Greg Winslett 2 $4,575
Shane Kelley 3 $3,575
Arnie Block 4 $3,575
Danny McGowan 5 $1,300
Jeff Gibralter 6 $1,300
Shane Keller 7 $1,000
Greg Merkow 8 $800
Curtis 9 $600
Scott Armstrong 10 $300

Not bad considering:
(a) it's freaking SHANE for crying out loud; and
(b) he outlasted Merkow, clearly a pretty good player.

Go Batfaces!...Shane Wins!

Unfortunately, The Rounder Club is now hosting their Monday/Wednesday night $35 tourneys less than a mile from where I live. For the third time in the last two weeks, Shane, Fawcett and I were in attendence, this time joined by Sang and poker celebrity, Dan Michalski. My tournament poker game reminds me of Joey Harrington's quarterbacking or TBR's home game play.....poo. After a couple hours of throwing chips away with bad bluffs and worse calls, I was crippled by my new nemisis (who busted me on Monday with A2 vs. my AJ), when I went all-in with a straight draw, only to be called by her flopped set, which turned quads. I lost the hand. Soon I was out to her again when she hit an inside straight on the river. In the 70 player field, Fawcett, whose over pair lost to runner runner flush, and I finished 30th-40th. Dan just missed the final table while Sang and Shane, who has finally remembered how to play poker after a 6-month hiatus, finshed in the money. Sang was out in 4th, while Shane came in 2nd, only after he and Como had chopped all but $100 of the top two payouts. If you want details on how the final table went down, you'll have to ask someone else, I had been home for a couple hours by then.

Batface shout out

In a post on November 15th, Bob Ciaffone talked about his trip to Dallas in September. I don't think I read about this on a more newsworthy site, but I may be mistaken.

Not a bad Thanksgiving

It looks like Phil Ivey will be able to afford a bigger turkey after winning two tournaments last week. Still think I could take him.

Doing Dallas Proud

Dallas under-ground poker room specialist, Kido Pham defeated a very foreign final table that included Scotty Nguyen, Minh Ly, Joseph Hachem and the always-Celesty JC Tran to win $453K in the $10K WSOP Circuit Event at Paris/Bally's in Vegas. Before you think this is some kind of fluke (like Michalski last week), this is Kido's third top 4 finish in $10K tournaments in the last 13 months. He's also got a hot wife.

Nominations please.

I'm beginning to put together my Batface top 10 lists for 2005. Here's the list from last year. This year, I'll also put together the Batface Top 10 drunkest moments...(Hong Kong Sue in Tunica, "Did you finger her?", Saturday night, etc). I need your suggestions for both lists. E-mail me or leave a comment here.

Confessions of a Poker A-Hole

Last night, I went with a few of my compadres to a local establishment for some low-stakes $35 NL freeze-out tourney action. Even with 80 or more players I saw a half-dozen or more people I knew from various games around town. Still, I was hoping to get seated at a table with complete strangers so I could try my newest goof -- "Mr. New-to-Poker-Guy."

Fortunately I got my wish, and my table was perfect. Three players quickly tried to establish themselves as poker bad-asses. Two others couldn't help but call every bet on the face of the the planet and one old miscreant overplayed a ton of hands and quietly insulted anyone who folded to one of his overbets. Seriously, with TC700 in one pot, he bet 2000 with a meek board. The first two players behind him folded, but the third slowly contemplated a call. After folding, the crotchety old fart says, "You stupid son-of-a-bitch. You can't fucking call my hand there. No way. This is too fucking easy!" Don't you just love the cocksuckers you meet at the poker table?

Anyway, as I sat down, I opted to pull my best Ackerman routine. I fumbled my chips and kept them in a disorganized mess in front of me. I acted like I never knew when it was my turn and how much I could bet or when I was supposed to fold. I awkwardly fumbled with my cards, acting like I was trying to mimic the card handling skills I had seen on ESPN. I even feigned frustration at one point and began picking up both cards to my chest and staring at them. I never threw my cards into the muck, instead carefully placing them there as if the cards would break. In short, it was the most fun I've had playing poker all year.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I would highly suggest you give it a go. Here are a few other techniques you might want to employ:

• Constantly ask the players around you about the value of the chips.
• Whenever the blinds increase, always post the old blind amounts when it is your turn. On a similar note, any bet you call you call shortly after a blind increase, undercall the bet with the old blind amount.
• Always hold onto your cards. After the dealer has asked you for your cards a half dozen times, the other players will start telling you when it is time to fold.
• Fold pre-flop a ton...and always look like you have no idea what hands you are supposed to play.
• Never raise pre-flop. Yes, this isn't great tournament strategy, but it completely sets you up as the guy who has no fucking clue what he is doing. Case in point, I was dealt KhQh in middle position. Since most hands had been raised (but never re-raised) by the donkeys and bad-asses at the table, this was the kind of hand you had to protect. Instead I just called and joined five other limpers into the pot. The flop was pure trash (2s-6d-8h). I was the the fourth player to check the hand after almost fake-accidentally folding. With a turn of Ks, I was sure I now had the lead in the hand, only cautiously concerned about the possibility of the flush. I only called a meek bet of $200 after three other players called. After the 3 of spades came on the river, the original bettor led out for $200 in a move that looked suspiciously like a made-flush hoping to get a raise, or possibly even a player trying to represent the made-flush. I called knowing that the additional $200 was going to have minimal impact on my chip stack. My queen kicker was good and the player to my right looked at me like I was an idiot. I continued acting like I had no idea what I was doing and clumsily raked the pot as he grumbled, "Nice hand." As if on cue, he blurted,"You did see the flush there didn't you?" I did my best to look bewildered and said, "Flush?"
• Look stupid while playing smart. On another hand, I sheepishly called with AQ suited from the small blind and saw a Queen high flop. This was the first time I had had to act first in a pot. I bet roughly half the pot, but in doing so, I grabbed a handful of chips and audibly counted them out one by one behind my cards. When these chips totalled just over the size of the pot, I began taking chips back out of this pile one by one until I was at half the pot. Then I meekly pushed the stack into the center and announced, "I'll raise that." As all the poker bad-asses folded to me, the final player to lay down his cards stared at me and then muttered, "Good bet." I looked at him like I was stunned and asked "Really?" I then sat there until the dealer told me I won the pot and that I could rake the chips.
• Ask moronic questions to your neighbor like, "how long does this usually last?" When the answer is "about six hours", immediately look at your watch and make a face that implies, "but Jay Leno comes on at 10:30."
• After moving to my third seat, I looked at one of the players from the first table and asked him, "Why do they keep making me move? Did I do something wrong?"
• Occasionally say "check", when someone ahead of you has raised.
• When another player starts shuffling his chips, stare in amazement. Then try to do it yourself, but be sure to spill your chips everywhere.
• Make yourself look lucky. Holding pocket fours on the button, everyone limped to me. In a perfect raising position I called, again looking meek. Both blinds had meager chip stacks, and I had them covered by at least 4x. The small blind folded but the big blind went all-in fully expecting me to fold. I quickly fidgeted, looked at the dealer and asked "call?" Frustrated, the dealer said, "I can't make that decision for you." I said, "Oh, then can I raise?" Now further frustrated, the dealer said, "No, you can only call." I counted out my chips one by one to make the call and the BB turned over J-2 offsuit. My little pair held up and the BB left the table. I saw him look at a friend and say, "How did I get knocked out by him?" Again I didn't touch the pot. When the dealer informed I had won, I replied, "I did?"
• Make inane comments. About every third orbit, I waited for a situation where I had folded, yet the flop was trash. Then I would frown or groan. After one ugly flop of 3-6-9 rainbow I cringed and said "Oh!" I then quietly leaned over to the bad-ass next to me and stated, "I would have had two pair." Patronizingly, he smirked, "Well, you shouldn't have folded it then."

