Batface shout out

In a post on November 15th, Bob Ciaffone talked about his trip to Dallas in September. I don't think I read about this on a more newsworthy site, but I may be mistaken.

Not a bad Thanksgiving

It looks like Phil Ivey will be able to afford a bigger turkey after winning two tournaments last week. Still think I could take him.

Doing Dallas Proud

Dallas under-ground poker room specialist, Kido Pham defeated a very foreign final table that included Scotty Nguyen, Minh Ly, Joseph Hachem and the always-Celesty JC Tran to win $453K in the $10K WSOP Circuit Event at Paris/Bally's in Vegas. Before you think this is some kind of fluke (like Michalski last week), this is Kido's third top 4 finish in $10K tournaments in the last 13 months. He's also got a hot wife.

Nominations please.

I'm beginning to put together my Batface top 10 lists for 2005. Here's the list from last year. This year, I'll also put together the Batface Top 10 drunkest moments...(Hong Kong Sue in Tunica, "Did you finger her?", Saturday night, etc). I need your suggestions for both lists. E-mail me or leave a comment here.

Confessions of a Poker A-Hole

Last night, I went with a few of my compadres to a local establishment for some low-stakes $35 NL freeze-out tourney action. Even with 80 or more players I saw a half-dozen or more people I knew from various games around town. Still, I was hoping to get seated at a table with complete strangers so I could try my newest goof -- "Mr. New-to-Poker-Guy."

Fortunately I got my wish, and my table was perfect. Three players quickly tried to establish themselves as poker bad-asses. Two others couldn't help but call every bet on the face of the the planet and one old miscreant overplayed a ton of hands and quietly insulted anyone who folded to one of his overbets. Seriously, with TC700 in one pot, he bet 2000 with a meek board. The first two players behind him folded, but the third slowly contemplated a call. After folding, the crotchety old fart says, "You stupid son-of-a-bitch. You can't fucking call my hand there. No way. This is too fucking easy!" Don't you just love the cocksuckers you meet at the poker table?

Anyway, as I sat down, I opted to pull my best Ackerman routine. I fumbled my chips and kept them in a disorganized mess in front of me. I acted like I never knew when it was my turn and how much I could bet or when I was supposed to fold. I awkwardly fumbled with my cards, acting like I was trying to mimic the card handling skills I had seen on ESPN. I even feigned frustration at one point and began picking up both cards to my chest and staring at them. I never threw my cards into the muck, instead carefully placing them there as if the cards would break. In short, it was the most fun I've had playing poker all year.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I would highly suggest you give it a go. Here are a few other techniques you might want to employ:

