Still Alive!

If Sang and Shane Were Morphed

I'm Concerned about Fawcett and his Wedding on the Beach

And he should be, too.

Aggie Dominating Austin

We've seen less and less of the Ass-slapping Batface over the past few months. It's been assumed that he's been preparing for his pending nuptuals. Turns out he's been spending a lot of time working on his golf game as well. This weekend Scott is playing at UT Golf Club in Austin in the Texas Golf Association's MidAm Match Play Championship. He finished 3rd in the Stroke Play qualifying and has won 4 matches to reach the finals. He plays Terrence Miskell, one of the best Amateur golfers in the state, tomorrow morning for the championship. Good luck. Go Batfaces! Whoop!

UPDATE - Scott lost the final match. Go bubbling. Great tourney.

2-7 Triple Draw is the new sports

This may be the greatest game ever. Live blog commencing...

5:40.... tripled my starting stack. position seems to be very important. Lot of bluffing.

5:43... two pair turns into 9-low and no call on the river. Up to 1700 (from 500)

5:46... (Omaha side game) Guess what, if I raise with Aces single suited in position, you are my only caller and the board flops a middle pair, I'm not going to believe your silly pot-size bluffs on the flop and turn, Timbo566. Just not gonna. SHIP IT.

5:51... Just dealt 2-3-4-5-7. Called the the nutz, kidz.

5:56... This just in: play ANY hand on the button.

5:59... (Omaha side game) NicePercy, thanks for the nice double up.

6:04... Still relevant? Discuss.

6:09... Damn, think I may have just gotten bluffed. Well played, Greedy Tee, well played indeed.

6:14... Just doubled up Greedy Tee. Not as good as he is.

6:19... just put Superxx all in after the second draw. He had drawn one, I stood pat with a pair of fives. He either made it or he didn't. No call from Superxx. Daddy like.

6:22... Finally misplayed a hand. Let Eric122 draw for free. Also, straights count against you.

Rangers / A's 9th inning live blog

So the Rangers are up 6-5 going into the 9th inning. CJ is set to pitch, so you know its going to be exciting.

What is harder for Chris Davis to do?
A: Make sweet love to a hot, big-titted East Texan?
B: Tie his shoe?
C: What?

Awesome. Chris Davis is a fucking machine. He owns the MLB. 7 time MVP in the making. How horny is CJ right.....NOW?

I love the interracial family

Diff'rent Stroke was a great show. Caught a few episodes today while I was writing my resignation letter and really enjoyed it. Amazing fact number 1: Mr. Drummonds career DIED after the show ended. Only was in a couple of small roles after the finale. Also, is there any chance at all that if the DS was a Real World-esque series that the kinda TV hot white chick would be taken HARD advantage of by the somewhat pre-ghetto Willis and the ever short but supposedly hung Arnold? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

BREAKING NEWS: Salty to be traded

Tiny B reports that, according to his sources, Rangers catcher Jared Salti.....cia is going to be dealt in the near future. Still trying to pin down exactly where and for whom, but when we hear something, we'll post it here.

The Hardest I've Laughed at an Internet Clip Lately

If only TBR would have celebrated this well every time he won a hand at the WSOP.

The People You Meet: My Brush with Lady Sports Guru

While enjoying an extremely late lunch at some Tex-Mex joint, I noticed three older gentlemen sitting at the bar and flanked by a mid-sixty-something woman who reminded me of a cross between Lovey Howell and every annoying host of an infomercial. When not guzzling one of several clear-colored mixed drinks or chain smoking her Winstons, she was busy peppering the conversation with ear-shrieking insights like "Oh my God!", "Wow!" and (my personal favorite), "Lordy!"

The conversation between this geriatric brew-crew was influenced heavily by several television screens, all tuned to various sports channels. Some of the topics she opined are as follows (and I sincerely wish I was making these gems up, but I'm not. I actually took notes after her third comment):

• Current major league salaries: "No damn ball player is worth $25 million a year." When one of her companions mentioned that the owners were still making money, she conceded,"Well, that's the ONLY way they're worth it."
• Dallas Cowboys football: "I quit watching the Cowboys when Jerry Jones took over. I didn't even watch the Super Bowls...at least not all of them. But I am looking forward to going to the new stadium.""
• Roger Staubach: "There never has been and never will be a better football player than good ol' Roger."
• Classic Ranger favorites: "I can't narrow it down to one. I just love Nolan Ryan...and Jim Sandberg."
• Current Ranger favorite: "Oh, I can't think of his name, but he's really good. I think he plays catcher."
• The state of the PGA: "I don't really watch unless Tiger's playing. There is one other guy I like though, but I can't think of his name. Isn't there a Mike somebody who is really good? But he's not black."
• The Tour de France: "Those helmets they wear are just for show."
• New Texas Stadium construction problems: "That leads me to believe they are cutting some corners. I wouldn't go near that thing."
• On Chris Chambliss' ALCS clinching home run for the 1976 Yankees (see 3:42 of the link): "I hope to hell they called a penalty on someone."