Trust me, it's a hoot. But ultimately all good things must come to an end. I was finally moved to a table where a player knew me. At this point I reverted back to my normal asshole self. Soon, one of the bad-asses at my first table was moved to my table. About six hands in, he noticed that I was clearly a different player than the one he had sized up a few hours earlier. "Oh, now you can play", he said. He looked at me like he thought I was a complete jag-off.

He was right.

Not a Fluke

I guess they know poker down under since WSOP champion Joseph Hachem is the chip leader at the final table of the WSOP Circuit Event at Bally's/Paris. Scotty Nguyen is the short stack.

Young Guns

Nick Shulman becomes the youngest player at 21 to win a WPT Event on Friday. He dominated the final table to capture the World Poker Open at Foxwoods. I feel so old.

Dan=In the Money=Pigs Flying

Our boy Dan got to the final table in a WSOP circuit event in Las Vegas yesterday. Came in 8th place out of 165 players. Pretty impressive. Back to real world now.

Guess who's back?

Just dropping in to say hello. Will post something useful soon. Imiss you boys and can't wait to get into town and break Tiny B. Did that sound gay? (not that there is anything wrong with it).

Dan's Favorite Gaysian

Even though Sang has struggled recently in The Batface home game, he's becoming a legend in other poker venues. I wonder how the pizza is at those games?

We have a winner

The Shane Keller-like line of the year comes to us from Young Phan after losing to a flush draw after he flopped a set at the WPT event at Foxwoods..."I guess I'll go home and fuck my dog."

Living on Tulsa Time

If you don't think I'm going to be here come March/April, then you ... you ... then you are wrong. So there.

BTW: No Vegas trip. Too much going on. Besides, I think I'm needed in Providence.

Shane is rubbing off on Clonie

Our own Clonie has been hanging around Shane too long. In day 1b of the World Poker Finals at Foxwoods, Clonie's boat of 9's and 4's gets beat on the river when her opponent hits one of the two remaining Q's. Overheard while she was leaving "I hate that fucking Shane." Other top players eliminated in the first round are Tex Barch and John Juanda who was out after the fourth hand when his pocket J's lost to pocket A's.

Library Time

Currently reading Kill Phil:The Fast-Track to Success in No-Limit Hold 'Em Poker Tournaments. Pretty damn good explanation of the reasons fast and aggressive is a better tourney strategy than old-school "small ball" approach, which works better in side games and pot-limit tourneys.

It's hard, while reading this, not to think that when they're talking about "old-school" styles, they're discussing my beloved T.J. Cloutier, the player for whom I have the most man-love. That said (and, as this year's event showed, dismiss T.J. at your own risk), there's a lot of very good simple tourney strategy in the book.

And for those who don't understand nuance (Dan! Wassup!), I look forward to trapping you when you take advice like this too far.

Oh, I forgot, we're playing at Dan's tonight. Hmmm. Good thing he won't be trying to bluff me out of every pot now. Will you, Dan?

TOC cont.

Also impressive is Steve Dannenmann's 5th place performance in this tournament. Dannenmann, who openly admits to being a mediocre player in his home game, adds $100,000 to the 4.25 million he won in July by finishing 2nd in the WSOP Main Event. Seems to me that this is equivalent to Thum having the same success, which when you think about it, makes it absolutely remarkable.

The Mouth Prevails

Mike Matusow defeted Hoyt Corkins in the WSOP Tournament of Champions last night with Phil Hellmuth placing in 3rd. The banter between Mike and Phil should make for some entertaining tv on Christmas Eve on ESPN. The sad thing is that neither Mike nor Phil have anything on TBR when he has had a few drinks.

The Mouth Roars

Mike "The Mouth" Matusow had a good day yesterday. He was featured heavily in both episodes of the WSOP Main Event telecast on ESPN. Later, in real time, he spent most of the evening mocking Phil Hellmuth at the final table of the WSOP Tournament of Champions. (Deriding him for playing "weak-tight," for example.) Then he put the Mouth where the money was, overcoming the chip lead of Hellmuth and Hoyt Corkins to win the $1 million first-place prize.

Anyone who has been watching the WSOP coverage on ESPN won't be surprised, as Matusow was spectacularly aggressive when he needed to be but changed gears often enough to conserve chips and stay out of traps. (At least according to what they showed.) Anyone who has been watching said coverage may be shocked to hear who came in fifth: Steve Dannenmann, the devil-may-care nice guy who took up poker a few months before the Main Event and who made the final table. (It was Dannenmann, btw, who doubled Matusow through at a key time yesterday when Matusow rivered his fourth heart on the board to complete a flush.) Full updates at cardplayer.com.

P.S.: Such an obvious headline, but, hey, I'm not gettin' paid to write these.

Doyle's the Bubble Boy

Doyle Brunson gets eliminated in 10th place in the WSOP Tournament of Champions and out of the money. The final table is set for tomorrow with Hellmuth and Matusow leading the group.

Oh.... my.... LORD!!!!