• Constantly ask the players around you about the value of the chips.
• Whenever the blinds increase, always post the old blind amounts when it is your turn. On a similar note, any bet you call you call shortly after a blind increase, undercall the bet with the old blind amount.
• Always hold onto your cards. After the dealer has asked you for your cards a half dozen times, the other players will start telling you when it is time to fold.
• Fold pre-flop a ton...and always look like you have no idea what hands you are supposed to play.
• Never raise pre-flop. Yes, this isn't great tournament strategy, but it completely sets you up as the guy who has no fucking clue what he is doing. Case in point, I was dealt KhQh in middle position. Since most hands had been raised (but never re-raised) by the donkeys and bad-asses at the table, this was the kind of hand you had to protect. Instead I just called and joined five other limpers into the pot. The flop was pure trash (2s-6d-8h). I was the the fourth player to check the hand after almost fake-accidentally folding. With a turn of Ks, I was sure I now had the lead in the hand, only cautiously concerned about the possibility of the flush. I only called a meek bet of $200 after three other players called. After the 3 of spades came on the river, the original bettor led out for $200 in a move that looked suspiciously like a made-flush hoping to get a raise, or possibly even a player trying to represent the made-flush. I called knowing that the additional $200 was going to have minimal impact on my chip stack. My queen kicker was good and the player to my right looked at me like I was an idiot. I continued acting like I had no idea what I was doing and clumsily raked the pot as he grumbled, "Nice hand." As if on cue, he blurted,"You did see the flush there didn't you?" I did my best to look bewildered and said, "Flush?"
• Look stupid while playing smart. On another hand, I sheepishly called with AQ suited from the small blind and saw a Queen high flop. This was the first time I had had to act first in a pot. I bet roughly half the pot, but in doing so, I grabbed a handful of chips and audibly counted them out one by one behind my cards. When these chips totalled just over the size of the pot, I began taking chips back out of this pile one by one until I was at half the pot. Then I meekly pushed the stack into the center and announced, "I'll raise that." As all the poker bad-asses folded to me, the final player to lay down his cards stared at me and then muttered, "Good bet." I looked at him like I was stunned and asked "Really?" I then sat there until the dealer told me I won the pot and that I could rake the chips.
• Ask moronic questions to your neighbor like, "how long does this usually last?" When the answer is "about six hours", immediately look at your watch and make a face that implies, "but Jay Leno comes on at 10:30."
• After moving to my third seat, I looked at one of the players from the first table and asked him, "Why do they keep making me move? Did I do something wrong?"
• Occasionally say "check", when someone ahead of you has raised.
• When another player starts shuffling his chips, stare in amazement. Then try to do it yourself, but be sure to spill your chips everywhere.
• Make yourself look lucky. Holding pocket fours on the button, everyone limped to me. In a perfect raising position I called, again looking meek. Both blinds had meager chip stacks, and I had them covered by at least 4x. The small blind folded but the big blind went all-in fully expecting me to fold. I quickly fidgeted, looked at the dealer and asked "call?" Frustrated, the dealer said, "I can't make that decision for you." I said, "Oh, then can I raise?" Now further frustrated, the dealer said, "No, you can only call." I counted out my chips one by one to make the call and the BB turned over J-2 offsuit. My little pair held up and the BB left the table. I saw him look at a friend and say, "How did I get knocked out by him?" Again I didn't touch the pot. When the dealer informed I had won, I replied, "I did?"
• Make inane comments. About every third orbit, I waited for a situation where I had folded, yet the flop was trash. Then I would frown or groan. After one ugly flop of 3-6-9 rainbow I cringed and said "Oh!" I then quietly leaned over to the bad-ass next to me and stated, "I would have had two pair." Patronizingly, he smirked, "Well, you shouldn't have folded it then."

Trust me, it's a hoot. But ultimately all good things must come to an end. I was finally moved to a table where a player knew me. At this point I reverted back to my normal asshole self. Soon, one of the bad-asses at my first table was moved to my table. About six hands in, he noticed that I was clearly a different player than the one he had sized up a few hours earlier. "Oh, now you can play", he said. He looked at me like he thought I was a complete jag-off.

He was right.

Not a Fluke

I guess they know poker down under since WSOP champion Joseph Hachem is the chip leader at the final table of the WSOP Circuit Event at Bally's/Paris. Scotty Nguyen is the short stack.

Young Guns

Nick Shulman becomes the youngest player at 21 to win a WPT Event on Friday. He dominated the final table to capture the World Poker Open at Foxwoods. I feel so old.

Dan=In the Money=Pigs Flying

Our boy Dan got to the final table in a WSOP circuit event in Las Vegas yesterday. Came in 8th place out of 165 players. Pretty impressive. Back to real world now.

Guess who's back?

Just dropping in to say hello. Will post something useful soon. Imiss you boys and can't wait to get into town and break Tiny B. Did that sound gay? (not that there is anything wrong with it).

Dan's Favorite Gaysian

Even though Sang has struggled recently in The Batface home game, he's becoming a legend in other poker venues. I wonder how the pizza is at those games?

