Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 4)

Batface Ballsiest Move of the Year

(Note: After hoisting a few at happy hour today with this Batface and this Batface, I was clearly reminded that I am woefully behind on my list of annual awards. I'll try to catch up. IN the meantime, enjoy this).

Anyway, this category was a one horse race.

After making something like $10 billion in the last two years, Batface Scott Fawcett decided that golf was much cooler than money. In the process he set out to qualify for the PGA Tour. That's right, kids. The PGA Tour. Not some random grabass barbecue circuit, but the P-fuckin' GA.

To do so, he would have to survive three (or maybe it was four) rounds of qualifying against many of the best golfers in the nation. Even if he made it to the brutal final qualifying stage, he would be playing against some of the best young players in the country as well as many grizzled veterans from PGA Tours past.

Let's put this in perspective. I'm better than at least 98 percent of the golfing populace and I am a distant third amongst the Batfaces. The happiest of all Batfaces is an admirable second. Sir Scott is the clear favorite. Unfortunately, I can't scratch either one's ass on the golf course...and Cap'n Happy Pants is a distant follower to Scott (who has taken a new lease on life and exiled his alcohol-fueled alter ego, "Steve," to another planet). Scott is that damn good.

However, to live his dream, he would have to play his best..and he just about did. He was amazing in the qualifying rounds, including an incredible four-round, 39-under masterpiece at Pine Valley. In the end, he narrowly missed the big show, but automatically qualified for spots on some of the minor league tours and he could qualify for a few Tour events via early-week qualifiers. Look for Mr. Fawcett in an upcoming weekend telecast soon.

Unfortunately, Scott's attempt to chase the dream wasn't even a close second. The Ballsiest Move of the Year actually belongs to Scott's now-wife. With a successful legal career in progress, the to-be-Mrs. Fawcett responded to Scott's marriage proposal with a hay maker. Actual transcript of the discussion follows:

Scott: Rebecca, will you marry me?
Rebecca: Yes.
Scott: You've made me so happy.
Rebecca: Uh...ok...great.
Scott: We'll be a great team. I'm going to play on the PGA tour and you'll be my beautiful and talented lawyer wife.
Rebecca: Sorry, I was just on the phone.
Scott: Oh, with who?
Rebecca: My boss. I just quit my job.
Scott: Uhhh...
Rebecca: That poker table has to go.
TBR: Go Batfaces!
(end scene)

Congratulations, Mrs. Scott Fawcett!


son of sue said...


Anonymous said...

Actually I told her to quit...remember, as Rogers will confirm, I am rich.

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