Wow. You have to give Dan credit for weaseling his way into daily candy (some sort of chick website, I think). Top three things that appear suspicious about the article:

1. Dan Michalski, a full-time freelance journalist...
2. ...who teaches people how to win big;
3. And although the price for his wisdom can be steep (up to $80 an hour!!!!!!!!)...

In fairness, apparently Dan did fully disclose about one thing:

"So don't expect diagrams, flow charts, or hard mathematical theories"

The Brat and the Mouth

The first day at the WSOP Tourney of Champions is over and the two chip leaders are Hellmuth and Matusow. The tournament is a $2 million freeroll for those who qualified by finishing in the top 20 of any of the five $10,000 WSOP Circuit Event or making the final table at this year's WSOP Main Event. You might be asking why Hellmuth is in the field or Doyle Brunson or Johnny Chan, who are also among the final 30. Daniel Negreanu is asking the same thing.

Paul Phillips, no relation, has joined in the bashing of the WSOP organizers.

Further proof of why thebatfaces.com was a good idea

As most of you know, our blog is a new and improved version of this blog. Dan, who runs that blog, has made some indirect comments/challenges towards us since we've launched. He doesn't get that we're blogging for fun, not a career. Anyway, here's an example.
- "you know what life of misery those new bloggers are in for. secretly inside i will snicker. "

If you stopped by Pokerati yesterday, you saw that it looked something like this. Luckily for Dan, he was able to get a hold of the guy that runs our blog. Here's his recap of what happened next....I had a voicemail on my phone when we left lunch..dan had left a panicked message about the site, said he admittedly deleted some files he probably shouldnt have, begged to call and hopefully come by. I called him back from the car, he was fear-stricken - i told him i was in the neighborhood and would come by. I think i woke Sang up, dan had 10 gallon bags under his eyes. His office looked like a pipe bomb had gone off in his laundry basket (isnt he common law married to a guy that owns a freaking dry cleaners?) he said he recreated the file he deleted, but it still wasnt working. After almost a full second of looking at it, it was clear as day he had spelled the word "smiles" wrong in the filename. edit, rename, works. i got up and left.

So I guess I posted all of this to say, Dan - I'm snickering.

I Hate People

OK, so I'm anal about my house...but only because the fucking miscreants I invite over to play poker seem to be completely incapable of keeping food in their mouths or on plates or (god forbid) in the trash can.

So, I set down a simple rule for poker night. Don't expect dinner at my place and don't plan on bringing any with you. Of course this rule was completely ignored, but I guess this should be expected from this group of jag-offs.

Why the rant? Apparently one of last night's guests must have thought that my house rules were unfair and as a passive-aggressive effort to inform me of such, they left me a...well...gift. For those who have never heard of a top shelf, you have now been forwarned.

For those of you who were at my house last night, one word: death.

Negreanu Doesn't Wynn Any More

Last week, TBR and I were discussing that we thought it was odd that Negreanu had been playing in the big game at Bellagio while under contract with the Wynn as their "poker guy". Well, I guess he's not under contract anymore. He's now persuing other interests.

Speaking of cheating at poker...

A funny thing happened in our home game a couple of months back regarding allegedly faded spades, the obviously faded queen of hearts and a certain player's penchant for certain sunglasses (to go with his protesteth too muchery) and coincidental advertisement of "card cheating" (and by that I mean "card cheating") on a certain website. But I digress.

If you've ever thought about how well you could do playing with real "magic glasses" (and you're a big poker/math dork), check out Jopke's great post (and subsequent posts). Very mathy for having. On the other hand, if your forte is more along the lines of a 1,397-word post about how to suck it up and find a way to get away from ONE STINKING PAIR, keep checking with our absurd little site for more.

More Chips to Bluff off

There's good news for tournament players coming from PokerStars. Trying to create more action and variety, PS has introduced DeepStack and 6-Handed Tournaments. DeepStack tourneys run just like regular tournaments except the players start with 5,000 chips, instead of 1500 and the blinds last 30 minutes, instead of 15 minutes. Six-Handed tourneys run just like any regular tourney except there are six players at the table (as opposed to a regular tourney's nine players).

Table Image, Part I

"nyumrrr... a lesser player might only eat 31 chicken wings."

Flying Tips

Us Airways just announced they are going to have poker experts give poker tips on their in-flight entertainment show. Tulsa, how is Southwest going to compete with that? Instead of peanuts, are they going to hand out a poker odds chart? Just wondering.

Anatomy of a Tank: Gentle Shane

In my ongoing efforts to support the non-profit pro-tank poker group TANK (Tanks Are Necessary for Knowledge), a rundown on last night's Batface game, with a description of a $125-saving tank.

By night's end, there were 18 or so of us playing two tables at RC. A quick description of some of the players with whom I got involved and their aura/style for the evening:

Host Robert: come-hithery/aggressive
Sarah Dodd: come-nevery/short-stacked
Danny Wine: scotchy/leaking
Troy Darling: Jack witha twisty/calling
Todd Phillips: Smitten with Sangy/doubling up through dad
Sang: Giggly/PL City
Adam: Loose Cally/Re-distributing my chips
Shane: Happy/Stacky
Dan: Raise-y/Lose-y

Others were there: Scott F. (Fresh from a Dan Harrington book club session), TBR (in fine Sweater Vest form), Simmons (seemed SLIGHTLY less desperate to lose all his money than normal), Comstock (sporting his new Mathew Modine 18-minute mark of Full Metal Jacket look), Thum (is it me, or is he looking FINE these days?), and a few others with whom I never got into hands.

Coupla hands pre-tank worth noting:

Interesting hand with Adam early. Here's one thing folks should know about Adam: he can't be bullied. He will take re-raises as a personal challenge. He will also call most pre-flop raises from the BB for this same reason. He is of the "protect my blinds" school. If you know this, you can take advantage of it or avoid sticky bluffing situations that won't work. If you forget this, he can make you pay.

So it was not surprising that when I made it $9 to go with A-Q hearts from late position after he'd called a min-raise in early position, he called. Flop came K-J-6 with two clubs. He immediately bet $15. Based on a variety of factors that come from playing with Adam a lot, I believed the flop missed him but he had a draw. I thought perhaps A-Q like me, or A-10, any ace with two clubs, Q-10, or any two suited club connectors. My thought was that I'm ahead in most everyone of those scenarios, and if I come back over the top for at least 40, the correct play is to fold. If he doesn't and I've read it right, I'm in good shape. If I'm wrong and he has second pair (Q-J, J-10, something like that) I've still got outs. In any case, unless I was DEAD wrong, he would have to strongly consider folding, as it would be the proper play, given the range of hands I could hold.

