Balls Out!

Whom do you think will be the first Batface to get a pair of these?

(My money is on Tulsa or Son of Sue.)


Balls Out Jeans - Watch more free videos

Seriously, the Batfaces should look for some co-branding on this.

ALT HED (for Sommer): Ball Out

Baseball

Yep.

Go stuff

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 5)

Wow! A double post today (but not nearly as good as the prior one). Must be the cocaine. Just kidding. Seriously though. Anyone know where I can get some. Not really asking for me, but Sommer is having issues at the homestead and could use the help.

OK, so this will the shortest and simplest award post...

Batface Poker Player of the Year

Easy. Celeste. No contest. Closest a Batface has ever come to a final table at the WSOP. Read more here.

Also, Eric is a great roommate unless you actually expect to him to follow up on his promise to give you a back rub.

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 4)

Batface Ballsiest Move of the Year

(Note: After hoisting a few at happy hour today with this Batface and this Batface, I was clearly reminded that I am woefully behind on my list of annual awards. I'll try to catch up. IN the meantime, enjoy this).

Anyway, this category was a one horse race.

After making something like $10 billion in the last two years, Batface Scott Fawcett decided that golf was much cooler than money. In the process he set out to qualify for the PGA Tour. That's right, kids. The PGA Tour. Not some random grabass barbecue circuit, but the P-fuckin' GA.

To do so, he would have to survive three (or maybe it was four) rounds of qualifying against many of the best golfers in the nation. Even if he made it to the brutal final qualifying stage, he would be playing against some of the best young players in the country as well as many grizzled veterans from PGA Tours past.

Let's put this in perspective. I'm better than at least 98 percent of the golfing populace and I am a distant third amongst the Batfaces. The happiest of all Batfaces is an admirable second. Sir Scott is the clear favorite. Unfortunately, I can't scratch either one's ass on the golf course...and Cap'n Happy Pants is a distant follower to Scott (who has taken a new lease on life and exiled his alcohol-fueled alter ego, "Steve," to another planet). Scott is that damn good.

However, to live his dream, he would have to play his best..and he just about did. He was amazing in the qualifying rounds, including an incredible four-round, 39-under masterpiece at Pine Valley. In the end, he narrowly missed the big show, but automatically qualified for spots on some of the minor league tours and he could qualify for a few Tour events via early-week qualifiers. Look for Mr. Fawcett in an upcoming weekend telecast soon.

Unfortunately, Scott's attempt to chase the dream wasn't even a close second. The Ballsiest Move of the Year actually belongs to Scott's now-wife. With a successful legal career in progress, the to-be-Mrs. Fawcett responded to Scott's marriage proposal with a hay maker. Actual transcript of the discussion follows:

Scott: Rebecca, will you marry me?
Rebecca: Yes.
Scott: You've made me so happy.
Rebecca: Uh...ok...great.
Scott: We'll be a great team. I'm going to play on the PGA tour and you'll be my beautiful and talented lawyer wife.
(Pause)
Rebecca: Sorry, I was just on the phone.
Scott: Oh, with who?
Rebecca: My boss. I just quit my job.
Scott: Uhhh...
Rebecca: That poker table has to go.
TBR: Go Batfaces!
(end scene)

Congratulations, Mrs. Scott Fawcett!

Go Biloxi?

NFL Picks - Playoff edition

Atl @ Arz 1
Ind -PK @ SD
Bal -3.5 @ Mia
Phi @ MIn +3

My Childhood Wasn't Perfect

But thanks, Mom, for never being arrested for this.

Alt Head: Don't fuck with Flatley

Christmas edition of NFL Picks

Christmas edition because I'm picking every game AND the over/unders. Load up, bitches, because I plan on going 23-7.

Bal @ Dal -4 Under 39...........(lose lose)
Pit -2 @ Ten Under 34
Mia @ KC +3.5 Over 38.6
Arz @ NE -7.5 Under 44.5
Cin +3 @ Cle Under 32.5
Phi @ Was +5 Over 38
SF -5 @ StL Over 42
Atl +3 @ Min Under 42.5
NO @ Det +7 Over 50
Car @ NYG -3 Under 37.5
NYJ @ Sea +3.5 Over 42
Hou -7 @ Oak Under 43.5
Buf @ Den -6.5 Over 45
SD @ TB -3.5 Under 42.5
GB @ Chi -4 Over 41

Merry Christmas

And the Award Goes To...(Episode 3)

From the get go, it appeared that several contestants had the right stuff to be called Batface Playa of the Year, However, many of our clan faced early hardships.

The silkiest and smoothest Batface bowed to competition early due to the release of his progeny. A similar fate also took out this guy, this guy and this guy. Interestingly enough, this guy seemed to jump back in the game thanks to his ongoing "i can get beefier than you" bet with this guy. However, his love affair with this has relegated him to second tier status.

Our favorite and most mysterious Batface has lurked all-over the Playa map this year, but a recent dedication to this instead of this and this leaves us wondering.