We have a winner

The Shane Keller-like line of the year comes to us from Young Phan after losing to a flush draw after he flopped a set at the WPT event at Foxwoods..."I guess I'll go home and fuck my dog."

Living on Tulsa Time

If you don't think I'm going to be here come March/April, then you ... you ... then you are wrong. So there.

BTW: No Vegas trip. Too much going on. Besides, I think I'm needed in Providence.

Shane is rubbing off on Clonie

Our own Clonie has been hanging around Shane too long. In day 1b of the World Poker Finals at Foxwoods, Clonie's boat of 9's and 4's gets beat on the river when her opponent hits one of the two remaining Q's. Overheard while she was leaving "I hate that fucking Shane." Other top players eliminated in the first round are Tex Barch and John Juanda who was out after the fourth hand when his pocket J's lost to pocket A's.

Library Time

Currently reading Kill Phil:The Fast-Track to Success in No-Limit Hold 'Em Poker Tournaments. Pretty damn good explanation of the reasons fast and aggressive is a better tourney strategy than old-school "small ball" approach, which works better in side games and pot-limit tourneys.

It's hard, while reading this, not to think that when they're talking about "old-school" styles, they're discussing my beloved T.J. Cloutier, the player for whom I have the most man-love. That said (and, as this year's event showed, dismiss T.J. at your own risk), there's a lot of very good simple tourney strategy in the book.

And for those who don't understand nuance (Dan! Wassup!), I look forward to trapping you when you take advice like this too far.

Oh, I forgot, we're playing at Dan's tonight. Hmmm. Good thing he won't be trying to bluff me out of every pot now. Will you, Dan?

TOC cont.

Also impressive is Steve Dannenmann's 5th place performance in this tournament. Dannenmann, who openly admits to being a mediocre player in his home game, adds $100,000 to the 4.25 million he won in July by finishing 2nd in the WSOP Main Event. Seems to me that this is equivalent to Thum having the same success, which when you think about it, makes it absolutely remarkable.

The Mouth Prevails

Mike Matusow defeted Hoyt Corkins in the WSOP Tournament of Champions last night with Phil Hellmuth placing in 3rd. The banter between Mike and Phil should make for some entertaining tv on Christmas Eve on ESPN. The sad thing is that neither Mike nor Phil have anything on TBR when he has had a few drinks.

The Mouth Roars

Mike "The Mouth" Matusow had a good day yesterday. He was featured heavily in both episodes of the WSOP Main Event telecast on ESPN. Later, in real time, he spent most of the evening mocking Phil Hellmuth at the final table of the WSOP Tournament of Champions. (Deriding him for playing "weak-tight," for example.) Then he put the Mouth where the money was, overcoming the chip lead of Hellmuth and Hoyt Corkins to win the $1 million first-place prize.

Anyone who has been watching the WSOP coverage on ESPN won't be surprised, as Matusow was spectacularly aggressive when he needed to be but changed gears often enough to conserve chips and stay out of traps. (At least according to what they showed.) Anyone who has been watching said coverage may be shocked to hear who came in fifth: Steve Dannenmann, the devil-may-care nice guy who took up poker a few months before the Main Event and who made the final table. (It was Dannenmann, btw, who doubled Matusow through at a key time yesterday when Matusow rivered his fourth heart on the board to complete a flush.) Full updates at cardplayer.com.

P.S.: Such an obvious headline, but, hey, I'm not gettin' paid to write these.

Doyle's the Bubble Boy

Doyle Brunson gets eliminated in 10th place in the WSOP Tournament of Champions and out of the money. The final table is set for tomorrow with Hellmuth and Matusow leading the group.

Oh.... my.... LORD!!!!

Wow. You have to give Dan credit for weaseling his way into daily candy (some sort of chick website, I think). Top three things that appear suspicious about the article:

1. Dan Michalski, a full-time freelance journalist...
2. ...who teaches people how to win big;
3. And although the price for his wisdom can be steep (up to $80 an hour!!!!!!!!)...