Problem was, after I raised 40 (Adam had 53 behind him), he immediately got his stubborn face on. Idiot me, I thought. I'd just check-raised him out of a pot three or four hands earlier when I made a similar read and had flopped second pair with an ace. I realized that this wasn't about the hand, it was about, "No way I'm letting Celeste do this to me twice in 15 minutes. I can't be pushed around." In my opinion, based on what he said afterward, he tried to do the math TO justify the call, not to evaluate the call. I think this is the result of too many tanks (certainly too many I've put myself in) where you search for reasons to justify the move you want to make, not try to push past the emotions and evaluate the hand dispassionately. I show this for comparison to my tank later on.

So he pushed all in, I had to call with $13 more. He turned over 10-9 clubs. I don't think that's the "right" play, but it wasn't a bad play. It WAS a play I should have expected given the stated factors, but I just didn't evaluate the player properly beforehand, which led to me getting all my money in as only a 55-60 percent favorite, which is better than being a coinflip but not surprising that I lost. (He turned a 9, river was a blank.) I felt good about read of his hand, but chastized myself for not taking the time to consider the texture of the game to that point, which might have led me to just give the hand up, even though I thought I was ahead. Get your money in at a better spot, Celeste. That was my takeaway.

That said, I played pretty aggressively the rest of the night, to good effect. Came back after the Adam hand and had a nice stack, thanks largely to Troy Darling paying me off in consecutive hands. Then, post-tank with Shane (described momentarily), I had this hand with Dan.

I limp UTG. Three callers, then Dan in mid-late position makes it $5 to go. We all call. Flop comes K-J-5. I check. It's checked around to Dan, who bets $5. Turn is an ace, which gives a heart draw. I check, again it gets to Dan, who bets $10. I call. Everyone else folds. River is a 2, no heart. I bet $10, Dan raises to $30, I IMMEDIATELY push in my entire stack of about $275 in a ridiculous all-in overbet display. Dan has about $120 behind him, and he picks it up and IMMEDIATELY and authoritatively slams it down, calling all-in. I turn over pocket 5s. He shows pocket 2s for the lower set. I invite analysis of this hand, as this post is already too long. (I know I slow-played it and put myself at peril. Given that I knew almost right away I would be up against Dan heads-up by hands-end, I took the risk for the big payoff.)

The tank hand: I had a coupla hundred in front of me. I raise from late position with A-K to $7 or $8 or so. I get one caller, Shane, who is in early position. Flop comes K-Q-6. Shane checks. I bet $10. He calls. Turn is a blank. He checks. I consider checking here. I don't like his call on the flop. I don't believe in betting to "see where you are." I believe in betting for two reasons: build a pot or win a pot. I'm not on a draw, so I don't want to build a pot. I don't think Shane would call there without a nice hand. I'm no longer sure I'm ahead. As I think about it, I'm pretty certain he has a King. And the range is pretty small that he would call pre-flop with: A-K, K-Q, K-J (aka, "The Shane"), K-10 (MAYbe). That's it. He could also easily have pocket 6s. (He doesn't have A-A, K-K, Q-Q, or J-J, because he would have raised pre-flop.) My problem was, if I don't bet then, I give up the hand unless we check it down. If I don't bet HERE, I can't bet on the river unless it's an ace, and I certainly can't CALL. So either resign the hand or bet here. Hell, I may have the best hand. I bet $40.

Shane goes into one of his toughtful, chip-stacking, slight tanks where he gets wide-eyed, thinks about it, and then gives a shrugging-yet-crushing over-the-top bets, going all-in with a $126 stack.

Now, tank time. I consider the above range of hands. This takes some time, because it's amazing how easy it is to not forget about a possible, even LIKELY hand (example, the pocket 6s) when you've been put to the test. That's because emotion is doing everything it can to block reason. Testosterone seeps into your brain.

I mean, you know, FUCK THIS GUY. Who the FUCK does he think HE is? I'm going to let him run me off this hand? No FUCKING way. I FUCKING call, bitch. Whatchoo got? The nuts? What's that?

Those are the bad thoughts. Then, as you power down and try to replay the hand rationally (What did he do preflop? Post flop?) and consider texture (What is his table image? More important, what is MINE?) and HIS emotions (Is he in "double up or go home" mode?), you have to deal with the pressure from the table to hurry up. You start trying to block this out, but that just means you've lost track of your primary tank focus: What does he have, and what should I do? In that order.

It's instructional to break a tank down this way. It's not just about figuring pot odds, implied odds, oddball behavior, etc. It's about fundamentally figuring out, WTF does he have? THEN let those things influence the second order of business: deciding what action to take.

In this case, it was actually pretty simple. Shane knows that, in that position with that raise, I've got a premium hand. He knows that, because I bet that $40, it hit me. Perhaps I was trying to steal with my $10 bet, but not the $40. He knows how strong the smooth call looked. So to figure out what he has, I have to decide what he puts me on. Given the hand so far, he has to assume he's either up against (and probably in bad shape against) K-K or J-J, or up against (and in good shape against) A-K, K-Q or maybe even Q-Q. The latter isn't likely, as he knows I most likely wouldn't bet Q-Q there, cuz I don't get married to high pairs that face an overcard. And would I raise with K-Q pre-flop in that position? Maybe. Not likely, but maybe.

Okay, so he probably knows what I got, or maybe he thinks I've got two pair. But he's not scared of these. Why not? What cards does he have to have where my likely hands wouldn't scare him much? (Sans nuts, there's always SOME fear.) And, once you determine those, then you can see if they fit into the texture of the hand so far. As I said before, not many. K-Q, 6-6. Maybe A-K or K-J.

So, given that range of hands, I've got one chance of winning: if he has The Shane. Then, as my tank is starting to annoy Todd, I remember that he said, post flop, something about having "the sort of hand you'd put me on." Of course that's K-J. Why would he say that? Because, if I DID have A-k as he suspected (which I did), that's what he'd want me to put him on.

That's where the emotion kicks in. You start to say to yourself, as I did, the following:

Fuck it, I won't be able to take it if I fold here and he turns over K-J. Everyone will start yelling and macking fun of me. "He bluffed you with the Shane! Fear the Shane!" I'm not going to let that happen. I'd rather lose my stack.

