McGill and I Mourn

Loyal Batfaces love the ponies...so we do not love this. But we do love this. And this.

The People You Meet, Part Whatever

Please be advised...the following post IS NOT about poker.

After suffering through a 10-day illness, I was feeling like I could keep my phlegm in control just long enough to get out of the house and be social. Apparently, a trip to my local Indian Restaurant was in order.

On a sidenote, why don't more Caucasians enjoy Indian food? Are they unduly prejudiced or do they sincerely dislike the rich, exotic dishes so deliciously prepared by our Hindu friends? Both my current boss and my future wife won't touch the stuff, which is terribly sad. What gives?

Anyway, after being escorted to my table, I prepared to order my favorite, lamb vindaloo. Unexpectedly, my casual glance through the menu was interrupted by a screaming brat at the table next to me. Fucking kids. Of course, the three women at the same table completely ignored the child and carried on their conversation. Given that two of the women looked similar and the third was considerably older, I took this to be a mother/daughter/daughter/grandchild outing. I contemplated saying something when the oldest woman grabbed her throat and began speaking through an artificial voicebox. However, the sound coming out of this woman's throat/mouth area was horrible. It sounded like a drowning bullfrog...and this old hag was a talker. Seriously, she wouldn't shut up and she must have had the volume on her larynx box (or whatever you call the fucking thing) turned up to 11.

I know, I know. I should feel sorry for her...but I couldn't notice that when both of her daughters spoke, they clearly had that I've-smoked-four-packs-of-camel-unfiltereds-since-I-was-twelve raspiness. Like mother, like daughters.

Even worse, they all dressed and looked like something out of The Sopranos. I couldn't help but think of Lorraine Bracco's line from Goodfellas: "They (the mobsters wives) didn't look very good either. Their clothes were cheap and thrown together. And they looked sort of beaten up." In particular, Grandma had on these awful sunglasses that jiggled on her head every time she grabbed her throat to let loose with that awful mechanized voice. I swear to God, one of the daughters even used the words stugotts as a punchline to a joke that caused them all to go into a rasping, coughing fit.

Fortunately, when my meal arrived, they got up to leave...but they must have been regulars because they stopped at every table to say something..to everybody. At one table, the old hag gargled, "yeah, I got cancer from smoking too much and they had to take out my voicebox."

I stared down at my meal, then back at this troll. Then I left $20 on the table and walked out.

I may never be able to eat Indian food again.

Damn you, Smoke Hag. Damn you.

Son-of-Sue-nica

Batface tournament stud and soon-to-be NY Jets fan Zach Ballenger went deep again last night, finishing 11th out of 240 in the Tunica 500NL event (Top 18 paid). Zach was chip leader with 22 remaining, but suffered back-to-back bad beats. TinyB reports: "I was eliminated in Level 2 when I got it all in with a straight against a flush draw or I would have won." In a brilliant comeback however, Tiny apparently slayed both the blackjack table and a liter of vodka. More coverage over at Pokerati.

And Because Its Always Funny...

Go Poker!

8 of your favorite Batfaces head to Tunica today for a weekend of baffoonery and poker. Unfortunately, it looks like our buddy Clonie is with the Full Tilt crew in Australia at the Aussie Millions, where the absurd $100,000 Tournament begins tomorrow. I came across this little nugget on Paulie's blog for Pokernews.com.

"Tomorrow will be the $100,000 buy-in event. I just saw Andy Bloch wandering around and asked him if he was going to play. He mentioned, "No, unless someone back me." He thinks that Erik Seidel, Erick Lindgren, Phil Ivey, and Clonie Gowan are going to play."

Are you fucking kidding me?

Open letter to Clonie Gowen....

Dear Clonie,

You've owed me $500 since July of 2005. Please pay me.

Sincerely,

Todd

De Gustibus non Disputandem est

The other night, resident Batface Genius Matt Sommer commented that we haven't issued our rankings in a while. I used to compile the rankings while Matt Comstock, my former boss and current Prick-Stick Poster Boy for the New Millennium, collected the accompanying photos.

Since these rankings were not collected in real-time, they quickly became outdated the minute they were produced. This year, a self-ranking system appears to be the best way to go. As such, Batface Swollen Head Randy Brown (aka TBR) is first to issue the following assessment of his play (here referencing a much higher-stakes game than our standard Thursday night Donk-Fest).

It couldn't have played out any better (unless I'd won more, I guess). Troy sucked out me early to the tune of $1600 or so. But I small-balled my way back all night and finished up 2400. Never really had to make any tough decisions or play any big pots. Classic A-game TBR. it was like I was sort of floating above the table with my big bear mits just kind of poking at the soft little bunnies. Plus, Troy owes it to me and is going to give it to me in Tunica (meaning I don't have to lug as much cash out there, which is nice).

Bracelets Are Cheap

The 2007 WSOP Tournament Schedule was released yesterday. It will cost $214,500 to compete in all 55 tournaments. Go Coco.

Fantasy Poker

The First Annual Batface Fantasy Poker Draft is finished. Below are the teams and my predictions

Tiny B - JC Tran, Gavin Smith, Scott Fischman, Tony Cousineau, Max Pescatori, Layne Flack, Rhett Butler, John D'Agastino

TBR - Daniel Negreanu, Nam Le, Roland DeWolfe, Alex Jacob, Nenad Medic, Can Hua Kim, Robert Mizrachi, Nick Shulman

Aaron M - Jamie Gold, Greg Raymer, TJ Cloutier, Devilfish, Carlos Mortenson, John Duthie, Paul Phillips, Randy Brown

Son of Sue - Grinder, Joe Hachem, David Daneshgar, Anthony Reategui, Joe Tehan, Gioi Luong, An Tran, Ralph Perry

Guns - Men Master, John Hoang, Barry Greenstein, Scooty Nguyen, James Van Alstyne, Kathy Leibert, Chad Brown, Eugene Todd

Shane - Phil Hellmuth, Erik Lindgren, David Williams, Michael Binger, Kenna James, Sam Farha, Marcel Luske, Hoyt Corkins

Tulsa - Ted Forrest, David Pham, John Cernuto, Jesus Ferguson, Bill Elder, Al Barberi, Tony Ma, Humberto Brenes

Dan - John Juanda, Steve Wong, Eric Seidel, Huck Seed, Jeff Madsen, Harry Demitriou, Tom Schneider, Annie Duke

Adam - Allen Cunningham, Phil Ivey, Shannon Shorr, Joe Sebok, David Plastik, David Singer, Chris McCormack, Lance Allred

Gonz - Mike Matusow, Jen Harman, Dewey Tomko, Phil Laak, Andy Bloch, Lee Watkinson, Jeffrey Lisandro, Patrik Antonios

Predicted Order of Finish -

1. Tiny B

2. Adam

3. Son of Sue

4. TBR

5. Guns

6. Tulsa

7. Shane

8. Gonz

9. Dan

10. Aaron

Best holder in the NFL

It should be noted that the man to the right is not Tony Romo. Just sayin'.