In fairness, apparently Dan did fully disclose about one thing:

"So don't expect diagrams, flow charts, or hard mathematical theories"

The Brat and the Mouth

The first day at the WSOP Tourney of Champions is over and the two chip leaders are Hellmuth and Matusow. The tournament is a $2 million freeroll for those who qualified by finishing in the top 20 of any of the five $10,000 WSOP Circuit Event or making the final table at this year's WSOP Main Event. You might be asking why Hellmuth is in the field or Doyle Brunson or Johnny Chan, who are also among the final 30. Daniel Negreanu is asking the same thing.

Paul Phillips, no relation, has joined in the bashing of the WSOP organizers.

Further proof of why thebatfaces.com was a good idea

As most of you know, our blog is a new and improved version of this blog. Dan, who runs that blog, has made some indirect comments/challenges towards us since we've launched. He doesn't get that we're blogging for fun, not a career. Anyway, here's an example.
- "you know what life of misery those new bloggers are in for. secretly inside i will snicker. "

If you stopped by Pokerati yesterday, you saw that it looked something like this. Luckily for Dan, he was able to get a hold of the guy that runs our blog. Here's his recap of what happened next....I had a voicemail on my phone when we left lunch..dan had left a panicked message about the site, said he admittedly deleted some files he probably shouldnt have, begged to call and hopefully come by. I called him back from the car, he was fear-stricken - i told him i was in the neighborhood and would come by. I think i woke Sang up, dan had 10 gallon bags under his eyes. His office looked like a pipe bomb had gone off in his laundry basket (isnt he common law married to a guy that owns a freaking dry cleaners?) he said he recreated the file he deleted, but it still wasnt working. After almost a full second of looking at it, it was clear as day he had spelled the word "smiles" wrong in the filename. edit, rename, works. i got up and left.

So I guess I posted all of this to say, Dan - I'm snickering.

I Hate People

OK, so I'm anal about my house...but only because the fucking miscreants I invite over to play poker seem to be completely incapable of keeping food in their mouths or on plates or (god forbid) in the trash can.

So, I set down a simple rule for poker night. Don't expect dinner at my place and don't plan on bringing any with you. Of course this rule was completely ignored, but I guess this should be expected from this group of jag-offs.

Why the rant? Apparently one of last night's guests must have thought that my house rules were unfair and as a passive-aggressive effort to inform me of such, they left me a...well...gift. For those who have never heard of a top shelf, you have now been forwarned.

For those of you who were at my house last night, one word: death.

Negreanu Doesn't Wynn Any More

Last week, TBR and I were discussing that we thought it was odd that Negreanu had been playing in the big game at Bellagio while under contract with the Wynn as their "poker guy". Well, I guess he's not under contract anymore. He's now persuing other interests.

Speaking of cheating at poker...

A funny thing happened in our home game a couple of months back regarding allegedly faded spades, the obviously faded queen of hearts and a certain player's penchant for certain sunglasses (to go with his protesteth too muchery) and coincidental advertisement of "card cheating" (and by that I mean "card cheating") on a certain website. But I digress.

If you've ever thought about how well you could do playing with real "magic glasses" (and you're a big poker/math dork), check out Jopke's great post (and subsequent posts). Very mathy for having. On the other hand, if your forte is more along the lines of a 1,397-word post about how to suck it up and find a way to get away from ONE STINKING PAIR, keep checking with our absurd little site for more.

More Chips to Bluff off

There's good news for tournament players coming from PokerStars. Trying to create more action and variety, PS has introduced DeepStack and 6-Handed Tournaments. DeepStack tourneys run just like regular tournaments except the players start with 5,000 chips, instead of 1500 and the blinds last 30 minutes, instead of 15 minutes. Six-Handed tourneys run just like any regular tourney except there are six players at the table (as opposed to a regular tourney's nine players).