After a few cocktails, some playful bitching at each other, and a lifetime of wrapping up your ego into competitive outcomes, it's this sort of rationale that makes you do things you IMMEDIATELY regret, like Ron Burgundy jumping into the bear pit to save Veronica Corningstone. And once it's over, and they turn over the winner, which your rational mind KNEW he had, you feel like an idiot. A broke, re-buying idiot.

This is why the tank is so important. Get into the Zen state. Free your mind, Neo. Listen to logic. Don't be a pussy, but don't think every laydown MAKES you a pussy.

I layed it down. Shane said he had K-Q and I believe him. Even if he didn't (Todd put him on pocket 6s), even if he had 2-3, I made the right play. Thanks to the tank.

Kid Poker Not Happy

As TBR told you, the 2006 WSOP schedule was released this week. Daniel Negreanu isn't too happy about it. Here are his thoughts from his blog at Full Contact Poker.

"After the complaints the floor people received this year, I was all but certain the World Series of Poker would bring back the mixed game event and make sure to protect the integrity of the event by maintaining a wide variety of games. Screwed! That's how I felt when I saw the schedule. The World Series of Poker is an inappropriate title for this mockery. The World Series of Hold'em, sure, but how dare they call this the World Series of Poker when they've eliminated most of the other tournaments in favor of even more hold'em events.It's not about the poker anymore, it's all about the bottom line apparently. Not only was there no mixed game event,, but get this, there is precisely ONE stud hi-lo event with a... I can't take it... with a.... with a.... $1000 buy in! My goodness, how shameful!Not to mention the fact that if you want to play in the $3000 Omaha H/L event, it happens to run two hours after the $3000 limit hold'em event. The tournaments that used to get their own day, multiple days in fact, are reduced to being "after thoughts."I can't tell you how upset I am with the mockery that has become of the schedule. No longer is the WSOP about the poker, about protecting the integrity of the game, or about giving the players what they want. Nope, it's all about the bottom line. *Sigh* It just infuriates me and I know I'm not alone. The best players in the world play in the biggest mixed games in the world:Hold'emStudOmaha H/LStud H/LRazz2-7 Triple DrawLimit OmahaPot Limit OmahaNo Limit Hold'em2-7 NL Single DrawThese are the games that the world's best enjoy playing, but the WSOP has decided that these players know nothing about what poker is all about. Poker is Hold'em to them, and nothing more.Poker is dying. Not hold'em of course, but poker as we once knew it is becoming extinct because the people in control aren't interested in helping poker flourish, they have a bottom line to think about that takes precedence over all else. I have no idea who is at fault so I won’t place blame. I’d sure like to know, though, who- who exactly is making these decisions? I don't even know what else to say. I am so disappointed and I don't know what else to do other then to vent my frustrations. I love poker, and "non-poker playing" suits are killing the game I love."

2005 WSOP Main Even Trip Report: Day 3, Part 2

When the Farha table was broken, it was still during (or right around the end of) the first level of day 3. They had added almost an hour onto that level because of the hand-for-hand action.

My new table was destined to be fierce. I drew seat 3 which gave me a good view of all the action. Olga Varkonyi was in seat 1, sitting on around 300k in chips. In Seat 2 was Sarah Bilney, a delightful Brit who was already garnering attention from the ESPN camerass for being (along with Olga) among the few remaining women. In seat four was a guy by the name of Alan Colon. He finished 8th in the 2004 US Poker championship at the Taj. He was an older, nice fellow, but somewhat talky. In seat 5 was an internet qualifier in his 50s. He was not a strong player. In seat 6 was an unlucky person. Aaron Kantor was in seat 7 with about 400k in chips. Seat 8 was about to be Kantor’s best friend. Seat 9 was an older pro named Robert something. He looked familiar and appeared to be very tired.

The new table was right on the rail, and the spectators were, literally, right behind me and Bilney. It was extremely unnerving, loud and awesome, all at the same time. Standing front and center were Robert Varkonyi and his Coach (from Day 2), sweating Olga’s action. (note: after seeing ESPN’s coverage of Olga on Day 1, I suspected I might be visible when they show Robert sweating her on Day 3. I assumed that the timid-looking, short-stacked player with the blue hat on backwards is me. What I did not assume is that this player would also appear to be severely in need of sunlighe any 78 pounds overweight. Also, the only time you see my stack, it actually looks pretty good! T.V. is so fake.)

When I sat down, I think we were at the $18k and change payout level, moving up to $21k in the next few bust-outs. Believe me, with around 45k in chips and blinds at 1200-2400 with a 400 ante, I was ACUTELY aware of the pay-out structure. With 6000k in dead money out there to start each hand, I had to move and move fast.

Almost immediately, the player in seat 8 re-raised Kantor all in for his last 80k or so. Kantor called instantly and tabled aces. Seat 8 sheepishly showed JTo which didn’t improve, and the rich got richer. “Wow,” I thought, “Can’t love to get your money in that way. I certainly don’t want to do something THAT stupid.” (read: foreshadowing).

Within the next orbit, I got involved in my first hand. Colon, sitting UTG, made it 8,000 to go. It was called by Olga in the cutoff and Bilney in Seat 2. I was down to around 42K after posting the BB, and 5,600 represented a significant chunk of my stack. But getting nearly 5-1 on my money, any two would have to do, and I reluctantly made the call with 3-5 of diamonds. The flop came down King high with two diamonds, and I knew my time had come. Bilney and I checked, Colon led out for 10,000, Olga called, Bilney folded and I moved in for around 28k more figuring I wasn’t going to find a much better spot.

Colon reluctantly folded what he said was KJ and Olga called immediately with KQo declaring that I was on a flush draw. The 4 of diamonds rolled off on turn, and suddenly I had 115,000 in chips. At least 20 people groaned behind me, and I apologized to Olga. “I can afford it,” she said with a smile. She is an extremely aggressive player, perhaps to a fault, but she is definitely someone to be feared with a big stack. I will not be surprised to see her deep in another big tournament.

A few hands later, the blinds moved to 1500-3000 with a $500 ante, and feeling frisky, I open-raised to $10,000 from under the gun with JTs. Kantor made it 40,000 to go, and I had to fold. Back to meek, passive play.

About this time, Colon lost a huge pot to the internet qualifier in seat 5 holding KT to his AT on a flop of T-T-x. That gave seat 5 around 250,000 in chips which he proceeded to hemmorage almost immediately. This perturbed Colon who made more than one reference aloud to the distribution of “his chips” amongst the rest of us.