We also expected a stronger showing from the all-time Batface Playa, but he has either curtailed his activities or is simply keeping them to himself, which could be the most intelligent thing a Batface has ever done.

In the end, this was a one horse race. The man who was once lambasted for his inability to communicate with the opposite sex made a certain lady swoon, often sending her off to work the following morning with a bruised and dented womb. Our hero decided to make an honest woman out of her, meaning that the time of the Freeze has passed. Enter now, the era of the Friesz.

Oh yeah, and he made partner...or something.

NFL Picks

Instead of a 5 Star LotW, I'm going to give you 6 games. Good luck all in.

Cin +13.5 @ Ind
Hou @ GB -6.5
Cle @ Ten -14
Atl +3 @ NO
Mia +1 @ Buf
Stl +14 @ Arz

And the Award Goes to...(Episode 2)

The competition for Batface Religion of the Year was a tough one. Strong consideration had to be given to Wicca, Nation of Yahweh and Falun Gong. Even good ol' fundamental Christianity put in a strong showing thanks to new Bent Tree member and First Baptist Senior Pastor Robert Jeffress who called Mitt Romney "a cultist" and insinuated that I, Shane Keller, am not OK.

However, the Batface Religion of the Year is unquestionably Mormonism. The goings on of the church are shrouded in secrecy and include bizarre rituals. However, the Batfaces saw first-hand evidence of the positive effects the church can have. Specifically, when its women folk get divorced, they become filthy whores.

Congratulations Mormonism!

NFL Picks

Buf @ KC +3
NYJ @ TEN -5½
WAS -3 @ Sea
Oak @ Den -8.5

Five Star LotW
GB +2.5 @ NO

And the Award Goes to...(episode 1)

The Batface Profession of the Year is, unquestionably, coaching.

Aaron Mattox led his Trinity Valley football team to a stellar 9-2 record and a runner-up finish in SPC Division II. In the championship game, Aaron's Trojans lost a tough see-saw battle against All-Saints Episcopal, who were led by two players already committed to Texas A&M and Louisiana Tech, which is highly unusual for a school this small. Aaron's kids weren't blessed with nearly this kind of talent, yet they more than held their own - a clear sign of a coach on his A-game. We see big things ahead for for our favorite coach.

Elsewhere, Zach Ballenger decided New York and the wine industry were no match for the call of the whistle, as he packed his bags, headed back to Dallas to pursue additional education which will lead him to the coaching path. Incidentally, his current alma mater is known as "the cradle of coaches."

2008 Batface Annual Awards

Kids,

We've long talked about putting together all kinds of annual awards, but no one ever does it. So, I'm taking the reigns. I've come up with 10 categories that I'm going to award this year. Please feel free to contribute if you want to...or add your own categories. Or go fuck yourself. The awards to come (in later entries) include:

1. Batface Seven Deadly Sin of the Year

2. Batface Poker Performance of the Year

3. Not Really a Batface but Deserving of Batface Credit This Year...uh...person

4. Batface Profession of the Year

5. Batface Playa of the Year

6. Batface Watering Hole of the Year

7. Batface Biblical Reference of the Year

8. Douchebag the Batfaces Hated the Most in 2008

9. Batface Ballsiest Move of the Year

10. Batface Religion of the Year

As my old buddy Eric Celeste often blogs on his more respectable site, "hold on to your effin' hats."

Stay tuned...or fuck off.

Go Soccerfaces?

Sorry for the spammish nature of this post ... but for those of you who love the other kind of football, and Sang, there's a new soccer blog out there that I think you may eventually enjoy.

(Don't tell him I sent you ... he's only posting because he thinks nobody is reading, which is mostly true, but still ...)

NFL Picks

No five star LotW this week.

NO -5.5 @ KC
Det @ Car -14
Arz -3 @ Sea
Dal -1.5 @ Was
Den +6.5 @ Atl

Not the Only Batface in School...

Follow along as Scott Fawcett plays in the 2nd stage of the PGA Tour's Qualifying School. His group tees off tomorrow in Florida at Pete Dye's famed Southern Hills Golf Course.

Good luck all in, and as always, Go Batfaces!!!

http://pgatq.bluegolf.com/bluegolf/pgatq8/event/pgatq822/index.htm

UPDATE:
Reports from the field indicate that Fawcett shot a 67 this morning and is tied for 2nd one shot off the lead. Go Batfaces!!

UPDATE 2
Fawcett shot a 1 under 71 today and is currently tied for 6th, one stroke off the lead.

UPDATE 3
Fawcett shot another 67 and is currently 11 Under and one shot back from leading the tournament. Some stats from the first 3 rounds: Fawcett has the most birdies with 20, best par 4 average at 3.77, breaks par higher than anyone else at 37% of the time.

FINAL UPDATE
Winner winner. The ass line plays again. Fawcett advances to the final stage. Congrats.

NFL Picks

Ten -3 @ Chi
NO @ At -1.5
Car -9.5 @ Oak
Bal +1.5 @ Hou

5 Star LotW
Sea @ Mia -7.5