The Wire vs. Sports, a series

1. Josh Childress vs. Bubbles.

Pop Quiz, Hot-Shot

Who are you most likely to see at the horse track?

This person or this person?

Scattershooting While Wondering Whatever Happened to Scott Fawcett

Watching yesterday's coverage of the Masters made me think about golf, which I haven't played in nearly two months. It also made think about how cool it would be to see our ol' buddy Scott Fawcett in the heat on the final day of a PGA event.

I then fondly recalled Scott's outstanding ass-slapping skills and I wonder if he still has the stones to bring this kind of performance out of his bag of tricks.



Guy Spanks Girl and Shoves Pie in Her Face - Watch more Funny Videos

A sad, sad, sad, sad day for Randy Brown.

Tragic.

An Open Response to Fucking Paul Tagg

I can't believe the Batfaces got called down by some Canadian fag whose ties to our secret organization are circumspect, at best. Anyway, I assume that most of his post was directed at me, so I would like to take this opportunity to refute his claims. Let's look at the accusations:

1. Egotistical. No way. Not me. No one is more humble than me.

2. Misanthropic. I don't even know what this word means...and when people use words I don't understand it makes me hate not only them, but all of humanity.

3. Philandering. Really?!?

4. Racist. Not me. Tim definitely, but not me.

5. Alcoholic. No fucking way. Wait, you might have me on this one.

6. Back-stabbing. Not me. I don't work at D Magazine.

7. Bulimic. If by bulimic, you mean that I sometimes throw up in the middle of the night after pounding a fifth of VO, then I guess I might be bulimic.

8. Should fuck myself with Sang's huge head. In truth, I would like to do this, but every time I hang out with Sang, we just end up singing show tunes.

So, Mr. Tagg. Take your comments and stick them deep inside your...

You know, on second thought, Tagg is probably right.

Good post.

All Batfaces are egotistical misanthropic philandering racist alcoholic back-stabbing bulimics that should go fuck themselves with Sang's huge head

Back to you, poker.

Batface Beat, Part 5

Batface Beat, Part 4

So Cold in Big D

If one or two of our friends has a business engagement, it makes it all but impossible for the Batfaces to make a home game. Why? Well, certain people hate certain people and certain people are preggers and certain people just don't feel like playing poker right now.

So, if someone could please explain this one to me: how the fuck do we 'posed to keep peace?

P.S. How is it that this motherfucker is still breathing?

Batface Beat, Part 3

Guns joins the conversation for some in-depth analysis.

Batface Beat, Part 2

Thanks to our good budy over at Pokerati.com for keeping us on the poker landscape.

Batface Beat, Part 1

Didn't figure this blog was that relevant anymore since we went a full month without any posts. But it looks like someone out there is keeping up:

Balls Out!

Whom do you think will be the first Batface to get a pair of these?

(My money is on Tulsa or Son of Sue.)


Balls Out Jeans - Watch more free videos

Seriously, the Batfaces should look for some co-branding on this.

ALT HED (for Sommer): Ball Out

Baseball

Yep.

Go stuff

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 5)

Wow! A double post today (but not nearly as good as the prior one). Must be the cocaine. Just kidding. Seriously though. Anyone know where I can get some. Not really asking for me, but Sommer is having issues at the homestead and could use the help.

OK, so this will the shortest and simplest award post...

Batface Poker Player of the Year

Easy. Celeste. No contest. Closest a Batface has ever come to a final table at the WSOP. Read more here.

Also, Eric is a great roommate unless you actually expect to him to follow up on his promise to give you a back rub.

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 4)

Batface Ballsiest Move of the Year

(Note: After hoisting a few at happy hour today with this Batface and this Batface, I was clearly reminded that I am woefully behind on my list of annual awards. I'll try to catch up. IN the meantime, enjoy this).

Anyway, this category was a one horse race.

After making something like $10 billion in the last two years, Batface Scott Fawcett decided that golf was much cooler than money. In the process he set out to qualify for the PGA Tour. That's right, kids. The PGA Tour. Not some random grabass barbecue circuit, but the P-fuckin' GA.

To do so, he would have to survive three (or maybe it was four) rounds of qualifying against many of the best golfers in the nation. Even if he made it to the brutal final qualifying stage, he would be playing against some of the best young players in the country as well as many grizzled veterans from PGA Tours past.

Let's put this in perspective. I'm better than at least 98 percent of the golfing populace and I am a distant third amongst the Batfaces. The happiest of all Batfaces is an admirable second. Sir Scott is the clear favorite. Unfortunately, I can't scratch either one's ass on the golf course...and Cap'n Happy Pants is a distant follower to Scott (who has taken a new lease on life and exiled his alcohol-fueled alter ego, "Steve," to another planet). Scott is that damn good.

However, to live his dream, he would have to play his best..and he just about did. He was amazing in the qualifying rounds, including an incredible four-round, 39-under masterpiece at Pine Valley. In the end, he narrowly missed the big show, but automatically qualified for spots on some of the minor league tours and he could qualify for a few Tour events via early-week qualifiers. Look for Mr. Fawcett in an upcoming weekend telecast soon.

Unfortunately, Scott's attempt to chase the dream wasn't even a close second. The Ballsiest Move of the Year actually belongs to Scott's now-wife. With a successful legal career in progress, the to-be-Mrs. Fawcett responded to Scott's marriage proposal with a hay maker. Actual transcript of the discussion follows:

Scott: Rebecca, will you marry me?
Rebecca: Yes.
Scott: You've made me so happy.
Rebecca: Uh...ok...great.
Scott: We'll be a great team. I'm going to play on the PGA tour and you'll be my beautiful and talented lawyer wife.
(Pause)
Rebecca: Sorry, I was just on the phone.
Scott: Oh, with who?
Rebecca: My boss. I just quit my job.
Scott: Uhhh...
Rebecca: That poker table has to go.
TBR: Go Batfaces!
(end scene)

Congratulations, Mrs. Scott Fawcett!

Go Biloxi?

NFL Picks - Playoff edition

Atl @ Arz 1
Ind -PK @ SD
Bal -3.5 @ Mia
Phi @ MIn +3

My Childhood Wasn't Perfect

But thanks, Mom, for never being arrested for this.

Alt Head: Don't fuck with Flatley