Olga busted seat 6 (Mr. Unlucky) on the first of three brutal suckouts involving her. He had AQ and raised pre-flop. She called. Flop came A-J-x. He checked, she bet, he raised and she went into the tank. When she came out she moved him in for his last 90k or so. He reluctantly called, and she showed pocket tens! Wow! Blank on the turn, but here came the ten on the river. Olga was now amongst the chip leaders with over 500k in chips. Robert Varkonyi, celebrating wildly at this 200,000 chip suckout actually proclaimed aloud that she “deserved it” while the poor slob in seat 6 was still trying to gather his things. Colon almost went over the rail after him, just on principle.

Shortly thereafter Colon busted, and Burt Rice came to seat 4 with around 400,000 in chips. Olga raised him out pre-flop a couple of times, once moving him all in and showing AKo as he folded. He clearly appeared agitated. Then the second river suckout occurred. Olga made a big call of the new seat 6’s all-in bet with AQ against his A-10. A ten spiked on the river to take a chunk of her stack, dropping her just below 350,000.

On the very next hand, she made it $20,000 to go. (blinds were now at 2k-4k with a $500 ante.) Rice made it 60,000, and Olga IMMEDIATELY moved in. Rice thought about it for about 4 seconds and called with A8 suited!!! Was I seeing that right??!!? Are you kidding me!!!?? Olga had AK, again, but the turn was an 8, and no king came to save her. Just like that, in TWO consecutive hands, Olga went from being among the chip leaders to out. And Burt Rice suddenly had about 7000,000 in chips. And he never even blinked. Go Poker!

Bilney kept accumulating chips getting it all in with KK vs QQ, AA v. KK, etc. left and right. She also got involved in a big pot with Kantor where she got him to fold to an all-in bet on the turn. She was friendly, and we chatted a bit between hands. By this point, she had begun doing interviews for ESPN and was excited by the prospect of being the highest woman finisher. I told her she shouldn’t worry about that and try to win the whole damn thing. This may or may not have been filmed. If they show it, I’m sure I’ll look like an idiot.

Olga’s seat was taken by the Celesty Can Kim Hua and his 400,000 in chips or so. Then Andrew Black came and took seat 8 to Kantor’s left. His unique high-stacking style made me fear him.

After a prolonged drought, I was still hovering around 100K. I had noticed that Robert (in seat 9) had varied his raises and usually bet 4x the BB when he had a real hand, and only 3x the BB when he didn’t. (He was showing every hand that he won without a showdown.) Then from the cutoff, he raised four times the BB, and I really felt like he was strong. It folded to me in the big blind and I found AKo. I was convinced he had aces, kings or queens, and for some reason kings really stood out. After a pretty short think, I folded. He showed me queens as he raked the pot.

In hindsight, this is certainly one of the hands that really haunts me. Yes, I was behind and favored to go broke, and yes I survived to make more than $10,000 more in real money. But as a short stack, I’ve got to be willing to play AK all-in pre-flop there, particularly if I’m facing a cutoff raise to my short-stacked big blind. He could easily be picking on me there. I think I was right on my instincts, and I’m happy about that, but I often wonder what would have happened if I was able to double through there. Even though there were big stacks at my table (and good players), I really felt like I could play with them if I had a few more chips.

A couple of hands later, I found queens. “Booyeah!” I thought, “you’re ‘big laydown’/wimpout is going to be rewarded. You were supposed to go broke there, but now you are going to double through.” Robert open-raised for 3X the BB and I moved in. The internet qualifier in seat 5, who had given away all but $50,000 in chips shrugged, frowned and called with pocket tens. Awesome! I’m going to be sitting on around $170,000 in chips! Here we go! Finally!

Ten on the river, and I’m on life support with exactly $50,000 in chips.

Amazingly, I was able to win the blinds uncontested on the next hand. I don’t even remember what I had, but remember thinking it was absurd that a player with 50,000 in chips could “steal” the 12,500 in dead money. A few hand later Hua, who played very few hands, open-raised on my big blind, and I moved in with 99. After a long think he folded. That was a good feeling.

On the next hand, Robert open-raised 3x the BB and I called with AK suited in clubs. I flopped the nut flush and got him to bet at it on the flop and river, but he failed to bite at my all-in raise on the river. Oh well, that got me back close to 100,000.

At night's end, we were down to 185 players, and I had $88,500 in chips to start day 4.

Day 2 and 3 Coverage

Yes, I am certainly happy that ESPN is doing the WSOP. Yes, it brings tons of appeal, money and donkeys to the "sport." However, I continue to bristle at how little of the actual action they are capturing. The Kondracki/Kim hand (the "Degree All In" Hand of episode 2 last night) is a perfect example. ESPN sees that hand as compelling because it was the biggest pot of the tournament. True enough, and it also feature future final tabler Kondracki raking a huge pot. But sadly, it COMPLETELY MISSES the action in the hand (as I re-told it), which for a poker player, was staggering. (and FYI, Olga's exit was far, FAR more compelling than the cameras captured. I'll set the record straight with my day 3 re-cap later today)

I'm not saying making Steve Dannenman look like a complete asshole doesn't make for good t.v., I just wish they had included more of the hand details when they had a chance. Even if they don't capture the action on film, Norm and Lon could fill the audience in on the action that had occurred by having someone with the camera crew get it from the players at the table. Then, I think, we'd have the best of all worlds.

Two more things:

(1) I may be a pasty, chubby fool, but I didn't see anyone else bold enough to give Olga a one-man standing O.

(2) There's no crying in poker.

2006 WSOP

The new 2006 WSOP schedule has been released. The 44 event schedule will cover almost 7 weeks and feature a (gulp) FOURTEEN DAY main event. Wow, we'll have to do A LOT of drinking.

If you don't like hand histories, don't read this

I played in Poker Stars Bloggers Championship on Sunday and finished in 291st of 1473. I was never much of a factor although I would have been above par had I won the hand that crippled me. I think I was a favorite. You decide. I'm Clinkscale.