The Lady Sports Guru now moves up into the #1 slot on my all-time fantasy dinner accompanied by Todd Phillips, Clonie Gowen, Jamie Welton and Tagg's wife.

I Don't See Bags of Urine on that List

Good to know that the Chinese government has launched a campaign to discourage spitting on athletes during the Olympics. Cross "fear of typhoid" off of your list of reasons not to attend or care.

And go ahead and cancel your plans for WarcraftCon 2009 in Hunan. If they've got crossbows and daggers on the "prohibited" lists for the olympic venues. I presume the downtown Sheraton will frown on my Sacrificial Warmaul of Beastslaying.

English 101

I believe this song is full of ambiguity. The very first verse of the song,the writer is saying not that he was actually the ruler of the word that could make the seas rise on his command, he is saying that at one point in his life, he was on top. People all over the world loved him and just by coming out on stage, the crowd would stand and cheer. Now, he feels no one knows who he is anymore, he feels alone, and is now a normal working man.

The writer also utilizes both true rhyme and weak rhyme. For example, world/word, alone/own, key/me, stand/sand, ringing/singing, shield/field.

The only example of alliteration is, "It was the wicked and wild wind".

The chorus utilizes allusion by referring to biblical times.

The writer is the protagonist, as the entire song refers to him. I think you can make the argument that the antagonist is the world around him, as well as himself. He seems to portray that while "the walls closed on me", his own ego had something to do with his downfall.

This is definitely a stock situation of a tragedy. The person who "ruled the world" now has "revolutionaries wait for his head on a sliver plate.

Sang says...

Its always been my understandin the bet is still on after the first lapdance its still 20 a pop.

"Dead" Money?

We still don't know how TBR was eliminated, but I'm guessing he had more of a chance than this guy, even though this guy outlasted TBR by 3 levels and 6 hours.

"Gavin Kelly, who came into play today with 38,150 in chips but never took his seat on Day 2, has been eliminated. He was blinded off during the day and the last of his chips just went into the pot." - Pokernews

TBR Down

According to this report on Pokerati (scroll down):

TBR down and stinks at poker.

This is probably accurate, since it was typed by TBR himself. And since I'm pretty sure most of TBR's inheritance is invested in Pokerati, he has reason to make certain the site is accurate.

Dan follows with:

TBR is out. Won't tell me the hand. Says he is too embarrassed.

Well, you've done everything humanly possible.

Next Year's Member/GUEST

While steaming about life, I began thinking about the future...specifically next year's Member/GUEST. Although my partner this year was awesome, his recent performances have me considering my options. After a brief search, I think I found my next partner. He's skilled, shares my dark sense of humor and he's not afraid to kick a man's ass if necessary.

UPDATE: Thanks to whoever caught my error. I might have been under the influence when I wrote this.

Sugar out.

FWD: Tbr takes down huge pot! 35k and Goin

Hmm, that didn't work at all. There was supposed to be a picture of a thinky Randy here, resplendent in Batface Hat. Image and update courtesy of Fawcett, who has another post that is supposed to be here too.

PokerNOTi

I don't know about you guys, but has Dan's lack of content on Pokerati been somewhat disappointing? I'm not talking about Pokerati's content, just what Dan has posted. My roommate in college first told me about Pokerati about 5 years ago, when most posts were about yall's home games and the Dallas poker scene in general, and I have been a loyal reader ever since. When Dan started adding contributors like Karridy, and that Michele Lewis chick, I was excited because it seemed like he was getting "more serious." Then Tom Schnieder came along, Cali Jen started posting, and Dan moved to Vegas and I thought, Wow, pokerati is going to be competing with Pauley's website, taopoker.com as THE place to follow the WSOP. Man, what a let down. If it wasn't for Cali Jen (who maybe the best poker writer in the business), and some dude named Kevin Mathews, there wouldn't be any content. Sure, Dan has the Country Leaderboard, and the occasional 2 minute podcast with Pauley but that's about it. Where is the live blog, the behind the scene's stories, the Dallas player profiles, the inside scoop as to what is REALLY going on at the Rio???? Instead, we get pictures of a dumpster fire and talk about All-In Energy drink. Oh well, maybe next year.