PokerStars Game #2875584869: Tournament #13081516, Hold'em No Limit - Level VIII (200/400) - 2005/10/23 - 18:01:18 (ET) Table '13081516 15' Seat #3 is the button Seat 1: psufan2828 (3385 in chips) Seat 2: Clinkscale (3565 in chips) Seat 3: asheresque (3355 in chips) Seat 4: Th@tGood (8170 in chips) Seat 5: MrParx (8964 in chips) Seat 6: davee3283 (3170 in chips) Seat 7: sparkyr (7020 in chips) Seat 8: albedoa (2520 in chips) Seat 9: mrsamweb (10395 in chips)
psufan2828: posts the ante 25
Clinkscale: posts the ante 25
asheresque: posts the ante 25
Th@tGood: posts the ante 25
MrParx: posts the ante 25
davee3283: posts the ante 25
sparkyr: posts the ante 25
albedoa: posts the ante 25
mrsamweb: posts the ante 25
Th@tGood: posts small blind 200
MrParx: posts big blind 400
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Clinkscale [8h 8d]
davee3283: calls 400
sparkyr: folds
albedoa: folds
mrsamweb: folds
psufan2828: folds
Clinkscale: raises 3140 to 3540 and is all-in
asheresque: folds
Th@tGood: folds
MrParx: folds
davee3283: calls 2745 and is all-in
*** FLOP *** [2c Kc 6d]
davee3283 said, "damn"
*** TURN *** [2c Kc 6d] [5c]
*** RIVER *** [2c Kc 6d 5c] [Tc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
davee3283: shows [7c 7d] (a flush, King high)
Clinkscale: shows [8h 8d] (a pair of Eights)
davee3283 collected 7115 from pot
albedoa said, "wow"
sparkyr said, "whoa!"

Donkey's Rule

Minh Ly defeats Dan Harrington to win the Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship when his Jc-3h beats Dan's Ah-5c and a 3 comes on the flop. This just proves that Celeste could win a big tournament since that is all that he plays.

Dan, Daaannnn, DAAAAANNNN....

... just saw this hot off the wire of the "pokery headlines." Please take note. You might want to cross babysitting off your list of odd jobs.

$1,060,000 to the winner

They're down to the final 6 at the Doyle Brunson Championship at Bellagio. TBR man crush, Gavin Smith is 3rd in chips behind Dan Harrington and Mihn Ly. Three lesser known players, including 2005 WSOP bracelet winner Jan Sorensen make up the rest of the final table.

I know everyone has their own favorite Minh Ly story. Here's one I like from Pauly via The Poker Prof's blog a couple days after the WSOP Main Event, where he finished 19th....

I chatted with Minh Ly in the Sports Book while I kept my eye on the Yankees score. He was upset with Mike Matusow. "He's not a gentleman," he repeated several times during our conversation. Supposedly, Matusow was talking tons of smack with Minh during the Main Event. On Monday night, Matusow arrived at the Bellagio to cash his $1M WSOP check. Minh was playing $4K/$8K at the time. Matusow wouldn't stop talking and said he'd play Minh for a $1 million heads-up freeze out. Minh took him up on his offer and left to secure the money. When Minh came back 20 minutes later with a sufficient bankroll, Matusow bailed on him. "He's afraid to play me," Minh added. Mike Matusow is good, but Minh Ly would out play him for sure. Minh plays in the "big game" with Doyle and Chip Reese. He's one of the last guys I'd want to play heads up, especially for $1M.

Go Poker

A couple Batface friends have just been eliminated from the 2005 Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship at Bellagio. Dallasite Rodeen Talebi was eliminated in 35th place ($17,245) moments after Jim McManus went out in 37th place ($17,245). McManus also placed in two of the earlier events including taking home almost $41,000 for finishing 4th. No word if all his competitors "respected the game".

Let's go, Gavin!

My idol, Gavin Smith, is the chipleader through the second day of the Doyle Brunson North American Poker Championship. Check out the final 39, a veritable who's who of poker elite. Sadly, Danny N. busted with a lower straight (losing to the Bone, in fact).

New Freezealand?

In case you missed this one on the handy batface poker wire- hot New Zealand chicks now have poker addictions. Why? "A large number of pathological female gamblers were lonely women in their 30s who went to bars looking for company but ended up addicted to poker machines." Just want to make sure I have this right- girls are out "desperately wanting company", can't get it, so settle for poker flavored donkeying. strange.

Tuesday Night at the WSOP

If you watched the WSOP coverage last night, you met Barry Paskin. He's the crazy-haired, Beckham jersey wearing Brit whose self-promoting, yet entertaining, antics were showcased last night. If you watched closely, you can see a fat guy in a gay, yellow shirt behind Barry when he was all-in with aces. The fat guy is me.
If you were close to Barry at any time during the two days he played, this story will not surprise you.

The Genius of Pauly

Today I'd planned on doing a preview for tonight's Day 1A and 2 coverage on ESPN. Then I ran across Pauly's poker blog and realized it couldn't go overlooked. Though I've never met him, it seems like Pauly is a lot like Dan, except he's responsible and hard-working.

Look for a lot of Marcel tonight during the first hour. Go poker.

Late-Night Batface Fest

Quick report on the post-Medici action. (At which Batface Robert Wilonsky came in 3rd, which was awesome, and couldn't enjoy it at the table because MC Phil Helmuth kept mispronouncing his name and didn't remember being interviewed by him, which was beyond awesome. Posts on this TK from other Batfaces and on Pokerati, where I'm sure it will be mentioned that I won a single table tourney for an iPod Shuffle.)

We decided to go to Dan Michalski's crib for after-hours action. I get to Dan's at 11:30. His roomie, Sang, is playing PlayStation NCAA '06 while simultaneously watching Southpark. He looks very confused when he answers the door. I tell him folks are coming over for a quick tourney. He pours me bourbon over ice and asks me to please take the WSOP PlayStation game home, so he and Dan can be "somewhat productive" again.

Zach and Dan B. arrive. Dan B. proclaims himself "very scotchy." Zach steels himself for hours of embarrassment. Tim arrives with Clonie Gowen, who looks great as always. Tim is very drunk and assholey. Clonie walks around the house and looks quite stunned at its incompleteness. She says she's starving and looks even more horrified to find there is not one thing resembling edible foodstuff in the house. She begs us to order a pizza, which we do. (Sang runs to the door when he arrives and refuses to let anyone pay a dollar.)

We'd decided to play a cash game. Pat, the guy who makes the supersweet poker tables (really nice guy) shows up to play, too. We run .50-1 NL. Everyone buys in for a hundy, I buy in for 60. First hand, Dan raises to 4, tim raises to 15, I go all in, everyone folds to Tim, who says F-you and calls with A-10 off. I have JJ. Flop comes J-2-2. I am in, as they say, a commanding position. Runner-runner aces do not come, and I now sit on my stack for two hours as Tim goes $200 down an then $250 up playing insane. (I only get in one hand with him, calling him down with third pair for the winner.) Dan and Sang re-raise each other all-in every third hand. Pat looks horrified, Clonie looks ... she looks SAD. Tim spends the last hour asking Clonie how hard she likes it, does she like it hard, does she want to be raped, declaring his horniness for her, telling her to eat a fucking twinkie, telling her he's a better card player than she is, smirking the entire time. I was sober and sick of him by 11:38. We played until 2 and I pulled a Todd, cashing immediately and walking out the door.

Dan was also just out of control. He hit on Clonie every chance he got. When she said she was tired, he OF COURSE said, "Well, you can stay here for the night," complete with lurid grin. I mean, he's such a stray dog with a pink boner, you wanna call animal control.

Dan B. was so drunk it was silly. K-8, he raises $50 into an unraised pot. He knocked his drink over twice in 18 seconds. Zach was exasperated at trying to be his dad's father. EVERY time it was Dan's turn, Dan would START to say "What is it to me?" or "What's happening?" and Zach would just yell, "Put a blue chip in, DAD!" That part was actually funny.

Oh, and when Clonie stood up and leaned over to sweep a pot, Dan B. slapped her on the ass. When she left she proclaimed me least creepy guy there, which isn't saying much. If she never again talks to us, could you blame her? Go Batfaces!

Two Black Nines (or 7-6 offsuit)....

Last night it was my privilege to play in a no limit tournament as an invited guest of the world's greatest blog, Frontburner, hosted by none other than the Poker Brat himself, Phil Hellmuth, Jr. The tournament was held at Medici, a swank Dallas nightclub a loser like me doesn't have a prayer of getting into unless he's lucky enough to fall ass backwards into a freeroll like this.

Long story short, Hellmuth was Hellmuthian and great (as always), the tournament was a lot of fun (finished 14th out of 100 or so), and our own batface, Robert Wilonsky, finished in the money, taking 3rd place good for 4 hundy. Look for pictures and perhaps some audio from Dan over at pokerati.

Very Shaney

Converstaion overheard at the La Riatta tournament on Saturday night, while standing in the buffet line.

Some guy to Shane: Hey are you the guy that won this tournament last year?
Shane : Yes, I am.
Guy : Cool, did you go play in the World Series?
Shane : Yes
Guy : How was it?
Shane : It was good. I went out to Vegas a couple days before the Main Event started to see what the scene was like. We stayed at Caesars and I played a couple small tournaments at The Palms to get ready for the WSOP. I played on the third day and was very nervous before I started. The previous day had been very relaxing as I went to the movie and to look at sharks. I also tried to get a shave at the barber shop at Mandalay Bay, but they were booked. That sucked. So I get to the Rio and I feel like I'm going to throw up because I'm so nervous. I quickly downed six screwdrivers so I could relax. I didn't recognize any players at my table. I played the first hand and stole the blinds. I stole a couple more blinds early on and started to feel comfortable. I was playing well and realizing that I shouldn't be scared of any of these players. I raised with A7 on the button after it was folded around to me. One person called. I flopped trip sevens but eventually folded because he had flopped a full house. Most people would have gone broke, but I lost the least amount possible, so I felt good about that. There was a guy on my left, who defended his blinds like crazy, often re-raising. I had a great read on him and knew what his game was like. A few hands later I flopped two pair, but laid it down because I put the other guy on a straight flush. It was a great lay down. Most players would have gone broke. I had built my stack to 15000TC and was dealt pocket 9's. I raised and it happen to be Mr Protectors big blind and he re-raised me. I had a great read on him, so I re-raised all-in. he called me in.00073 seconds with KK. I lost most of my chips. I continue to this day to beat myself up over this. I went with my read and it was wrong. I still think I played the hand wonderfully. I talked to some of my poker playing friends about it and they agreed. Marcel said it was a good play on my part. My friend Clonie Gowen, who I'm going to the Cowboy game with tomorrow, also agreed. I double up a couple times and then was dealt QQ. It was raised before me and I went all in. I got called by A8. Can you believe someone called me with A8? Donkey! He hit and Ace on the river and I was busted out. I played great poker and was out of the tournament.
Guy(clearly dazed and beaten): Oh.

Mike Simmons =

Thursday Night Poker

I figured I would beat Todd to the punch so his comments to my "horrible, can't fucking believed you called me" wouldn't be front and center on the main page. Small group of us played at Tulsa's last night in a pretty uneventful night. No obscene, ungodly odors coming from Tim's body, which straight Eric complimented him on instead of just saying thank you. One uncomfortable moment when three players were talking about someone's small penis inadvertantly in front of the host's daughter. Don't worry, she was too busy text messaging to hear what was going on. Receiving updates on Freeze's date from Todd, since Freeze ignored my emails to his Blackberry. I guess the most entertainment by far came from Simmons. Not really sure how to explain how excited everyone was to hear that he has money and is willing to "take a gamble with it".

Back to my bad call on the last hand. I was down just a little when I get dealt 9s3s. Usually I would never call but being the last hand, I figured I would limp in. The flop comes 5s6h8s. Tim is first to call and he bets $10. Straight Eric and Tulsa fold and then Todd bets $75. We played pot limit for the first 3 hours and then NL for the last 2. Need to get rid of PL in our home game. This is where sometimes I play with my gut and not by the book. I didn't have pot odds, however I felt that Tim was going to call since he is notorious for staying in on big pots, and I thought he actually had a hand. Yes, he could have had a higher flush draw than me, but my gut told me he didn't. So with the flush draw and any seven giving me a straight I called. Dickhead Tim folded since he was keeping with his word earlier in the night of "not playing like an ass and blowing all my money in the last hour". Todd proceeded to lecture me on how I can be so stupid to make such a shitty call. Todd flips over a 47 for the small straight, which I think happened 3-4 times last night, him flopping a straight. Even though everyone in the room was convinced a flush would come, it didn't. Todd was very happy and even apologized for the lecture however it was as sincere as a typical Todd comment.

On my long ass drive home I thought about the call and I knew that $75 was way too much to chase a flush. Sometimes your gut can be wrong, especially since Tim folded not giving me any pot odds, but it doesn't hurt to have the other players have no idea what you are going to call. I might be reading too much of Dan's playing.