TBR To Do list for the Main Event

TBR leaves for Vegas Saturday night to play in Day 1D of the WSOP Main Event. This will be his 4th Main Event, and he has actually done pretty well in his past. His first ME, he came in 178th for $39,075. Last year, he was one of the chip leaders after day 1, only to donk off all his chips sometime on Day 2. He seems to be playing pretty well recently, and we all expect him to go deep again this year. With that in mind, Tiny B and I came up with 15 things you need to do while in Vegas:

1 - Any time you see Jerry Yang, only refer to him by his confusing nickname, "The Shadow".
2 - Do a line of blow with Clonie.
3 - Text JJ incessantly while giggling and talking about working out and dieting.
4 - Day 1 smoke cigs, Day 2 dip snuff
5 - When you sit down at a new table, introduce yourself as "The guy that caused Brandi to kill herself"
6 - Get it all in on the Hard 10 at PlayHo
7 - Cockblock Devilfish at the Hooker Bar while pounding Kryptonite Shots
8 - Refuse to wear a gay Pokerati patch
9 - Tell Phil Ivey that you're glad that bitch Hillary got out of the race so he can now focus on McCain.
10 - High card Farha for $20k
11 - Let Shane play your cards for one level
12 - Win Main Event, give it all to Freeze, get him close to even
13 - Yell "Go Batfaces" after taking down every pot
14 - No cabs, only rickshaws
15 - Don't get wife pregnant

Free Rangers Tickets

You need to vote for Hamilton and Kinsler for the All-Star game. The Rangers are giving you an incentive to vote 25 times. If you choose the Rangers as your favorite team, and vote all 25 times before 11:00 pm Central time tonight, they will give you a voucher for 2 Rangers tickets in late August. Vote now. Vote hard.

http://texas.rangers.mlb.com/tex/fan_forum/allstar_offers.jsp

Batface makes good, music

Tip o' the cap to one of the two most famous Batface drummers Mike Simmons as his band Menkena puts out some wistfully soothing new tuneage. If I had to make an analogy (which I often do, but which typically clarifies things like a 7 year old using the cast of Sponge Bob to describe undulating oil prices - wait, crap..) - i'd say it's kinda like Mazzy Star and the Psychedelic Furs huddled together for warmth 2 miles from a Sigur Ros concert.

Fans desiring an autograph are recommended to catch him at the card table where his sig already fetches around $60 a week.

Update: Catch Menkena at Dada on July 19th.

Where have you been all my life, blog?

Ah, July 1st.  We're halfway through the year yet it feels as if football season is eons away.  Everyone's talking about Georgia as your feel good pick of the year.  True, they have tons of talent but I can't imagine a team with red and grey as their colors winning a national championship.  Therefore, I'm ruling out Georgia.  Because they have red and grey.  Georgia down.  Good luck even winning the SEC.

But now to a more important topic:  the Chicago Cubs and their inability to win on the road. 

As the only Cub fan in my group of friends (3), I have a great sense of pride when they win.  Unfortunately, that doesn't happen away from the friendly confines.  Last weekend, on the south side, I thought I was watching the ChiSox and the lowly Rangers; it was ridiculous! Who's with me???  I hate to complain about a team in first place but it's not even the All-Star break and I've got those knots in my stomach like they're about to blow it worse than my girlfriend on her recent "suck the penis" contest at the local Carlos and Charlie's.  Or blow it worse than Lee's idiotic frontal charge at Gettysburg.  Ugh!

The ESPYS are dumb.

I'd rather vote for Obama than subject myself to a sports award show.  I mean, seriously...the only sports award show I'd ever go to is the awards presentation when you finish the golf scramble at the over-priced country club.  And that's only because you know the trophy's going to be spectacular, albeit it won't be given to me, it's still nice to see which group of hacks cheated their way to a 59 using two sets of rentals.

Anyway, it's good to finally post here.  Even though I don't remember everyone's name, I won't shy away from your harsh criticism of my amateurish and baseless opinions.

Hard Worker

When you're a busy Commercial Real Estate broker, like me, you spend your mornings doing things like reading 2005 Batface.com posts. Here is one of them.